I just might hafta change the running title of the Weezy updates.
Because, much like dude did in his Superman cape at the Dunk Contest, Dwight Howard is elevating this NBA blogger game to new heights.
I had a Halloween outfit, but my teammates were like, “Don’t wear it because we lost the first game. When we win tonight you can wear the outfit.” I had a Sho’nuff outfit from The Last Dragon. I had the wig, the mustache, the sunglasses. I had it specially made to fit me. For those who don’t know, Sho’nuff was the villain, he was like the big tall black guy … “Who’s the man??” “Sho’nuff!” Ha. So if any of you haven’t seen The Last Dragon, you’ve GOT to go see it. This dude is like the ghetto version of Bruce Lee but he’s called Bruce Leroy and Sho’nuff was like the bad guy, like the Kareem Abdul-Jabbar of it. And then, matter of fact, the lady from the Cosbys was The Last Dragon’s girlfriend! Bill Cosby’s wife from The Cosby Show! And I was like, Wow, I did not know that was her at first!
But I didn’t get a chance to wear that costume. I had two outfits I wanted to wear on Halloween and I’m upset we had a game on Halloween because I really wanted to go out. My OTHER outfit was Tyrone Biggums. I know a lot of people watch The Chappelle Show. Tyrone Biggums was the little guy on the show with the powder lips always drinking this stuff called Red Balls. “Red Balls, they give you wings!!” If you’ve never seen Tyrone Biggums, you’ve got to get the first season of The Dave Chappelle Show. He’s on there and they were doing The Fear Factor, it was hilarious. So I had both of those outfits and I’d been planning it for like a month and a half, and I didn’t even get a chance to wear them
On the Playa from the Himalayas:
We were in Memphis, I have to tell this story … We were going to eat, me and my teammates, we were walking back on Beale Street and this one guy, he was like 5-9, 5-10 and he was built like an action figure, all ripped up and everything. And he was doing flips for money … all he was doing was running up and down the street doing flips. He’s got a bowl in the middle and everybody’s just watching him doing flips. And then, we’re walking back to the hotel, we almost get there and there was this other dude, he was calling himself the Playa from the Himalayas and he was dancing his butt off, he’s dancing, moving, I don’t know what he was doing, and he was all yelling, “I’m the Playa from the Himalayas!” He was like Jerome from Martin — “Jeromey Rome!!” — that’s who he was like! I’m like “Man, look at this dude!” I got it on film, so when DwightHoward.com gets up and running that’s gonna be one of my first videos … The man from Memphis, he’s walking the dog, doing the superman. It was crazy.
Okay, just one more before I end up posting the whole thing:
My teammate … with no neck
My teammates are cool. I love my teammates. I love ‘em. Our new vet, he’s the best. Anthony Johnson. I said last time, but we call him ‘Little Neck Johnson.’ We were in Memphis, Tennessee last week and before the game … I thought I would never see the day that I saw someone that had literally no neck. We thought Anthony Johnson had no neck, but this dude right here, oh my God! Like, if he had a mock turtleneck shirt on, it would have come up to his nose. And I’m like, Anthony Johnson ain’t got no neck, but at least he can wear mock necks. And this dude, his shoulders were at his ears. He was telling everybody. “Hey, yo, playas don’t go that way, come back this way!” And you can imagine somebody talking with their shoulders, I’m like, “Dude, relax your shoulders, man, chill out!” But he couldn’t do it, he didn’t have no neck!
He also talks about some real stuff like how it affects him when hometown fans boo and how great it was for him to take some kids to Toys R’ Us for the first time. Plus, there’s some decent anti-Skip Bayless material, which is always nice.
Just go read the whole thing.