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The Wire

The NBA and The Wire: Together for the Millionth Time on BTPH, Perhaps Beause I’m a Racist

by Jared Wade on November 16, 2009 at 2:20 pm

I’m aware that using The Wire as a means to discuss the NBA is stupid, played out and perhaps even racist. But I spend an exorbitant amount of time thinking about both these things. And the series is so insightful in so many ways that, even if I was writing about bowling or masonry, I would likely be using The Wire as a lens to discuss those things, too.

So when I came across this video of the “100 Greatest Quotes from The Wire” over at Matt Ufford’s television blog Warming Glow, it was easily the highlight of my afternoon. Then, when I heard Avon drop a Pat Riley reference at the 30-second mark, I was all “Sweet, an NBA tie in that will allow me to share this with BTPH readers and hopefully help urge at least a few more of the unfortunate, sad, deprived humans who have still yet to watch The Wire to do so.”

But, as I have been wont to do in the past while ripping off a Bill Simmons gimmick, I soon started to hear a lot of sentiments that could also appear in a current state of the union address about the NBA. So rather than just posting the video, calling it a day and heading off to get some quality glue-huffing on, per usual, I decided to give yall Both Teamsters what disingenuous business executives like to refer to as “added value” when they are trying to sell you something that you don’t need.

So here’s a few of these 100 quotes transcribed along with some added quick thoughts from yours truly about how they might relate to the NBA. And, oh yeah, this is all NSFW.

“Ayo, listen here, Bey. You come at the king you best not miss.” (Omar – 0:19)

Just a reminder to all those who think the Cavs aren’t legit title contenders this season that it took a historically amazing shooting performance from the Magic last season to keep The King from making his second trip to the Finals.

“We either step up or we step the fuck off.” (Bodie – 0:36)

Portland looks promising. But to hang with Denver and San Antonio — let alone LA — they’re going to need Greg Oden to both keep up his early-season defensive and board dominance and step up his offensive production as well. Tough order, indeed. But it’s either that or do what Bodie said.

“You can’t even call this shit a war … War’s end.” (Carver – 1:06)

The Lakers/Celtics rivalry will never end — and that’s a great thing for this League.

“Fuck it then. For another sandwich and some ‘tay-ta salad, I’ll go a few more.” (WeeBey – 1:20)

Given the economy, the state of the Heat franchise, the tax code in Florida and his seeming large desire to be regarded as “the NBA’s preeminent good guy,” it seems more and more like Dwyane Wade isn’t going anywhere this summer, provided Pat Rily gives him a max deal, another sidekick and, of course, some potato salad.

“You disappoint me, String. I had such fucking hopes for us.” (Jimmy McNulty – 1:42)

My feelings about whatever collection of suits is running the Hornets into the ground, providing no help for the best PG since Magic and somehow making games featuring Chris Paul almost unwatchable.

“Alright, cottage-cheese-chest-ass muthafucka.” (Cheese – 1:44)

There’s an Eddy Curry joke in there somewhere.

“I’ll take any muthafucka’s money if he giving it away.” (Clay Davis – 2:24)

I have a feeling Stephen Jackson and Corey Maggette both thought this at some point before signing their deals in Golden State.

“No offense, son, but that’s some weak-ass thinking. You equivocating like a muthafucka.” (Bubbles – 2:37)

Dear Michael Jordan,

Please stop trading away guys/contracts like J-Rich for guys like Raja Bell and then flipping youngsters like Shannon Brown for overpaid, one-dimensional guys with bad contracts like Vlad Rad only to deal a bunch of those guys for an offensive infusion in the form of Stephen Jackson and his questionable contract, particularly when you could have gotten similar offensive production by signing Iverson cheaply and short-term this summer. Do you even have anything remotely resembling a long-term plan?

“The Bunk is strictly a suit-and-tie muthafucka.” (Bunk Moreland – 2:45)

To me, a Pacers fan, this is sadly a distinction that is looking more and more fitting for Mike Dunleavy, Jr. by the day.

