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Major League

The Celtics vs. Major League

by Jared Wade on March 2, 2010 at 6:26 pm · 1 comment

As we found out finally and officially on Sunday, the Celtics are not that good. They’re old, injured and can’t play at a high level for 48 minutes. I know that sounds cliché and, as a graduate of the Kelly Dwyer School of “God I Hate It When Lazy Clichés Come True,” it pains me to even term it that way.

Anyway, I found a bunch of parallels between the Celtics and the Cleveland Indians from the movie Major League. The one similarity that will not come true is the Celtics actually overcoming anything to win in the end … but a lot of other things are uncanny.

Here’s a taste:

The Cleveland Indians team in Major League was a ragtag bunch put together for one sole purpose: losing. And losing bad enough so that their owner could break her lease with the city and move the team to sunny Florida. It was only once the players learned of her sinister plot that they were able to put it all together and start winning.

They needed an external wake-up call to motivate them to win.

Now, I personally don’t have much faith in this Celtics team. But if ever there was a wake-up call in this year’s NBA, it’s losing to the Nets. At home. Convincingly.

Will that be enough to help Boston hold off Father Time and magically rebuild the ligaments in KG’s knee? Probably not. I think the Celtics are a clear step behind the three legitimate contenders in the East (Cleveland, Atlanta and Orlando).

But this Celtics team, which I think at least within our little NBA internet world is now being counted out as a title contender, does bare a striking resemblance to my favorite fake baseball team.

Head over to Hardwood Paroxysm to check out the rest.

celtics_major_league_560

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The Big eQuotatious

by Jared Wade on August 28, 2009 at 1:44 pm · 0 comments

Shaq has many self-given nicknames. Normally, that’s not allowed. But since he’s Shaq, it is allowed.

My two personal favorites are probably Wilt Chamberneezy (which was self-assigned because he’s much like Wilt Chamberlain only neezy-er) and The Big Deporter (which was self-assigned because, as Bawketbawful states, both Arvydas Sabonis and Rik Smits “were outspoken about returning to their native countries after getting eliminated” by the Lakers in the 2000 Playoffs). But another one that’s pretty good is The Big Quotatious (which was self-assigned because, as it says in his Twitter bio, Diesel is “VERY QUOTATIOUS, I PERFORM RANDOM ACTS OF SHAQNESS”).

Now, after his recent Scrabble performance on the Jimmy Kimmel Show (his second great public Scrabble-playing display, it should be noted), we can probably add The Big eQuotatious to Shaq’s ever-expanding list of AKAs. (video from Ball Don’t Lie via NESW Sports)

In other Hall-of-Fame-center-on-late-night-TV news, a re-run of Bill Russell’s appearance on The Daily Show aired last night. I hadn’t seen it before, so it was new to me. And since Bill Russell might be the greatest human being alive (I mean, now that Billy Mays “Hayes” is dead), it was very enjoyable. You should watch it.

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