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Darius Miles

With zero-percent chance of topping Straight Cash Homey’s take on this photo, I shall just share his caption of cleverness with you.

Jay Williams, Chicago Bulls and Quentin Richardson, Los Angeles Clippers: Q-Rich AND J-Will. This pic is V-sad.   (Found by $ugardaddy3000 in Toronto.)

In related news, I really enjoyed watching Q back with D’Antoni in New York this year. Even though he spent most of the season looking like the oldest 28-year-old on the planet while toiling away in his signature world of inconsistency and half-injuredness, he was also able to drop an out-of-nowhere, backboard-shaking dunk once in a while that each and every time made me think, “Wait…That guy can still dunk?”

In summation, I miss Darius Miles.

Quentin Richardson and Jay Williams

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Darius Miles Drinks Sprite

by Jared Wade on January 14, 2009 at 10:45 am

Not quite as emphatically embarrassing as Von Wafer the other day, but probably worse since it was on a breakaway. (via Blaze of Love)

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The Blazers Will Sue You

by Jared Wade on January 9, 2009 at 3:01 pm

Last April, the Blazers released Darius Miles. He has been sidelined for several years with a seemingly chronic knee condition and as long as he doesn’t play in 10 games this season, Portland is allowed to remove his $9 millionish salary from its salary cap both this season and next season due to a medical clause in the NBA’s collective bargaining agreement. Given the team’s young, high-potential nucleus, having an extra $9 million around to sign some quality role players would be a fantastic development.

Darius caught on with the Celtics in the summer and hoped his injury days were behind him, but when he was waived after playing (not very well) in just six preseason games, Boston cut him. Between him showing he wasn’t NBA-caliber anymore and a drug-related 10-game suspension that Darius would have to serve before he could play for any other team, it looked like Darius’ season might be over and Portland believed it was in the clear.

Alas, the Memphis Grizzlies decided to give DMiles a shot a few weeks ago. But after playing in two games, Memphis cut him.

But now, it has been revealed (something the Blazers knew all along) that even his preseason games count against the 10-game limit — a number that is now down to two. And that number becoming zero is something most non-Portland NBA execs are rooting for, so as to curtail the Blazers’ ability to further build around Brandon Roy, LaMarcus Aldridge and Greg Oden.

All in all, league executives have been rooting hard for Miles to play those 10 games after he missed two years with a knee injury that Portland and league doctors declared was career-ending.

“Someone is going to scoop him up and play him those two games now,” one Eastern Conference executive said when told the news on Wednesday night. “Portland is screwed.”

Of course, the Blazers know this.

And now, it seems the team president has gone batshit crazy, issuing the following statement yesterday.

The Portland Trail Blazers are aware that certain teams may be contemplating signing Darius Miles to a contract for the purpose of adversely impacting the Portland Trail Blazers Salary Cap and tax positions. Such conduct from a team would violate its fiduciary duty as an NBA joint venturer. In addition, persons or entities involved in such conduct may be individually liable to the Portland Trail Blazers for tortuously interfering with the Portland Trail Blazers’ contract rights and perspective economic opportunities.

Please be aware that if a team engages in such conduct, the Portland Trail Blazers will take all necessary steps to safeguard its rights, including, without limitation, litigation.’

Sensational.

UPDATE: The League has issued this statement in response: (via TrueHoop)

The NBA has received the email sent last night by Portland to all teams. Under league rules, teams are free to sign Darius Miles to a Uniform Player Contract if they wish to secure his services as a player, and any such contract would be approved by the NBA.

Whatever.

UPDATE PART DEUX: The Grizz fear not your idle threats, Portland, and have now resigned Darius — making it nearly certain he’ll end up playing those last two games. (via FanHouse)

Even better, Cavs owner Dan Gilbert (who also owns the world-renowned Fatheads) thinks that Blazers team president Larry Miller is a pretty big douchebag. He issued this statement: (via Dime)

With all due respect…although the Cleveland Cavaliers have no interest in signing Darius Miles and will not be signing Darius Miles, I find your email quite peculiar from two standpoints:

1. It’s dead wrong. I believe that all 30 NBA teams were and are fully aware of the terms and provisions of the collective bargaining agreement as to which all teams and the NBA are a party to, including the Portland Trailblazers.

2. Are legal threats through a mass email the best way to circumvent the known potential consequences that could result from the Trailblazers decisions and actions they took with respect to Darius Miles?

