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Lakers

Most people have no idea what Jay-Z is saying in his near-ubiquitous song “Empire State of Mind” when he name-drops LeBron and Dwyane Wade. The exact line is:

“If Jeezy’s paying LeBron, I’m paying Dwyane Wade”

Understandably, the presumption by most is that Jay, who has a small ownership stake in the New Jersey Nets, is essentially saying that “If I can’t sign LeBron as a free agent this summer, I’ll just sign Dwyane Wade — the next best thing.”

But that’s not correct.

The chart below basically tells you what’s going on, but this guy at The Awl breaks it down for you in full, which will help ensure you aren’t like one of those people walking around singing “excuse me, while I kiss this guy” or “the girl with colitis goes by.”

The lyric in question is usually misconstrued in one of two ways. Either:

1) It’s misheard as: “If Jesus paying LeBron, I’m paying Dwyane Wade.”

Or:

2) It’s heard correctly, but taken literally, as: “If Jeezy’s paying LeBron, I’m paying Dwyane Wade.”

Here’s how the different scenarios break down:

1) “If Jesus is paying LeBron, I’m paying Dwyane Wade.” A lot of people assume that this means that there’s someone named Jesus who owns a large equity stake in an NBA franchise who is vying for LeBron James (one of the best NBA players of all time, and close friend of Jay-Z) when James hits the market as a free agent in 2010. Well, you know what they say about happens when you assume, and that’s just what you’ve done. No one named Jesus, pronounced like the son of God and not in the more commonly used Hispanic way, owns any part of any NBA team. Sorry.

2) “If Jeezy’s paying LeBron, I’m paying Dwyane Wade.” So now you might think, okay, maybe the popular rapper Young Jeezy owns a bit of an NBA team, just like Jay-Z does, and he’s saying that if Jeezy signs LeBron, Jay-Z will then settle for Dwyane Wade. Again, you could not be anymore incorrect, I’m sorry. Young Jeezy also does not have any points in an NBA franchise. It seems weird that you even thought that.

So what they hell is Jay talking about then?

Well, it actually has nothing to do with the NBA. He’s just bragging about how cheaply he can purchase cocaine, which since he doesn’t actually sell drugs anymore is just really him saying he’s kind of a big deal.

See, Jeezy made a song called “24 23 (Kobe LeBron)” in which he repeatedly said that while other drug dealers had to pay “Kobe” (meaning Bryant’s  jersey number of 24 aka $24,000 per kilo) for their wholesale coke purchases, he had now climbed the blow-slinging kingpin ladder to such a degree that he now only had to pay “LeBron” (aka $23,000 per kilo). And Jay is countering that he only pays “Dwyane Wade,” which at $3,000 a kilo means that would pretty much have to be Pablo Escobar’s son. He may as well be saying he picks up his drugs along with Tyrone Biggums at the Five O’clock Free Crack Giveaway.

ANYWAY…

The only real point here is that I just came across the chart below at Doomztastic. Which pretty much says all this same stuff a lot quicker and includes a joke or two that will likely only be funny to people who already knew all this stuff to begin with. (via I Love Charts)

And what does THAT mean?

That I just wasted a bunch of my time typing all this out. What else is new?

jay-z lebron kobe jeezy cocaine price

Sources:

via, a rising star in the chart game, doomz

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Get Out of My Way, Saturn

by Jared Wade on February 14, 2010 at 5:59 pm

Lamar Odom was the most boring person in the Valentine’s Day video I posted earlier today.

But have no fear, kiddos, Odom more than makes up for his lackluster performance there with this fantastic PowerBar commercial, which is either the best or worst TV spot of all time. Can’t decide.

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Shaq & Kobe Get a Portrait Taken at JC Penney

by Jared Wade on February 3, 2010 at 12:36 am

This photo would make more sense on Awkward Family Photos than in Sports Illustrated’s “Rare Photos of Kobe” feature. (h/t @jeskeets)

This one, this one, this one and this one are also particularly awkward/comical.

shaq kobe

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[Given the ongoing inactivity around here pertaining to anything going on in the actual season, I'm begrudgingly going to start doing a recurring "Stuff I Read" column just to keep you abreast on the NBA-related posts that are worth your time.]

phil jackson sacred hoops artest

1. Phil Jackson Buys Books for His Lakers Players

Every year around this time, the Zen Master famously gives everyone on his team a book. Perhaps it’s just to ensure they all read at least one during the year or maybe it really is to teach them savvy lessons about basketball and life. Most likely, it’s closer to how Eric Freeman puts it in his FreeDarko breakdown of this year’s reading list:

He considers the player’s personality and needs, and makes a decision based on all available factors. It’s one of the clearest reminders that he’s a coach who respects and values his players as people, not just basketball players.