“Avon, you gotta think about what we got in this game for, man. Was it for the rep? Was it so our names could ring out on some ghetto-ass street corners, man?” (Stringer Bell – 3:11)

Listen up, AI, if for no other reason than so I can watch you play a few more seasons.

“A good church man is always up in everybody’s shit.” (Deacon – 3:45)

Hey, Dwight. I love the fact that you’re a good church man. But you averaging only 10.7 boards and 1.8 blocks per game is not acceptable. You’re clearly a robot sent back in time. Start acting like one.

“I swear to fucking Christ, we will beat you longer and harder than you beat your own dick. Cause you do not get to win shitbird. We do.” (Carver – 4:03)

May as well be the Lakers war cry.

“This here is a gun-powder-activated, .27-calibre, full-auto, no-kick-back, nail-throwin’ mayhem, man. Shit right here is tight.” (Snoop – 5:22)

…and the Celtics can use this one.

“If it’s a lie, we fight on that lie.” (Slim Charles – 5:38)

Seven Seconds or Less never made a Finals, so it’s hard to believe the current watered-down roster Suns players is going to be a legit contender running uptempo either. But even if “offense wins championships” is a boldface lie, that’s the only way you can play when you have Steve Nash. Stick to it, Mr. Kerr.

“Next, we step to June Bug for talking that shit. He was a dead man when he opened his mouth. He just walking around not knowing it.” (Marlo – 5:48)

I have a feeling this will be the story of every game for the rest of Rajon Rondo’s career that he goes up against Chris Paul.

“Worrying about you would be like wondering if the sun gonna come up.” (Omar – 6:03)

How the rest of the Western Conference thinks about the Spurs.

“It makes me sick, muthafucka, thinking about how far we done fell.” (Bunk – 6:14)

How the Knicks think about themselves.

“Motherfuckers come to me and say ‘It’s a new day, Jimmy,’ talking shit about how it’s gonna change. Nothing ever fucking changes.” (Jimmy McNulty – 6:51)

How Clippers fans feel about the NBA.

“Let em know that Marlo step to any muthafucka: Omar, Barksdale, whoever. My name is my name.” (Marlo – 9:34)

What Kobe wakes up everyday thinking, only using MJ, LeBron and DWade’s names instead.

“Jesus. What the fuck did I do?” (Jimmy McNulty – 9:42)

Says the guy who gave Elton Brand $80 million.

“There’s a thin line between heaven and here.” (Bubbles – 9:46)

I was tipped off about this video by FreeDarko / The Baseline’s Bethlehem Shoals, who just so happens to have been a main contributor to Heaven and Here. Tagged as “Tweedy, Impertinent Notes on a Criminal Conspiracy,” it’s the best Wire resource I’ve ever come across in terms of adding discourse to the work that I consider not just the best television show of all time — cause that’s a fucking given — but the best creative work of any sort of all time. And I’m not hyperbolizing that at all.

Be sure to check in over at Heaven and Here as you watch The Wire for the first — or the tenth — time.

Known Associates: The Wire

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NBA/The Wire Look-Alikes

by Jared Wade on January 9, 2009 at 9:54 pm

Earlier today, The Hoop Doctors‘ surgeon general Dr. Anklesnap was doing what everyone should be doing five times per day: Thinking about Baron Davis’ beard.

In doing so, he came across this post of NBA players who look like characters on The Wire and came up with a few more of his own. I followed suit because I’m unoriginal and because I have a couple more to offer due to the fact that I’ve spent an unhealthy amount of my life in deep concentration about how The Wire helps explain every aspect of human existence.

If you have any others, go leave em in the comments at Hoop Doctors. And extra special thanks to Tony Silberfeld for coming up with the last one.

K-Mart and Cheese

Donyell Marshall and Bubs

Mike D’Antoni and The Greek

Oak and Chris Partlow

Mark Madsen and Prezbo

Rudy Gay and Michael

Manu and Ziggy Sobotka

Eddy Curry and Prop Joe

Brian Scalabrine and Ronda Pearlman

Known Associates: Brian Scalabrine, D'Antoni, Donyell Marshall, Eddy Curry, Kenyon, Manu, Mark Madsen, Oakley, Rudy Gay, Separated at Birth, The Wire

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The Wire: Five Seasons in Five Minutes

by Jared Wade on January 8, 2009 at 11:43 am

I know this thing has been rather YouTube-heavy of late and I know The Wire ostensibly has nothing to do with the NBA — although the coaching ability Prop Joe showed in “Game Day” might earn him a head job for some team if they all keep firing these coaches.

