Still, from Rony Seikaly and Glen Rice toiling away in obscurity to Timmy and Zo making waves in the East to Flash and Shaq bringing home the Larry O’Brien trophy, the franchise has enjoyed a nice linear arc of success. And the team’s entire style, along with its logo, has transformed from expansion fly to champion iconic. For a team that once retired Michael Jordan’s “23″ in its rafters, today, the only jersey you’re going to see on South Beach is a Dwyane Wade — or maybe a Rudy Gay.

Looking past any of that, juxtaposed against other NBA teams that use basketballs in their logos (looking squarely at you, Clipps and Nets), the Heat have laid out blueprint plans for how any expansion franchise in sports should create and manage its logo:

Step 1: Create a logo that relates to your name. (Disclaimer: If you’re name is “The Thunder,” change name before beginning logo process.)

Step 2: Make your logo simple, sticking to the script of what has worked historically while also — and this is where most teams go astray — adding a singular, unique element that sets you apart.

Step 3: Don’t use more than three colors — or four if completely necessary and you can give a legitimate, well-articulated reason for it.

Step 4: Don’t use ephemeral color combinations, lettering or design principles that will be dated in a decade. The last thing you want is to wind up like the Spurs, who abandoned their timeless silver-and-black logo in favor of colors representative of an interior design fad during the South West population boom, only to later realize that, yeah, don’t do that. Not so coincidentally, the Spurs have reverted back to their original look. See also: 76ers, Philadelphia; Pistons, Detroit. (And, yes, I realize that the Heat’s lettering might start to look dated within the next decade — although not necessarily. Regardless, they should be able to launch a preemptive, minor redesign that will avert looking like an early-90s relic if necessary.)

Step 5: If after a few years you determine that the logo is not perfect, tweak it a little provided you first determine that the logo is worth preserving. This is always the ideal way of changing things. Never change just for change’s sake. Worse still is changing for marketing sake or to create a new revenue stream. Fans have and want to maintain a connection to the past and even if it’s only five or six years, a change will be jarring and ultimately unfortunate. Still, be honest with yourselves. If the logo needs aborting, don’t hesitate — kick that bitch down the stairs.

Step 6: Once you have a good look, remember the best part of Jay-Z’s Blueprint and apply it to your franchise: Never Change.

What up to my Miami and St. Thomas connects.

If Hov don’t sign LeBron, him and Flash gonna get paper longer than Pippen’s arms.

My two personal favorites are probably Wilt Chamberneezy (which was self-assigned because he’s much like Wilt Chamberlain only neezy-er) and The Big Deporter (which was self-assigned because, as Bawketbawful states, both Arvydas Sabonis and Rik Smits “were outspoken about returning to their native countries after getting eliminated” by the Lakers in the 2000 Playoffs). But another one that’s pretty good is The Big Quotatious (which was self-assigned because, as it says in his Twitter bio, Diesel is “VERY QUOTATIOUS, I PERFORM RANDOM ACTS OF SHAQNESS”).

Now, after his recent Scrabble performance on the Jimmy Kimmel Show (his second great public Scrabble-playing display, it should be noted), we can probably add The Big eQuotatious to Shaq’s ever-expanding list of AKAs. (video from Ball Don’t Lie via NESW Sports)

In other Hall-of-Fame-center-on-late-night-TV news, a re-run of Bill Russell’s appearance on The Daily Show aired last night. I hadn’t seen it before, so it was new to me. And since Bill Russell might be the greatest human being alive (I mean, now that Billy Mays “Hayes” is dead), it was very enjoyable. You should watch it.

Thus, here’s a video of those two — plus her tall, blond partner and some dude — squaring off in a rock ‘em, sock ‘em game of beach volleyball on Big Aristotle’s new show Shaq Vs., which features him trying to beat pro athletes from other sports at those other sports. It’s an idea he reportedly stole from Steve Nash, whose only public comment on the matter thus far has been: “I don’t want nobody sound like nobody from my clan, man. Keep it real — getcha own shit, man. And be original.” (video via Hooped Up)

But some things are afoot — top secret special new things have come to light things — and between that and a few long-form, still-simmering-on-the-stove things that I need the weekend to finish up, time restraints round this way have precluded me from helping provide the nation with what it desperately needs. (Luckily, Sports Guy was here for that. This was predictable, but, c’mon, Bill, we don’t need you wasting your time rebutting foolishness. I guess he won’t be buying this.)