Eric breaks down the significance of most of the selection, but here’s the full list of the books Phil handed out, which was originally made public by his girlfriend and daughter of the Lakers owner Jeanie Buss on her Twitter account:

Kobe Bryant – Montana 1948 by Larry Watson
Pau Gasol – 2666 by Roberto Bolano
Ron Artest - Sacred Hoops by Phil Jackson
Lamar Odom – The Right Mistake by Walter Mosley
Andrew Bynum – Six Easy Pieces by Walter Mosley
Derek Fisher – Soul on Ice by Eldridge Cleaver
Shannon Brown – Dreams from My Frather by Barack Obama
Luke Walton – The Monkey Wrench Gang by Edward Abbey
Jordan Farmar – Makes Me Wanna Holler by Nathan McCall
Josh Powell – The Souls of Black Folks by W.E.B. Du Bois
Sasha Vujacic – Reservation Blues by Sherman Slexie
Adam Morrison – Che: A Graphic Biography by Sid Jacobson and Ernie Colon
DJ Mbenga – Monster: An Autobiography of an LA Gang Member by Sanyika Shakur (aka Monster Kody)

Gotta love Phil giving Mbenga a book by a gangbanger. And the Zen Master giving Artest a book that he himself wrote? That’s just great. I once had a college philosophy professor hand out essays he wrote and published as assignments. This was like right after we finished reading Plato’s Republic and a bunch of Aristotle and Thomas Aquinas stuff. Then he’s all “now lets move on to some stuff by me for next week.” He was a notable and well-respected modern philosopher and his stuff was ultimately good and worth reading/discussing, but I just remember being “Umm … aren’t we a little pretentious and self-important.” I’m not sure what my point was here. Probably don’t have one aside from, yeah, enjoy Sacred Hoops, Ronnie, even if you think Phil is a weirdo for giving you his own book. It’s pretty good.

2. Samuel Dalembert Speaks After Returning from Haiti

In my real job, I’ve spent much of the past six years in that field reading, writing and thinking about natural disasters and disaster response. So this whole Haitian tragedy has really kicked my ass. Keenly knowing that anyone not saved withing the first 36-48 hours post-event is probably dead sucks, and realizing even before it happens that the logistical challenges of coordinating relief in a country as desolate and infrastructure-less — or anywhere, really — are going to lead to one giant, multi-organizational clusterfuck really weighs on the psyche.

On the other hand, the outpouring of humanity and caring after the even is always encouraging to see and — in a tiny, tiny way — helps. Henry Abbott of TrueHoop broke down Samuel Dalemberts’ … well … breakdown after he returned from Haiti. (Skeets has video.) For those that don’t know, Samuel is from Port-au-Prince and he, along with Dwyane and Alonzo, has been leading the impressive aid efforts being conducted by the NBA. There was also a nice, public, Bill Clinton-led fundraising effort last night in Madison Square Garden that will end up giving at least $500,000. This, of course, all pales in comparison to the Hope For Haiti efforts last night, which featured pretty much every A-list celeb who isn’t an asshole. At this point, if you still haven’t given at least $10 to relief in a country ravaged by what is truly both a natural and man-made disaster, I probably don’t want you reading this blog. (Just text “Haiti” to 90999 and $10 will go to the Red Cross and be added to your next mobile bill.)

Paul Pierce also wrote some really interesting stuff about the nature of tragedy, talking about how his life changed after he was stabbed and how things like Haiti and Katrina, while disasters he “can’t even fathom,” also provide opportunities “to grow and learn.”

After my experience, I was really appreciative of the care I received at Tufts Medical Center. Because I had minimally invasive surgery, I was able to get back on the court a month later, so I worked with them and we opened the Paul Pierce Center for Minimally Invasive Surgery and I sit on the hospital’s Board of Governors.”

You wish you didn’t have to learn that way. But it could happen to anybody. You say to yourself, “I wish I was a little more cautious.” But you don’t know. Who knows? Who knows when an earthquake is going to hit? Who knows when a tsunami’s going to hit? Who knows when something tragic might happen? Who knows?

All you can do is learn from it and do whatever you can. In Haiti’s case, please offer as much help as possible.

Some of the better stuff you’ll ever see written by a pro athlete. Just one more reason why Paul Pierce is my third or fourth favorite player in the NBA.

3. LeBron vs. Kobe On a Hundred Thousand Triliion

LeBron is the best player in the league and it’s not remotely close. And even if you for some reason don’t feel that way, the whole conversation is beyond exhausted. No one is switching sides and, honestly, who really gives a shit? They’re both amazing. That’s pretty much what Zach Harper is saying here in his HP column “Is There a Huckleberry?” which is based on Tombstone — much like most religions should be. (Shoals had another take that I actually didn’t bother to read, but it’s Shoals, so I’m guessing it’s at least decent, presuming you care to read about Kobe/LeBron — which I decidedly do not.)

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All the News Fit to Six: February 1, 2010

by Jared Wade on February 1, 2010 at 10:53 am

mamba boston loss

(Photo by Jim Rogash /Getty Images)

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All the News Fit to Six: January 25, 2010

by Jared Wade on January 25, 2010 at 1:33 am

bosh raptors lakers

(Photo by Ron Turenne/NBAE via Getty Images)

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