But I really don’t care.

It’s well known around here that I’m a full-blown Wire-head (see last year’s Western Confernce and Eastern Conference Playoff previews) and I’m making an exception this one time for this phenomenal five-minute rap verse that breaks down the plot of the entire series in five minutes. I don’t know who did this, nor do I know who chopped up the Season 3 theme for the head-nod beat, but they done kilt it. (I’ll try to track that info down and update this later.)

Obviously don’t watch this if you haven’t watched all five seasons.

And if you haven’t watched all five seasons, quit your job and do so immediately. (But don’t read the spoilers below the video.)

UPDATE: The rapper is Skillz. Shoulda realized cause he has his signature Annual Rap Up that I’ve been listening to for like five years. Here’s as far back as I can find: 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008.

My favorite lines:

McNulty and the judge get to talking for an hour
And find out the Barksdales control the whole towers
Along with Stinger Bell, the judge had heard enough
A witness goes down and the wire goes up

Police chief, yeah, his rank is proper
Because of the window, he starts a war with Frank Sobotka

Sobotka dies, too, his nephew feeling the heat
He flips on the Greek, but the Greek aint even Greek

Burrell, he makes a play of his own
Enter a contract killer named Brother Mouzone

Marlo’s got the corners, and Carcetti beats Royce
Bodie sells for Marlo ’cause he doesn’t have a choice
Cops taking pics, McNulty’s still hunting
Marlo got Chris and Snoop killing for nothing
Omar robs him for half his paper
Tells him money don’t have owners, it only has takers

Discuss.

Known Associates: The Wire

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Obama: “Who’s Coming In Second?”

by Jared Wade on October 28, 2008 at 3:14 pm

Like another Legend before him, Barack Obama likes to talk shit on the basketball court. (via FanHouse)

According to new Knicks point guard Chris Duhon, “He talks the whole time. He’s never quiet.” In an interview with MSG’s Jill Martin airing tomorrow, Duhon said he played the Illinois senator in a pickup game in Chicago, where Duhon played for the Bulls. “What are some of the things he would say?” Martin asked. “‘You can’t guard me!’ Just random talk,” Duhon replied. “He knows the game. He’s like a point guard out there, and so he’s always telling guys where to go, what to do, very vocal.”

I just really hope that after he wins the election next week his first comment is “That Oval Office has had my name on it for a year now. I knew I was gonna win it. My party members said I wasn’t gonna win it, but I came back and…lucked out, really.”

Between this, his presumed love for Sheed as a Tar Heel fan and his favorite show being The Wire, I’m actually considering voting for someone other than Eric B. for the first time.

Then again, he does eat babies.

UPDATE: Not only does Obama love The Wire, The Wire loves him back.

Like Larry, Obama can put his finger up before the contest is even over.

Known Associates: Barack, Eric B., Larry Legend, politics, The Wire

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A Playoff Weekend With The Wire (Part 2)

by Jared Wade on May 4, 2008 at 7:42 am

**** So this is awkward. Part 2 never really happened in full given a string of nice weather followed by a week out of town, followed by a bunch of other crap coming up. But, hey, here’s an abbreviated version of what would have been just cause I care and I know you were all on the edge of your seats (Hi Mom). Just roll with it, okay? ****

After the conclusion of The Wire last month, I was convinced that, in terms of pure quality of programming, I would never have a parallel TV-watching experience. When it comes to creative works, that’s still probably true.

This year’s Western Conference Playoffs, however, has the potential to be the best thing to ever appear on television. To put things in proper perspective, the worst First Round match-up features an “underdog” that features a Top 50 player of all time, a potential Hall of Famer and the reigning Defensive Player of the Year.

So…to preview each team’s chances in what hope to be some of the best NBA Playoff series (serieses? seriesi?) ever played, we’re gonna let characters from the final season of the best television series of all time do the talking.

