The NBA Blog that Would Rather Look Good and Lose
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Further proving my theory that White Men Can’t Jump should have won an Oscar, I submit this photo as Exhibit W. And sure, Flight mighta broke Billy Ho off the bounce here, but Opie pissed on him when it mattered. (photo from Brain Works via NBA Offseason)
And he can dunk a basketball.
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Everybody knows that Manu is both one of the best players in the League and perhaps the best international guard to ever grace the NBA. He’s also one of the most fun guys to watch and the main reason that I have always been baffled that anyone could ever consider the Spurs boring. Timmy is the Big Fundamental and does everything with perfect precision, but has little in the way of flair or personality, so I get why some people would fail to enjoy his even-keeled brilliance.
But Manu?
He plays a brand of basketball that inspires joy joy feelings in all those around him and Kobe, according to Chris Ballard in his book The Art of a Beautiful Game, likes to repeatedly characterize as “balls to the wall.” Usually, Manu’s greatness comes with the rock in his hands. But this year, dude’s defense has been on full display.
Last night, par examplar, he unleashed this Yeti-like-force block on KG, who now has two huge reasons to be thoroughly embarrassed: the blowout his Celtics suffered at the hands of the old, boring Spurs and being swatted this badly by a slow, white, geeky, balding chump. (via Real Cavs Fans)
And this wasn’t the first time this year Manu has publicly de-scrotumed a future Hall of Famer named Kevin. Here we see Mr. Durant also get got by the Argentine. (Video via Project Spurs … Click through to see KD’s PG-rated response to the block … And my sincere apologies for the Sean Elliot commentary.)
Is that all?
Nope.
Here’s Manu standing on his head to prevent a lay-up attempt by his Eastern Conference SG doppelgänger. If you can’t stand the Heat, Dwyane, better get out of the kitchen.
Am I right?
Lastly, who can forget this Halloween swat?
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I’m not a believer in fate or “everything happens for a reason” or any of that bullshit. But when your star guard knocks a bat out the damn sky on Halloween night, your team is probably winning the Championship.
That shit went out like a Scud missile. (video via Fan IQ)
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In what is easily the greatest news that I somehow missed, Nike’s Hyperize sneaker line released two pairs of White Men Can’t Jump themed kicks last month. Not since Schindler’s List beat out the Woody Harrelson/Wesley Snipes opus for the Best Picture Academy Award has there been a greater injustice than these shoes not currently residing on my feet.
Nice Kicks breaks down the logistics.
One pair, drawing inspiration from Wesley Snipes’s character Sidney Deane contains a primarily black upper with multiple laser blue and red details throughout the base. If you recall, Sidney Deane’s basketball gear contained plenty colors on the Venice Beach playground. In addition, Woody Harrelson’s character Billy Hoyle is represented by the predominately white Hyperize. It possesses minimal neon accents throughout the base as well. However, one of the more interesting features on Billy Hoyle’s PE (if you will) is the tongue logo which reads, “I’m in the F*#@!ng Zone!”. If you recall, this was one of Hoyle’s memorable lines in the film.
While the “What are you worried about? I’m in a fuckin’ zone. They’re pissed off. I’m in a zone” moment during the Two-On-Two For Brotherhood Basketball Tournament (also know as the TTBBT) is an epic cinematic moment on par with “Rosebud” or “I’m no good at being noble, but it doesn’t take much to see that the problems of three little people don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world,” the Sidney shoes are the more impressive of the two.
Not only do they have the phrase “YOU CAN LISTEN TO JIMI BUT CAN’T HEAR HIM” written on the insoles, but they also have a tongue that flips up to mimic Sid’s iconic cycling hat, which is an astounding display of engineering genius.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to figure out a way to wear four sneakers at the same time.
It’s hard goddamn work.
UPDATE: This WMCJ audio quote repository is good times.
I’d much rather look good and lose.
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