Sorry bout that. But really, what’s left to say? Matt Moore of Hardwood Paroxysm pretty much summed it up. (Although Shaq did it even better.) If Odom are Ariza played well, the Lakers weren’t going to lose. And that’s what happened. Maybe the Magic can turn it around in Game 6? We’ll see.

So where does Kobe rank on the All-Time list now? Slam just “remixed” the Top 50 Players of All Time and has him at #12 (although they did it prior to the Finals).

And, yeah, it’s 6:00 on a Friday so I’m gonna go ahead and consider this collection of nothing an actual post. Meanwhile, look, a photo from @lowposts with the caption: “Well now you’re just bein’ an asshole, Michael.”

Yes, I know, digging all this up proves that I’m quite the investigative journalist. Bring on the Pulitzer.

UPDATE: Can’t believe I forgot these three photos of the Waltons. And just for fun, here’s Kobe vs. MJ in the 1998 All-Star Game.

Unfathomably, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar has become the most underrated player of all time. Among people born before 1975, he often tops the list of best players to ever lace em up. But as they do with Dr. J, many people under the age of 35 tend to see Kareem as an after-thought in the greatest of all time discussion and even stretch reality far enough to consider guys like Hakeem and Shaq yo be his superiors. Some people even regard him as the NBA version of Nolan Ryan — a guy who was really, really good at one thing and broke a bunch of records because he played forever.

Hopefully, most everyone reading this regards such opinions as the utter nonsense that they are. Kareem is at worst one notch behind Michael and Wilt along with other second-tier guys like Larry, Magic and Russell. The videos at the end of this post help show two of the reasons why. And kudos to both ESPN and JA Adande for putting together “Secrets of the Skyhook,” a must-view multimedia feature that includes a fantastic article, two great videos and several historical photos.

As a sports blogger, I guess I am for some reason not supposed to like ESPN all that much. Well, I certainly take issue with the direction that some programs on the Worldwide Leader have opted to take in the past few years, but, obviously, ESPN provides more amazing sports coverage in any given six months than the whole sports blogosphere has in its entire history. The collection of knowledge the network has amassed is staggering. To think that a Top 10 player of all-time like Magic Johnson qualifies as a throwaway talking head for the network is astounding. Every week, a truly great segment, article, production or creative endeavor of some other sort emerges from Bristol.

Maybe it’s just that the world has gotten accustomed to the great coverage ESPN (often) provides? Those of us who write about sports on the internet tend to be around the age where we don’t even know a world without ESPN. Hell, I read the NBA Daily Dime and TrueHoop almost every day but rarely even link to them because I figure you’ve already seen everything that they’re talking about. And while I enjoy Yahoo! Sports, SI.com, Deadspin and a few other “mainstream” sports sites, the idea that any of them have ever even come close to providing the same depth or breadth of coverage that the Mickey Mouse sports empire does is laughable.

Which, in a way, brings us back to Kareem.

In the videos below, Murdock from Airplane! and Jermaine O’Neal both suggest that one of the reasons the skyhook has gone the way of the telegraph is because it’s just not viewed as cool. It’s not “sexy” to emulate the skinny, bald dude with the goggles, they say. As a fan, it’s really not even cool to like Kareem. Not only did he gain a reputation as unlikable, but if you’re a Laker fan or just a hoopss head discussing the best players ever, it’s a lot more fun to talk about Magic. He has an unprecendented personal story, not only for an NBA player but for a human being. On the court, he was unique. He was dynamic. He was peerless. He threw fancy passes. peerless. He forced basketball to evolve. And, maybe most relevantly, his highlights don’t all look exactly the same.