The other day we did the first half.

Here’s the last — and certainly least — half.

Gus Triandos

Toronto Raptors

“Shining up shit and calling it gold.” – Cedric Dainels

Not much to say here. These guys are softer than rabbit feet.

vs.

Orlando Magic

“Tomorrow aint promised to no one. Meanwhile, we go on.” – Marlo

The similarities are somewhat eerie between the Magic of today and the Magic of Young Shaq.

One all-world, cyborg-esque man child ripping down backboards nightly and legitimately doing at least three things every game that make you say “Fuck me sideways, there’s no way that happened” and a bunch of three point bombers on the perimeter. The role of D3’s “plays above his talent level and has bowling ball sized melons when it comes to taking and making clutch shots” is being played by Hedo, and the Nick Anderson role of “now you see me score 25, now you don’t” is being held down admirably by Rasard.

Unfortunately, there’s no Penny. And there’s not even a Lil’ Penny. I mean, there’s not even a Scott Skiles.

They need to make a decision on Jameer soon. Because, before ya know it, Dwight is gonna be a free agent just like Shaq was.

And contrary to popular belief, Orlando may not be the Happiest Place on Earth for the Big Fella shortly. It could be a Wild Ride. They don’t wanna find out It’s A Small World After All. This summer is the time to make a Splash (Mountain). Losing Dwight could turn the O-Renas into a Tower of Terror.

Should I keep going? Cause I’ve got more. This is gold, Jerry…gold.

Denver Nuggets

“You’re his partner in crime. You know what it is he can and can’t do. If in the end this is all there is to him—if he can’t be better than this—I just wanna know.” – Beadie

AI is a Hall of Famer. Camby is the reigning DPOY. What’s ‘Melo? Bernard King 2.0 with good knees? Or a shorter Derrick Coleman who don’t snitch?

We won’t really find out this year, given that they’re not beating LA regardless of what Melo does, and granted, he’s still not even 24…but we should have a pretty good idea of what Melo will be within the next two years.

vs.

Los Angeles Lakers

“He was the black sheep. The permanent pariah. He asked no quarter of the bosses and none was given. He learned no lessons. He acknowledged no mistakes. He was as stubborn a Mick as ever stumbled out the Northeast parishes to take a patrolman’s shield. He did what he wanted to do and he said what he wanted to say, and in the end, he gave you the clearances. He was natural po-lice. Yes he was. And I don’t say that often about many people — not even when they’re on the felt here — not unless it happens to be true. Natural poe-lice…But Christ…what an asshole. And I’m not talking about the gaping orifice that all of us possess. I mean an all-encompassing, all-consuming, out-of-proportion-to-every-other-facet-of-his-humanity chasm from whose born, if I may quote Shakespeare, ‘no traveler has ever returned.’” – Jay Landsman

Last summer, Kobe was the biggest prick on the planet. Now he’s the MVP. The best part is that the entire turn of events that occurred this year are not in the least bit surprising. If there’s one thing you can always count on, it’s Mamba being Mamba.

Philadelphia 76ers

“They changed up.” – Omar

Well, lookie here…Philly actually has a team. These young cats put up an admirabe showing in the Second Half of the year and found themselves a 7-seed. It’s doubtful they can keep it up against MoTown, but Thaddeus Young is looking like a great pick and they sure at least started to prove all the doubters wrong who wondered why take him when you already have Iggy and Carney. Seems Andre Miller sure showed everyone why they were better off keeping him instead of giving him away at wholesale price before the All Star Break. Mo Cheeks may as well get in on this “Fuck the Haters” party, too, while we’re at it.

Should be the most promising off-season in sometime in Philly.

vs.

Detroit Pistons

“Did somebody not get the message?” – Thomas Carcetti

Yeah, the Celtics and possibly even Cleveland are for real. There’s no way Detroit gets to the Finals this year with the same “We’ll try when we need to” attitude that’s held them back the past two seasons. Also…be careful, Jason Maxiell eats babies.

