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Vinny of the Black

Great Moments in Facial Hair History: Vol. XII

by Jared Wade on April 29, 2009 at 11:46 am

John Salmons must have had a very conflicted Tuesday evening. One on hand, he repeatedly got torched down the stretch by Paul Pierce, who decided to drill pull-up jumper after pull-up jumper in the fourth quarter and overtime after realizing that Bulls coach Vinny of the Black has a learning disability and thus was not going to send a double team at him. But on the other hand, John probably looked in the mirror at some point after the game and saw this fantastic face growth while Louis Armstrong’s “What a Wonderful World” started playing inside his head.

Moral of the story: Win some, lose some.

Therefore, this Great Moment is dedicated to the man we in the NBA Twitterverse have affectionately begun calling Fish Sticks. And, yes, by “we” I mean “me.”

And in mildly related Bulls news, this is my favorite cartoon thus far from the Garbage Time-All Stars.

“There are two kinds of people in this world that go around beardless—boys and women—and I am neither one.” – traditional Greek saying (Photo by Brian Babineau/NBAE via Getty Images)

Known Associates: Bulls, Celtics, Derrick Rose, Great Moments in Facial Hair History, John Salmons, The Truth, Vinny of the Black

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Reggie’s Haircut, Ron Harper’s Chain, Manute Bol’s Sir Status, Vinny of the Black’s Uncle Tony, Xavier’s Little One and Kurt Rambis’ Mustache

by Jared Wade on March 4, 2009 at 4:57 pm

This six-minute video on trash-talking features a stunning array of late-80s NBA nostalgia. (via NESW Sports)

Even forgetting everything in the title, MJ’s debonair suspenders and John Spider Sally’s windsuit alone could have carried this thing, not to mention the three or four white dudes who don’t even look athletic enough to be agents for the modern player let alone in a uniform.

As for content, there are few decent jokes/tales of shit-talking lore. We also get a nice preview of Reggie’s future awkward on-camera personality. Plus, there’s a Craig Hodges sighting — something that hasn’t happened in a solid decade. Did he die or something?

Known Associates: Chuck Person, Craig Hodges, Danny Ainge, John Sally, Kurt Rambis, Larry Bird, MJ, Reggie, Ron Harper, Vinny of the Black, Xavier

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Vinny Of The Black Will Yell at You. You Will Like It and Say “Thank you, sir, may I have another?”

by Jared Wade on December 12, 2008 at 4:05 pm

What? You really think you can just pull-up in front of Vincent uncontested? Not fucking likely, Brady Bunch. I’m shouting in your ear Of The Black style. That’s how we do. (via Ball Don’t Lie)

Known Associates: Bulls, Knicks, Q, Vinny of the Black

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All the News Fit to Six: November 19, 2008

by Jared Wade on November 19, 2008 at 12:48 pm

(Photo by Stephen Dunn/Getty Images)

Known Associates: All the News Fit to Six, Bulls, Vinny of the Black

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Everybody Opts Out?

by Jared Wade on June 30, 2008 at 11:25 pm

Well, not really.

Tru Warier isn’t going anywhere. Neither is Shawn Marion.

But, in a surprise move, Baron Davis opted out today.

So did Elton Brand and Corey Maggette, but those were more expected. Brand is (publicly) still trying to re-sign long-term with the Clips, while Maggette will now be the biggest name free agent other than The Beard (I know…hard to believe).

There’s only one reason to remain a Clipper: Boat loads of greenbacks.

Antawn Jamison already re-signed with DC for 4-years/$50 million (though SI is reporting it as $44 million) after opting out earlier this Summer. So now that Gilbert’s hostage demands have theoretically been met, Wiz President Ernie Grunfield can move on to inking Hibachi. The current reported offer is 6 years/$100 million, which would be about a $20 million discount over 6 years from the max. Jamison expects that Gil may take a little less now that his partner-in-crime has been taken care of.

“I just signed. We got it out of the way,” Jamison told The Associated Press.

“He said he’d take less money if they got me, and they got me,” Jamison said. “So I think everything will get worked out with Gilbert.”

$11–12.5 million per is quite a price-tag for the 32-year-old, creaky kneed Jamison, but he is coming off a 79-game All Star season and I guess you gotta do what you gotta do to keep fan-favorite and franchise reinvigorater Agent Zero on the roster — even if Arenas’ own knees have become questions marks themselves (not literally, jackass).

So maybe Baron saw Arenas-sized dollar signs in his head and rethought his strategy?

Either way, it will be interesting to see what happens now that he turned down his final year at $17 million. No one on the open market can give him that much aside from a sign-and-trade. Does he go to Detroit for the Chauncey Billups/Sheed package? Does he end up in South Beach for Marion? Or just re-sign long-term back with Mully, Nellie and Co. in Golden State? The rumor mill is claiming that Baron opted out because they couldn’t reach an agreement on an long-term extension, so going back to GState might be less likely now. Other rumors point to the Lakers, although all of these could just be complete shenanigans.

Who knows really?

Regardless, the free agent market just went from complete trash to “Hey, wait a minute.” It will at least be interesting to see where the next domino falls. Also, it should be good to see what Bulls GM John Paxson and new Coach Vinny of the Black decide to do with Deng, Gordon, et al. I mean, you know they’re gonna screw it up…But how?

“There are two kinds of people in this world that go around beardless — boys and women — and I am neither one.” – traditional Greek saying

Known Associates: Antawn Jamison, Elton Brand, Ernie Grunfeld, Hibachi, John Paxson, Maggette, Matrix, The Beard, Tru Warier, Vinny of the Black

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