What are you supposed to say about Kareem? He had the most unguardable move of all time. He was the maybe the most dependable offensive weapon we’ve ever seen. He was a great passer. He was a good rebounder. And he was a much better defender than he is ever credited as being because they didn’t always record blocks during his first five years in the League and because most of his regularly televised highlights were recorded after he turned 32 years old.

All true. All boring.

Because of that, Kareem’s legacy, while impeccable, loses some luster. Similarly, even if for different reasons, the fact that today’s ESPN has fallen below what everyone wants it to be has hampered its reputation. It is cooler to poke fun and discuss the network’s bygone glory days than it is to give ESPN credit for a great piece it puts out — let alone for being the unrivaled mass creator of great sports coverage.

With enough time, such perceptions start to infect reality. If repeated enough times, things like “ESPN sucks” and “Kareem wasn’t as good as Hakeem” permeate popular opinion. Then they start to became acceptable. As the views of those who actually saw Kareem in Milwaukee become less visible in public, that reality starts to fade.

They say history is an agreed upon fable. This is as true of sports as it is of political events. Today, however, we have video, analysis and countless written accounts of every sporting event, so our future understanding of the current era should be, at least somewhat, more aligned with what actually happened. Unfortunately, the footage and the first-hand accounts and essentially everything about Kareem’s prime is much less accessible to mass audiences. So we are left with the option of either believing or not believing what others say about it anecdotally for the most part. As a larger percentage of our cynical youth chooses the latter, popular opinion is reshaped. The truth is lost. History is re-written.

The solution to ensure accuracy and maintain a truer understanding of the Association’s past is accumulating more information and providing better access to it. That’s why we need more video of young Kareem playing basketball. That’s why we need aggregated written accounts of the past. That’s why we need the game’s legends to share first-hand accounts from their careers. That’s why we need the NBA to unearth all of its old footage and make it avaiable.

And, yes, despite what may be popular to say, that’s why we need ESPN distribute it to us.

Part I – The Skyhook

Part II – Unbreakable Record

Meanwhie, I really wanna see them do Reggie’s back-to-back threes in Madison Square Garden next. I think that might be the only one from a road game that would work. I mean, look at the crowd in this photo. And that’s not just the Pacer fan in me talking. Seriously, who doesn’t wanna see a bunch of d-bag New Yorkers who spent $1,500 on courtside seats just to have their hearts ripped out suddenly materialize out of thin air?

Unfortunately, with the Suns all but eliminated from the Western Conference Playoffs (four games behind the Mavs in the loss column with eight to play), I have a feeling big fella might not even post.

Then again, this is pretty weak stuff from the Cavs and Shaq probably needs something to devote his attention to instead of basketball nowadays. And I think I speak for everyone when I say I hope he does this.

But as we can see here, Dwight Howard will most likely be dancing it up someday in New York, Chicago or Los Angeles after his title-less stint in Disney World is over, explaining via R&B karaoke what it would have taken DeVos to retain Superman in a Magic jersey. (via NESW Sports)

(Photo by Barry Gossage/NBAE via Getty Images)

]]> http://www.bothteamsplayedhard.net/2009/03/24/all-the-news-fit-to-six-march-24-2009/feed/ 0 http://www.bothteamsplayedhard.net/2009/03/23/shaq-to-king-king-me/ http://www.bothteamsplayedhard.net/2009/03/23/shaq-to-king-king-me/#comments Mon, 23 Mar 2009 21:21:28 +0000 Jared Wade http://www.bothteamsplayedhard.net/?p=3547 Looks like Big Bad Baby Diesel is playing the trump card in response to LeBron’s shutterbug routine. But as the benevolent NBA emperor that he is, he’s calling for a plebiscite to call the winner of the contest for best overly choreographed pre-game routine starring bench players most people in America have never heard of. (via FanHouse)

“Everybody always talks about LeBron’s weak intro, so I challenge LeBron to intros,” O’Neal said. “Alright? So he does his little camera thing, we did our bowling thing, we’ll let the people decide. If he changes his intro, then I’m going to change my intro.”