Atlanta Hawks

“Young’n on some different opinion shit.” – Snoop

Apparently, the Hawks think they have a shot in this thing. I like the confidence. Hope to see it again next year.

vs.

Boston Celtics

“The game is the game.” – Marlo
“Always.” – Avon

Let’s not kid ourselves…This is the NBA.

The best team is the team with the best players.

Always.

Known Associates: 2008 NBA Playoffs, The Wire

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A Playoff Weekend With The Wire (Part 1)

by Jared Wade on April 20, 2008 at 6:44 pm

This year’s Western Conference Playoffs, however, has the potential to be the best thing to ever appear on television. To put things in proper perspective, the worst First Round match up features an “underdog” that has a Top 50 player of all time, a potential Hall of Famer and the reigning Defensive Player of the Year in its starting lineup.

Marlo
So…to preview each team’s chances in what hope to be some of the best NBA Playoff series (serieses? seriesi?) ever played, we’re gonna let characters from the final season of the best television series of all time do the talking.

Today, we’ll start with the first four Saturday match ups that are kicking things off this weekend.

Check back tomorrow for the last — and certainly least — half.

Washington Wizards

“I wasn’t meant to play a son.” – Marlo

Gilbert Arenas coming back is one of the best things for NBA fans.

Gilbert Arenas coming back is maybe the worst thing for Wizards fans.

I love Hibachi. I really do. Most entertaining aspect of the NBA without question. But after playing one way all season, Caron, Antwan, et al. will have to adjust now that Gilbert is back and dominating the ball again. He did well to blend in and just be part of the offense in his limited minutes during his regular season return, but as we saw in the waning minutes of Game 1, the Wizards late game offense is “Hope for Hibachi.” When he hits his shots, it’s amazing. When he doesn’t they can’t win.

Maybe after Game 1 he will revert back to being just another one of the guys. But it’s pretty hard to see him stepping aside so that Caron can take the shot or that he will just run the offense to try and find an open look. And it really seems that his teammates are conditioned to defer to him late and that’s all they know how to do anymore.

I’m not saying they woulda had a chance without Gil either. They would have lost to Cleveland regardless.

But now they know exactly how it’s gonna happen.

vs.

Cleveland Cavaliers

“Why don’t you just shove the broom up my ass and I’ll sweep the floor while I’m at it?” — Bill Zorzi

In last year’s Playoffs, the Cavs swept the Gilbert Arenas-less Wiz and then handled the rudderless Nets with relative ease. Then came Detroit in the Eastern Conference Finals.

Few thought they could win. In the first two games, they looked outmatched. Still, even after shooting a miserable 37.2% as a team in Game 1, the Cavs had a chance to win at the end. Bron Bron famously drove and dished to Donyell Marshall, who subsequently clanged a jumper off the rim to seal the loss. For the next two days, LeBron was skewered by many for passing the ball to a wide-open shooter. There was a legitimate debate over whether he should have taken a shot while double-teamed or passed to the open guy in the corner. Seriously…this happened. I’m sure Skip Bayless would tell you all about it if you don’t believe me.

In Game 2, the Cavs again shot like dogshit (40%) but managed to hang in a very similar game that Flip Saunders called “like Groundhog Day.” At the end of the game, LeBron was in the same scenario with a chance to win and this time he dribbled into the lane, spun and took an off-balance jumper with Rip Hamilton all over him. It missed. Again, LeBron was criticized widely — by some for missing the shot and by others for failing to pass.

In Game 3, dude said “fuck yall” and dropped 32/9/9 while dunking over people, hitting clutch jumpers and drilling step-back threes throughout the fourth quarter.

In Game 4, his line wasn’t as impressive, but he similarly controlled all late game situations by playing point guard, point forward and even point post player.

Bron Dunk

Then came Game 5.

Umm…yeah.

If you don’t recall, you can witness here.

Or if you don’t want to recap, all you really need to know is that at one point while calling the game Steve Kerr calls LeBron’s performance “Jordanesque.”

It was total bullshit. Because not even Jordan ever did anything like that.

After that explosion, it was game…set…match. Frankly, I’m not even sure why Detroit showed up for Game 6 (and, actually, they really didn’t: Cleveland won 98 – 82).

