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Jeezy

Most people have no idea what Jay-Z is saying in his near-ubiquitous song “Empire State of Mind” when he name-drops LeBron and Dwyane Wade. The exact line is:

“If Jeezy’s paying LeBron, I’m paying Dwyane Wade”

Understandably, the presumption by most is that Jay, who has a small ownership stake in the New Jersey Nets, is essentially saying that “If I can’t sign LeBron as a free agent this summer, I’ll just sign Dwyane Wade — the next best thing.”

But that’s not correct.

The chart below basically tells you what’s going on, but this guy at The Awl breaks it down for you in full, which will help ensure you aren’t like one of those people walking around singing “excuse me, while I kiss this guy” or “the girl with colitis goes by.”

The lyric in question is usually misconstrued in one of two ways. Either:

1) It’s misheard as: “If Jesus paying LeBron, I’m paying Dwyane Wade.”

Or:

2) It’s heard correctly, but taken literally, as: “If Jeezy’s paying LeBron, I’m paying Dwyane Wade.”

Here’s how the different scenarios break down:

1) “If Jesus is paying LeBron, I’m paying Dwyane Wade.” A lot of people assume that this means that there’s someone named Jesus who owns a large equity stake in an NBA franchise who is vying for LeBron James (one of the best NBA players of all time, and close friend of Jay-Z) when James hits the market as a free agent in 2010. Well, you know what they say about happens when you assume, and that’s just what you’ve done. No one named Jesus, pronounced like the son of God and not in the more commonly used Hispanic way, owns any part of any NBA team. Sorry.

2) “If Jeezy’s paying LeBron, I’m paying Dwyane Wade.” So now you might think, okay, maybe the popular rapper Young Jeezy owns a bit of an NBA team, just like Jay-Z does, and he’s saying that if Jeezy signs LeBron, Jay-Z will then settle for Dwyane Wade. Again, you could not be anymore incorrect, I’m sorry. Young Jeezy also does not have any points in an NBA franchise. It seems weird that you even thought that.

So what they hell is Jay talking about then?

Well, it actually has nothing to do with the NBA. He’s just bragging about how cheaply he can purchase cocaine, which since he doesn’t actually sell drugs anymore is just really him saying he’s kind of a big deal.

See, Jeezy made a song called “24 23 (Kobe LeBron)” in which he repeatedly said that while other drug dealers had to pay “Kobe” (meaning Bryant’s  jersey number of 24 aka $24,000 per kilo) for their wholesale coke purchases, he had now climbed the blow-slinging kingpin ladder to such a degree that he now only had to pay “LeBron” (aka $23,000 per kilo). And Jay is countering that he only pays “Dwyane Wade,” which at $3,000 a kilo means that would pretty much have to be Pablo Escobar’s son. He may as well be saying he picks up his drugs along with Tyrone Biggums at the Five O’clock Free Crack Giveaway.

ANYWAY…

The only real point here is that I just came across the chart below at Doomztastic. Which pretty much says all this same stuff a lot quicker and includes a joke or two that will likely only be funny to people who already knew all this stuff to begin with. (via I Love Charts)

And what does THAT mean?

That I just wasted a bunch of my time typing all this out. What else is new?

jay-z lebron kobe jeezy cocaine price

Sources:

via, a rising star in the chart game, doomz

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KG Sucks at Hold Em

by Jared Wade on January 28, 2009 at 11:19 am · 0 comments

While Kevin properly raises pre-flop with AK suited and then pushes the betting after hitting top pair with a straight draw before the turn comes, the all-in move at the end was certainly not a great play considering he likely had put Jeezy on AQ. Maybe he thought he was holding KQ?

Regardless, while his nut flush was probably hard to get away from — and Garnett certainly didn’t put Jeez on a pocket pair — there were a bunch of full houses out there. Either of AQ or QJ, two likely hole-card pairings for the Snowman to be playing, would have left KG assed-out. Meanwhile, any of AA, QQ or JJ were pimp-slapping him too. Unless he thought Jeezy was rocking a KQ and was just playing the hand badly or that he had flopped a K10 straight, there really wasn’t any upside to going all any one of five of the better starting hands were sending him home.

Plus, he’s throwin out chatter about queens after the turn, pretty much confirming he’s got the ace and letting Jeez draw out. The emotive head-nod gestures and Tom Cruisesque facial expressions when the cards come out aren’t really helping either.

Ultimately, I think we can assume Jeezy got into his head with the “I got that basketball money, too” comment and made The Kid think he was just screwing around with a shitty hand cause money aint a thang.

C’mon, KG. You may as well be eating Oreos out there, bra.

Pay that Snowman his mooney.

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