Your move, James.

And just because I wasn’t posting during All-Star Weekend, below that is the video of Shaq putting it through Superman’s legs, which I’m pretty sure was the best All-Star Game play I’ve seen since Magic hit that post-HIV fadaway three to end the 1992 game with time still remaining on the clock.

The first features a remixed clip of Shaq who apparently was carried onto the court by the Suns’ scrub players last night. The TNT interns apparently thought it would be funny to put Chuckster’s head in front of Shaq and wait for Kenny to make “He’s fat” jokes. Unsuprisingly, it was a little funnier than it should have been. More importantly, we have Webber busting out his Tony Parker impression repeatedly, which is easily my favorite culturally insensitive but widely-embraced-regardless development of this NBA season

And here’s CWebb, Glove and Kenny throwing out some old school/new school NBA duos with somewhat similar games and deciding who is better. Predictably, the old-timers get unwarranted props. I mean, Tom Chambers was sorta sick wit it and all, but you’re really taking him over Dirk, GP? Although just as inexplicably, he takes Nate Robinson over Muggsy, who could flat out play D.

Someone mentioned the other day how it was weird that The Glove tends to be so dismissive of defense in his analysis when that is the exact thing that made him a Top 10 point guard of all time and a first-ballot Hall of Famer.

But since Gary Payton also tends to be fucking awesome constantly, it’s not really gonna sway my opinion. It’s sorta, how you say, like antlers on a hot chick. Whatever.

And just because some of you theoretically come here to find out information about what is actually going on in the NBA, here’s their takes on the Spurs this season. Boring.

(Photo by Barry Gossage/NBAE via Getty Images)

“Hands down, he’s the biggest video fiend we’ve ever had,” said Chris Bodaken, the Lakers’ director of video services. “I didn’t know if it was possible to be more competitive than Magic was, but I think he might be. It carries over into his preparation, and this is part of that.”

It’s worth a full read if you find this stuff interesting.

Furthermore, Kobe is now also an internationally certified dick. Though he has many global peers in entertainment, politics and industry, he is thus far the only NBA player to warrant his own entry on Dickipedia, “a wiki of dicks.”

Kobe Bean Bryant (born August 23, 1978) is a shooting guard for the Los Angeles Lakers of the National Basketball Association, a “rapper,” a “raper,” a husband, a father, and a dick.

Yes, his middle name is Bean. Also, if you were thinking that Bryant’s unique first name was a result of his parents’ diverse, multicultural interests, you would be incorrect. He is named after meat.

Also:

Prior to this point, Bryant had successfully pissed off his coach, his teammates, his wife, and many fans, making it a seemingly inopportune moment to make demands. Inopportune, perhaps, for a person who is not a dick.

Before the 2004-2005 season, the Lakers traded Shaquille O’Neal to the Miami Heat. Rumors circulated that Bryant had insisted that he would no longer play with O’Neal, forcing the Lakers to choose between the two players.

In 2005-2006, Shaquille O’Neal led the Heat to the team’s first NBA Championship. The Lakers lost in the first round of the playoffs, creating a poetry that was altogether significantly more enjoyable than either of their rap albums.

In May and June of 2007, Bryant made another series of demands in the press that the Lakers trade him to a contender. Apparently, Bryant was upset at the team’s inability to find a dominant player to play alongside him. Shaquille O’Neal had no comment.

Unfortunately for people who wished they could watch Bryant eat his words, Bryant had a phenomenal season earning the MVP award. This led up to an NBA finals with the Boston Celtics and Kevin Garnett that was billed as the second coming of Bird vs. Johnson. The series lived up to that billing in every respect except for excitement, intensity, general classiness, epicness, quality of basketball, and overall significance.

But rather than excerpt the thing in its entirety, I demand you go read it. The 50 Cent line is probably my favorite.

UPDATE: Babies agree. (from Blazer’s Edge via TrueHoop)

UPDATE: So does GQ, although they classify Mamba as a “Prick,” which is merely one subset of their larger “Taxonomy of Jerks.”