Then they got swept by San Antonio in the Finals.

Predictably, that was LeBron’s fault too.

Fast forward ten months and it’s looking like more of the same.

Sure, Danny Ferry shuffled the deck chairs a little bit and this Cavs team is improved. But they’re also gonna hafta get through both a “Remember the Alamo” Detroit team as well as the Boston Three Party, who are vastly superior to anything the East had to offer last season. And if the Cavs somehow manage to get through all that, then, surprise, they get the best team in the West.

Basically, there’s absolutely no chance this is the year LeBron gets his first ring.

But it sure will be fun watching him try.

Houston Rockets

“You think I’m gonna be the scapegoat for the whole damn machine? Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.” – Sen. Clay Davis

As most diehard NBA fans know, TMac’s reputation as a loser that can’t get out of the First Round is half truth/half bullshit.

Like Bill Buckner, sure, plenty of blame can be thrown Tracy’s way, but the man is not a loser. His infamous proclamation of “see ya next round” when his Magic were up 3-1 in the series only to eventually lose still haunts him, but the guy has two scoring titles, six All NBA selections and just recently captained a ragtag Rockets roster to a 22-game win streak — the second longest run in League history. Most importantly, a guy that dropped these 62 points in a game, scored these 13 points in 35 seconds, hit this Playoff game-winner against Dallas, hit this three-point Playoff game-winner against Dallas, and had this Bird/Niquesque shootout with Dirk against Dallas is not a loser. (Sidenote: “Niquesque” is now my favorite word and you will see it used on this site with increasing and inappropriate frequency.)

Unfortunately, this still aint gonna be the the year he wins a series. With Yao out, he doesn’t have the supporting cast to even beat a solid Utah squad, let alone stand any real chance in this cut-throat Western Conference. The dude is bringing knives to tank fight.

But if it’s any consolation — and I’m sure it’s not — Tracy can watch this fantastic clip, which will unequivocally go down as the best user-generated, heartfelt YouTube tribute to Tracy McGrady’s Playoff frustration featuring Evanescence background music and multiple black-and-white replays of two back-breaking Mehmet Okur three-pointers.

And don’t worry about the legacy, TMac. Heads know.

vs.

Utah Jazz

“There’s something to this. I just haven’t figured it out. We need some more manpower.” – Det. Lester Freamon

It’s hard to argue that anyone in the West (aside from LA) goes any deeper than Utah.

Deron Williams and Carlos Boozer are a force of nature. It’s really hard to believe that there is once again such a great PG/PF combo in Salt Lake again. But Deron is just that refined, that savvy, that physical, that clutch, that….great. And Booz can do everything offensively. Okur, as Charmin soft as he can be, is one of the more offensively adept 7-footers in the NBA. And although you never know if AK-47 will hold the other teams best player in check for 40 minutes or sob quietly after the game for 40 minutes, the guy can play. The move to get Kyle Korver was incredibly savvy and the way his range spaces the floor makes the Deron/Booz pick-and-roll borderline unstoppable. Paul Millsap is one of the best rebounders in the League and an ideal first big off the bench. Matt Harpring is a pro’s pro and though he does nothing great, he does everything rather well. The Ronnies (Brewer and Price) play good perimeter D and add change-of-pace athleticism.

AK bowl

All in all, that’s very solid.

So what’s the problem?

Other than lack of interior defense (which is obviously a big problem against San Antonio, LA and Phoenix) all this goes to show that in the NBA, quality always trumps quantity. Having the options to complement Boozer in the frontcourt with any of Okur, AK, Millsap and Harpring is nice. But if Utah makes an off-season deal to create something like Boozer/Marion/Millsap or Boozer/Camby/AK, they would be all that much better.

Until they can trade quantity for quality, they won’t make it over the hump.

Phoenix Suns

“It’s genius. Or not.” — Det. Jimmy McNulty

Even Suns GM Steve Kerr knows there was no middle ground in getting Shaq. “If it works, I’m a genius,” he said at Diesel’s introductory press conference. “If it doesn’t, I’m a moron.”

