…in the form of a color-coded infotainment graphic that contrasts the two sides’ cumulative career Playoff scoring totals. (Taken directly from SuperSonicSoul via TalkHoops)
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Posts tagged as:
The Machine
This video really isn’t for everyone. Honestly, it’s probably not for many. Possibly, it’s just for me. But from my vantage point on life, this nine-minute video of Sasha Vujacic visiting an elementary school in Los Angeles may be more comedically enjoyable than anything else featured on this blog today.
And, more importantly, posting this video allows me to mention that I was only able to discover the footage of Sasha hanging out with these kids after a friend informed me about Sasha’s new-ish personal website SashaVujacic18.com, which was designed by the guy who runs LABallTalk.com, which is the website where I first saw a link to The Machine Videos, which in its latest episode attached the crybaby-label to Jerry Sloan, who I once compared to Tommy Lee Jones, who, in 1991, starred in the Oliver Stone film JFK with…Kevin Bacon.
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The Machine videos are by far the most consistently great things that exist in the NBA’s internet universe. So it was not at all surprising that Lakers-Fan’s new Sasha Vujacic video detailing his Game 4 and Game 5 performances versus the “Jazzercize” is fantastic. (video via @EthanJames via Ball Don’t Lie)
But given the added White Men Can’t Jump and Sandy Lyle mentions/footage, this one reaches epic proportions. The only way this thing could have been better is if Machine went with “…but we all know Machine not gay. Machine sexually active in the community with many lady friends…” after talking about how he enjoys touching Kobe’s ass.
In related news, Zach Harper of Talk Hoops is the only person I’ve met since my high-school best friend “Cools” that can hang with me on White Men Can’t Jump quotes. And for some reason, we decided to go toe-to-toe the other night exchanging quotes during the Playoffs. Given his “Well whose ever fucking debt, I’m not getting shot over it” and “Gloria, it was a pleasure. I like those rings. They’re kinda fly,” I think Zach was probably the victor. Then again, my verbatim accuracy was probably a little higher. But much like the Special Olympics, the real winners were everybody. So if, like me, you consider White Men Can’t Jump to be the only legitimate competition that Casablanca has for best film of all time-status, you will probably enjoy this rundown of our White Men Can’t Jump quote-off.
UPDATE: Zach and I recently determined that a person’s ability to spout off an appropriate Billy Ho or Sidney Dean quote for any occasion is known as that person’s “WMCJe Ne Sais Quoi.” Adjust your life plans accordingly.
UPDATE PART DEUX: Here’s yet another chronicle in ongoing saga that is The Machine Videos.
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Machine no longer need no human number identification system. Machine have own new Laker logo to drape over flesh-covered exoskeleton. Machine live in tent with gun.
(with many, many thanks to Lakers-Fan.com for the inspiration)
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As everybody knows by now, Shaq is on Twitter. And he loves it. The dude updates constantly, even dropping this tweet just a few hours before last week’s game against the Lakers:
THE_REAL_SHAQ Sittin next to steve nash, tryna get him to join twitter
Unfortunately, despite the novelty of Diesel putting an end to the “impostor Shaq” who had been duping some gullible people for weeks by pretending to be the big fella on the social networking site, the actual content of his “tweets” hasn’t been nearly as amazing as one would expect. There are a few nuggets of greatness here and there, but mostly it’s just meh.
But it’s his desire to bring Steve Nash on-board that got my attention. Nash, of course, would likely be incredibly boring to follow and constantly be saying things like “CANADIAN_BACON Remember to recycle” or “CANADIAN_BACON Terry Porter and I have philosophical differences about basketball but he’s a swell fellow.”
But there are a whole host of other NBA folk who could be simply spectacular.
These are my top ten.
Let’s get after it.
Shaq loves his Twitter and here he is with his Twitter BFF PhoenixSunsGirl. (Photo: PhoenixSunsGirl)
10. Marco Jaric
Untethered and constant communication from Marco could serve as an inspiration to millions and reinforce the fading global concept of the American Dream.
MJ2 On yacht with Adriana
MJ2 Game against Kobe then drinks at SkyBar with A, Heidi, Marisa and Double R-Stamos
MJ2 Vlady borrowed the Bentley so I’m driving A to her photo shoot in the Lambo
MJ2 Headed to PHX for a game and then Vegas with Leaaaaaaandro
MJ2 @VladRad You meeting us in LV? Got my whip?
MJ2 Judging a Vicki Secret pillow fight at Heff’s
MJ2 All-Star Weekend!!! PHX for them — St. Tropez for me
.
9. Donald Sterling
I need to know what this guy is up to at all times.
8. The Van Gundies & El Lopezi (four-way tie)
All @replies, all day, every day.
