Hawks

I honestly couldn’t care less who makes the All-Star team. It’s an exhibition and most people don’t even watch it. And if you legitimately deserve to make the game, you will be there eventually. But even I was taken aback when Josh Smith was overlooked as a reserve last week. He has easily been the Hawks MVP this season as they’ve cemented their status as one of the NBA’s best teams.

In light of this colossal snub, I hopped on my private jet and flew down to Atlanta to have a chat with my good friend Josh about not making it to Dallas and just the Hawks in general.

Below is the transcript of our conversation.

Jared: I can’t believe you didn’t make the All-Star team. You have played way better this season than guys like Iverson, D. Rose, Paul Pierce and even your teammate Al Horford, right?

Josh: I’m a thoroughbred nigga, I don’t fake and I don’t hate.

Jared: OK. Fine. Those are commendable traits. But, without naming names, do you think you should have made the squad?

Josh: Check my resume, nigga, my record’s impeccable. Anywhere in The A, nigga, Smoove is highly respectable.

Jared: I agree. And a lot of your hometown supporters are adamant that you are the Hawks MVP so far this year. But some other pundits are saying that your numbers simply weren’t good enough to make it to Dallas. What would you say to those analysts?

Josh: I only listen to Jeez, that other shit I don’t hear. Shit. They so far in the rear, why would I even care? I’m too busy being a player, steering niggas’ careers.

Jared: It must hurt a little bit though, no?

Josh: Believe me, pain’s a small thing to a giant.

Jared: So you don’t mind that you didn’t make it?

Josh: Shawty, I’m straaaaaaiiiiiiight.

Jared: Getting past the All-Star talk, you are still clearly playing better than you ever have before. How have you been so good this year?

Josh: 40 percent mind and 5 percent muscle. 10 struggle, 10 time and 35 percent hustle.

Jared: A lot of people have talked about how you took 87 threes last year but have only taken 3 so far this year. One local guy said you have finally “learned to play basketball, as opposed to simply running and jumping and dunking.” What have you been doing differently?

Josh: I’m just doing my job.

Jared: OK. That’s a very stoic and humble perspective to take. But your defense in particular has been great. How would describe your approach?

Josh: Wild as the Taliban.

Jared: Nice simile. It really seems like no one can get by you out there — on the perimeter or on the block.

Josh: I’m fast as lightning, bruh. Betta use ya Nikes, bruh.

Jared: I thought you repped adidas? Anyway, moving on … Let’s talk about the Hawks as a whole. The team has already swept Boston this year to take the season series 4-0. How do you feel about the rest of the season?

Josh: Big things poppin’.

Jared: For sure. But what is the franchise’s ultimate goal this year?

Josh: Set the standard in Atlanta how to get-get-get it.

Jared: I’m not really sure what that means. Are you saying you guys can be the first Atlanta team to make the Eastern Conference Finals — or be even better than that?

Josh: Who’d a thought we’d be arguably the greatest of all time, round here?

Jared: I don’t know. Probably not many people. But you shouldn’t answer a question with a question, honestly, Josh. Just something to keep in mind as you do more of these interviews in your career. Maybe if you were a little more media savvy or more well known nationally, you would have been an All-Star. Ya know, be less ornery-looking all the time. Smile for the camera after your amazing dunks. You could probably be a Shawn Kemp- or Amar’e-level star in this league if you were a little more outgoing and a little less anonymous.

Josh: Even in solitude, there aint no hotter dude.

Jared: I know, man. I’m with ya. Those of us who watch know all about you. But most people don’t see all the stuff you do on the court. Most people don’t know you’re perhaps the best defender in the league right now.

Josh: I’m officially the realest. Point blank. Peer-id.

Jared: Do you always speak exclusively in T.I. lyrics?

Josh: What’chu know about that?

Jared: Again with the question-to-answer-a-question thing. How did you become such a weirdo.

Josh: Gangsta shit heredity. Got it from my dad.

Known Associates: ATL, Fake Interviews, Hawks, Josh Smith, Rubberband Man, T.I.

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