Tag Archives: Sarah Palin

The NBA Logo Ranking Project:
#28 – Dallas Mavericks

You’re not what Sarah Palin was talking about. You take on nothing in an aggressive, against-the-grain way. You’re a cross between the white horse that a hero in an old Western movie would ride in on and a poor artist’s rendering of No Heart from the Care Bears. Perhaps you were supposed to be a new-aged Two Face to bridge the gap between Tommy Lee Jones’ interpretation and the gem that Aaron Eckhart put together

Whatever the concept behind your “Black and White” tribute to Michael Jackson, nothing can explain the giant blue conch that you’re listening into. This isn’t Lord of the Flies and you’re not fair-haired Ralph. You’re more like an emo version of Piggy, whose weight has gotten so out of control that it’s starting to test the sturdiness of the block letters below you. They’re bending. You’re weighing them down.

But you don’t care because nobody understands you.

You are Emo Horse.

You sit in your room with your skinny jeans and your ironically conforming black t-shirt. You listen to every Morrissey and Hawthorne Heights album that has ever been burned to disc but nothing stops the pain. You paint your nails black to be unique but when you walk into any mall in America and see dozens of tragic teenagers with the same Clinique black polish above their cuticles, you find yourself wanting to call them posers because only you know true pain.

Dad doesn’t understand you. Is it because you don’t dig Bob Seger or know the difference between a middle relief pitcher and a pain reliever? No. You want to know why he doesn’t understand you? BECAUSE YOU WEAR GUYLINER, YOU FREAK. Snap out of this emo phase of your life, grow a pair and realize that your upper-middle class existence isn’t so bad.

You’re a hideous logo, but that doesn’t mean you have to possess greasy hair swept across your forehead. Pick your head up and quit relishing in your own sorrow. You would embarrass Derek Harper, Rolando Blackman and the old Mavericks “M” that used to sport a cowboy hat.

Zach Harper writes on the NBA for TalkHoops, Hardwood Paroxysm and Cowbell Kingdom. He also can be heard on The Weekly Fix podcast as well as The 8th Seed podcast. You may also know him from such BTPH collaborations as Talking Hoops with TalkHoops and that one epic White Men Can’t Jump quotathon. In his spare time, he occasionally takes a nap.

mavericks logo

Emo Horse can’t wait to move out of his parents house and leave the country for Berlin, where, when this all gets sorted out, he and Dirk can get an apartment together.

KG, TMac Probably Not Voting for McCain

Unless The Big Ticket and Tracy consider a 72-year-old, white, Republican male to represent the “change” that each of their election day shoes are calling for, I don’t foresee either of them voting for McCain/Palin.

And while that’s all well and good, riddle me this, multi-millionaires: Has Obama ever changed breakbeats for Rakim? Didn’t think so.

(Hat tip to Hard For the Yard for the photo montage work)

Sarah Palin Lies; Isn’t Clutch

Renowned for its investigative journalism into girls’ high school basketball in Alaska, The Canadian Press has uncovered a blatant lie in Governor Sarah Palin’s (R-AK) alleged biography. (via Dime)

Team Palin has long held that she was critical to helping her squad win the state title, as she calmly, cooly and collectedly stepped to the line in the closing seconds and iced the game with a pair of free-throws. New revelations, however, show that she actually missed the back end of the one-and-one.

Palin’s biography omits her missed shot and neglects to mention that the game was never really in doubt after halftime.

Equally troubling is that, if you take this other quote from the article completely out of context, she not only lied about hitting both shots, she sorta almost implies that she’s proud of having misled the American public about her clutchness.

“I’ve said this before, that everything I ever needed to know I learned on the basketball team,” [Palin] said.

In the end, sure, her team still won 58-53, but none of that changes the fact that (A) she only managed to score one single point in an entire girls’ basketball game, (B) that aint change; that’s more of the same, and (C) Sarah Barracuda is full of shit. Moose shit.