SVG @JVG I’ve never seen Rashard block a shot. Not in practice. Not at the NBA Cares elementary school game he played in
JVG @SVG Please. Compared to Allan Houston, Rashard is Scottie Pippen
THE_REAL_SHAQ @BLo Lay off mi amigo or The Big Assassin will kil ur girlfriend. lol. serious though, ill strangle her with a XBox controller cord
BLo @THE_REAL_SHAQ U better not . Minny Mouse is my everyting
SVG @JVG Dwight is RFLAO about Allan Houston
JVG @SVG I have no idea what that means but Mom says you look like an asshole in that mockneck/Abboud outfit. Grow up and put on a shirt and tie.
RLo @THE_REAL_SHAQ YEA SHAQ. Me, you, raja and biggity barnes should chalenge Brook, J boone, e & vince to a Survivor Series tag team match. that would be awesome we wood totaly win
THE_REAL_SHAQ @RLo calm down young’n
7. Vince Carter
This one comes with the caveat that that he doesn’t tell us what he’s doing, but only posts ten-times daily links to his favorite websites, LOLCATS and I Can Has Cheezburger.
6. Masha Lopatova (Andrei Kirilenko’s wife)
Given her “you can bang some other chick once a year” policy, I imagine she’s got a fairly single-track agenda.
AK47_BOO @AK47 u comin home tonite?
AK47_BOO @AK47 u comin home tonite?
AK47_BOO @AK47 u comin home tonite?
AK47_BOO @AK47 u comin home tonite?
5. Kevin Durant
Presumably, no one reading this has ever been to Oklahoma City. And since Kevin is one of twelve black people who have ever lived there according to census data I just made up, it would be an interesting sociological experiment to see what kinds of things he’s up to — especially when you factor in the mounting frustrations of a potential Hall of Famer whose talent is being squandered by the worst team in the League.
Durantula35 Won our home opener. Big start in OKC. Go Thunder.
Durantula35 Taking a date to Cheesecake Factory. Love that place! That Chicken Marsala is off the hook.
Durantula35 Tough loss. Russell and Jeff are playing better though. We’re coming together.
Durantula35 Wanted to go to Champs to buy a GP throwback tonight. But it closed at 7:30.
Durantula35 I’m still playing SG.
Durantula35 Cheesecake Factory.
Durantula35 Another home loss. Ugly game. We got booed.
THE_CHOSEN_ONE @Durantula35 Keep ya head up, Young Money
Durantula35 Chicken Marsala again.
Durantula35 Just heard back from Josh Childress. Says Greece is nice.
Durantula35 Ten-game skid. Urgh
Durantula35 cheesecake factory to celebrate PJ getting fired. nice.
Oden3000 @Durantula35 was hoping to see you in PHX for ASG. Maybe next year, homie.
Durantula35 new coach…still playing SG
Durantula35 lost to sacto at home…again
Durantula35 got dropped from nike.
Durantula35 chicken marsala
Durantula35 new coach is a dick…choked him during shootaround. whoops
Durantula35 just heard from Stern. one-year suspension.
Durantula35 bored. broke. robbed a liquor store. shot a korean.
Durantula35 final sentencing: attempt murder, 62 months minus time served
Durantula35 tossed some Colombian dude’s salad for a length of rope
Durantula35 Brooks Was Here. So Was Redd. Durantula Too. Bye World.
(Photo by Chris Graythen/Getty Image
4. Etan Thomas
I don’t know what a slam-haiku sounds like but I want to. Sixteen times a day.
(Photo: Politics and Prose Bookstore)
3. Susha Vujacic
We could pretty much bank on a more sophisticated display of his normal 1, 0, 1, 0, 1, 0, 1, 0 programming syntax.
The_Machine Camp
The_Machine Shoot
The_Machine Camp
The_Machine Shoot
The_Machine Camp
The_Machine Shoot
The_Machine Camp
The_Machine Shoot
2. Latrell Sprewell
Latrell joining Twitter would allow the world precious daily reminders such as:
Spree8 Only 37 hours left on that 56″ Plasma eBay auction. Never Watched! Don’t SLEEP!! http://tinyurl/635vc8
Spree8 Northfaces, son. NORTHFACES. Black, blue, cream, puffy, goretex, I got it all. Check the Craigslist http://tinyurl/65t9g7
Spree8 I’ll wax your car. Holla.
1. Ron Artest
What? Did you actually expect someone else?
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The video chronicles of The Machine are becoming more legendary by the day.
Here “Sasha Vujacic” finally comes clean and let’s us know what happened in Game 4 of last year’s NBA Finals. You can find all the other amazing ones here. (via Ball Don’t Lie)
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