Add this to his GINOOOOBLI-like Rondooooooooooo calls (below), his refusal to look at the camera and just the general back-and-forth he has with Gary Payton, and it’s safe to say that we should all be thankful to have more C-Webb in our lives. In fact, all of NBA TV has been great this year with Eric Snow and Steve Smith both also coming on strong. Even Ahmad was unusually not horrible the other night when they interviewed Shaq, the show’s best guest since Danny Granger, who, in response to GP’s question of whether he should call Marquis Daniels “Robin” since Danny is the Pacers’ Batman, said “You can call him whatever you want. I call him Lil’ Wayne.”

But I digress.

The real news is that Diesel wasn’t happy he was being imitated and has indeed set up an actual Twitter account to set the record straight. (Hat tip to PhoenixSunsGirl and Alana G.)

“Somebody out there was trying to use my language and trying to speak for me,” O’Neal, sounding more amused than offended, said Wednesday night in a telephone interview. “Rather than have that happen, I thought I’d do it myself.”

O’Neal added: “It’s a fun thing. It’s a way for fans to connect.”

He now goes by THE_REAL_SHAQ and his tweets (a retarded word synonymous to “updates”) have included the grandeur that is:

Why is steve francis sittn on the houston rocket bench Thingsdat make u go ummmm

On my way to practice, running late and i got stop by the cops, aaaaaaaggh

Stuart scott from espn said greg oden looks 42 , lol dats funny

I just texted gary payton, one of the greatest point guards ever

So u wear a cape and win a dunk contest and they call u superman So

This is straight from the shaqs mouth I love phil jackson Kobe bryant is the best palyer in the game And the shaq kobe, kobe shaq was the best one two

Good morning everyone. Let me give you all a hint on how to relate to me, Shaquille O’neal I have a sense of humor I am very quotatious I am super intell

Okay. That’s more than enough.

Thus far — pretty weak. But we’ll continue to monitor this jumpoff for ya and relay anything that proves to be truly quotatious.

In other news, click the ensuing link to follow the always-riveting Both Teams Played Hard Twitter.

THE_REAL_SHAQ

Here’s the first.

He goes through three t-shirts during any given practice but not even he can compete with the likes of the Oklahoma center.

I mean, your own sweat is pretty gross. But everyone elses sweat is nasty. And Collison … hes just gross.

Along with himself and Collison, Frye also places Shaq, Zach Randolph, Malik Rose and teammate Greg Oden to round out the 1st-Team All-NBA of slippery filth.

Gross.

“When you understand the laws of physics like I do, the laws of physics state that a body in motion stays in motion,” Shaq said. “So when you have two objects that meet in the air, the smaller object is gonna fall much harder at the same rate of speed. I’ve never been the type of player to take anybody out. I was going for the ball, little guy ran into a brick wall, and you know, he fell, and he added a little bit to the end. The referees looked at how he fell I think. But it’s nothing I’m worried about, I’ve never been that type of player. If you understand physics like that, anytime you come in there out of control like that and you run into a brick wall, you’re going to get that effect.”

“I know I was going for the ball. I’ve played 17 years, I’m not a dirty player. I don’t get dunked on. Little guy tried to come in my house, I wanted to block the shot, and he fell. If you apply the laws of physics, you know why he fell the way he fell. Period.”

Period.

(AP Photo/Bill Haber)

Matt Barnes kicks things off with a nice forearm shiver on Rafer when he tries to set a pick — something to which Skip to My Lou takes exception. Then, as those two get in each others’ grills and a crowd begins to form, in flies little Stevie Nash, who is immediately cast aside by a healthy, two-armed TMac shove. Rafer grabs onto a fallen Nash, but just as that’s happening, Shaq says “Alright, you little fuckers,” and discards both Tracy and Yao to the canvass before pushing about six dudes across the entire court in a single, easy motion. Old boy is no joke.

There was no real damage aside from a sizable gash on Nash’s already pocked-up neck, ejections for Rafer and Barnes, and a couple of techs.

Essentially, good times all around.