When you think of a “warrior,” an image of a Blue Man Group-looking dude on steroids holding a thunderbolt is conjured up in your mind, right? Wait, you’re actually picturing Kevin Costner wearing bear skin garments holding a spear? Sick bastard.
I get it, the dude is supposed to be a warrior wielding a thunderbolt. And since I didn’t read comic books, the only guy I know who threw thunderbolts was Zeus. And Zeus was just a big ol’ whore … which I guess is fitting since both the Warriors and Too $hort represent Oakland.
But Blue Man Warrior isn’t prepared to throw the thunderbolt down from the heavens as Zeus did. No, he looks like he’s about to shank someone in the shower.
Then you have the Eyes Wide Shut mask. Boy, the artist really has a thing for Greek mythology/Stanley Kubrick flick carnal undertones. He or she probably nicknamed the rendered character Fidelio and spanks it to creepy piano music.
Which brings me to another issue. Dude has his shirt off. How many warriors go to war without protecting their vital organs? None that I know. Brendan Haywood would probably call this warrior a regular Stephon Marbury.
Yep, the Golden State Warriors logo pretty much sucks. And if you were wondering … yes, I think I can do better. I’m talking neon-colored arm tassels people. But hey, I guess the current version is better than the smiling, basketball-dribbling Native American that the franchise first used as a logo when it was in Philadelphia.
As most of you probably know by now, LeBron had a potentially game-winning shot against Washington nullified yesterday by a ref whistling the Chosen One for a walk. Here’s the video of the move, which pretty much everyone aside from LeBron — who claims it was merely a routine “crab dribble” — sees as him taking three steps. (Video, which annoying won’t play in high quality, via Slam)
Regardless of your interpretation on the play’s legality (meaning, whether or not your a Cavs fan pretty much), the Wizards have plenty to say.
“I definitely knew he traveled, but I didn’t think they were gonna call it,” Caron said. “You know, two years ago, looking in hindsight, it was the same thing that happened in the playoffs. And we get that call, who knows what would have happened with everybody healthy. But that was one of them situations in which a great player made a move, good officiation, and they called the call. And I was just like, ‘Aw, man. There is a God. There is a God.’”
Or for those of you into the whole brevity thing, DeShawn Stevenson offers his subtle analysis.
“I don’t like him. I don’t like that dude.”
And while that’s pretty awesome, you’d think it even better if you saw what he was wearing at the time. I unfortunately don’t have an image, but it was a self-described by the Locksmith as a “throwback, 80s, velvet, beanpie suit…with a bow tie.”
And that right there, ladies and gents, is Exhibit A why you don’t waste your Sunday afternoon watching Ravens/Dolphins.
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