Though it looked suspect at first, things turned out well and Amare is now free to do any and everything he wants on offense. I doubt we’ll ever see the 37 ppg/10 ppg he put up in against Duncan and San Antonio in 2005, but with Shaq there to help slow down Timmy a little bit, we probably will not see the Suns lose 4-1 either. Ideally, Nash/Amare/Shaq would have one cupcake series first to tune up and get running on all cylinders.

Too bad they’re playing the Spurs in what should be the most competitive First Round series ever witnessed. If they can manage to make it out, this could finally be the year they get out of the West.

If not, I wouldn’t say this is the Suns last hurrah. But it’s hard to believe that next season won’t be.

vs.

San Antonio Spurs

“My name is my name.” – Marlo

I’m not even wasting my time on this one.

Yall knew who they are. Then yall forgot. After Game 1, yall remembered again.

They’re the favorites.

Timmy Trophies

Dallas Mavericks

“Yeah, that’s what you say. But it’s how you carry yourself…You was never one of us, and you never could be.” – Snoop

The Mavs won’t get it done. It’s as plain as the David West hand on Dirk’s face.

I never liked the Kidd move and didn’t think they had a shot at the trophy regardless, but I saw all I needed to see in the second half of Game 1 against Nawlins. And no, I’m not talking about Chris Paul’s utter destruction of Big Ds nonexistent D.

I’m talking about Dirk (and all of his teammates) allowing the reigning NBA MVP to get shown up, embarrassed and downright “sonned” by a first-time All Star who is physically smaller than him. I mean, are you kidding me, Dirk? I know you’re European and all, but you’re never gonna lose the tag of “softest Superstar in the League” when you allow David West to put his hands on your face and finger-point scold you like you’re a low-earning trick working his corner.

Don’t make Tyson Chandler hafta choke a bitch.

vs.

New Orleans Hornets

“Shit, you just a boy.” – Vinsone

“That’s just a knee.” – Michael

Unfortunately, I’m an Indiana Pacers fan.

So each year of late, I’ve been selecting one other team with a shot to follow closely as well just so I can at least have someone to watch in the Playoffs. It’s not that I’m actively rooting for that second team — I just tend to watch most of that other team’s games and build some sort of familiarity. Basically, watching one good team play real basketball in a style I like to watch helps counteract the pure agony that is following the JailPacers.

Two years ago, it was Flash and Miami, which worked out really well.

Last year it was Deron, Booz and Sloan, which worked out pretty well.

This year, it was CP3 and Nawlins.

And it’s gonna work out pretty well.

Everyone seems to think New Orleans is a year away. The only legit reason most people have for this (other than the thin bench) is that few teams ever put everything together in their first real Playoff run. Well after watching thirty Hornets games this year, I know one thing: few teams have ever had Chris Paul either.

After his nightly MVP campaigning since the All Star break and his national coming out party in Game 1 on Saturday (not in a John Amaechi sense in case you missed it), I’m not even gonna bother listing his abilities and credentials. If you don’t see “it” in this kid, you might have something in common with the governor of New York.

Hornets jump

But it’s not just him.

David West is highly skilled and, on the court, it doesn’t matter that his status among pundits is now bordering on “being called underrated so much that he’s overrated.” (And can we get this guy a damn nickname so I don’t have to type his full name every time?) Tyson is an animal. Peja is still the best shooter in the League. Mo Pete is always solid even without doing anything particularly well. Bonzi can score and has no problem carrying the offense when others are slumping. Even Pargo is instant offense off the bench. Sure the rest of the bench is thin. But outside of LA, whose isn’t?

Look, the Western Conference is insane.

Anyone telling you they know who’s coming out is just a liar or an idiot.

So, yeah, New Orleans might indeed not make it through this unprecedented gauntlet.

But much like Phoenix, San Antonio or LA, it won’t be because they or Chris Paul lack the ability to make the Finals. It will just be because the two or three end-of-game plays that will inevitably decide the West champs will not happen to go their way.

That doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t ready.

It just means, in the words of Billy Hoyle, sometimes the ball don’t go down.

Known Associates: 2008 NBA Playoffs, The Wire

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