I fully understand the frustration you and your team’s ownership must be feeling in regards to this situation, but a preemptive threat of ‘litigation’ directed at all of your partners through a group email does not sit well with me and seems to be incongruent with the spirit of keeping a ‘fiduciary duty’ and good ‘partner-like duty’ to your ‘NBA joint venturers.’

I would think there has got to be a better tactic than this one.

In other news, Gilbert also de-friended Miller on FaceBook and revoked the Evite to his upcoming carnival-themed birthday bash. Nice work, Mr. Miller. You just cost yourself a pony ride.

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The State of NBA Nation 2008: The Atlantic

by Jared Wade on October 21, 2008 at 2:09 am

While most of the NBA blogosphere has nobly spent its time pontificating about what will occur during the upcoming hoops season, we here at Both Teams Played Hard decided to piggyback on the current political fervor and go straight to the (fake) sources for a truly inside (and made-up) look at The State of the NBA Nation.

We’ve perused our (non-existent) Rolodex and narrowed down the selections to a veritable Mount Olympus of NBA experts to lend their authority to this season preview, including players, coaches, owners, legends, announcers, fans and possibly even a mascot. Over the next two weeks several months, we’ll be sharing their (mock) e-mails to give you a completely unique perspective on all 29 NBA teams, plus those dudes in Oklahoma.

We begin with The Atlantic Division, featuring:

  • Darius Miles, new back-up forward of the Celtics
  • Brook Lopez, rookie center of the Nets
  • Walt “Clyde” Frazier, color commentator for the Knicks
  • Elton Brand, new starting power forward of the 76ers
  • Chris Bosh, All Star power forward of the Raptors

Take it away, (poorly impersonated) gentlemen.



——————————————————————

The State of the Boston Celtics
by Darius Miles

The CHAMPS is here.

Yeah, baby, it’s great to be in Beantown.

Not since I was starring in The Perfect Score have I seen so many hard-working folks dedicated to their craft. The message of that film — and the lesson I learned when we was making it — is that nothing comes easy in this here life. You really gotta work your tail off if you ever wanna find success.

Scarlett Johansson motivated us all on the set and kept us on point. And KG is that dude here in the Land of the Leprechaun. And did you see his new commercial? Oooh-wee. The Kid’s got some acting chops. Dude nailed it.

And that’s the message for us this year. The Little Things. Keep working. Keep going. Keep pluggin. Keep on keeping on. I mean, me and the rest of the The Big 4 know it aint gonna be easy to make it back to the top of the mountain again, but we’re committed and we’re not overlooking anybody. We know that Deeee-troit basketball is always tough. LeBron and them will be doing their thing. Flash, Matrix and now Mike BEASTley will be tough. Atlanta, Philly, DC…they’re all a problem.

But we feel like if we play our best, no one can beat us this year. Like I said, we just have to do the work. The little things. Kevin says that’s what makes the champs the champs.

And you best believe that’s just what I’ll be doing on the court once I get back from that little time-out Stern gave me for my little mysterious transgression. I just want to show all the DMiles fans — and all the haters too, LOL — that DMiles is back. I’m ready. I’ve been working hard. Me and Scalabrine have been working on the coordinated fist-bump-to-the-dome too and it’s rejuvenation time for that. Believe that. Q’s out…B’s in. What, what.

We’re all just ready for the season to start. Paul says he’s healthier than he’s been in years after the summer. My man Ray Ray is on a mission to prove he isn’t washed up — that’s really brought us together, ’cause people were saying that about me like four years ago. Kendrick is a load inside. Rajon reminds me of Z-Bo the way he be thievin’ in practice. Quick hands on that kid. Leon and the Notorious BIG Baby keep it rollin’. And you should see this Billy Sky Walker, kid. Oh my god. He’s like a young me out there the way he bangs on people. There’s really no weaknesses if we keep healthy.

All that plus DMiles equals: “Look out rest of the League.” I’m not tryna be cocky or give no one any bulletin board material or nothing. Cause that’s not the Celtic way and we do have a long road ahead. And we’re the Champs so we got the big ol’ bull’seye on our back now. It’s gonna be tough.

But we’ve got the nose to the grindstone and we are still the Champs. We might have lost Posey, but when you got the Big 3 plus D (Miles), it’s good things. Real good things.

Aint nothing that can hold me back now.

Shout out to Eddie House.



The State of the New Jersey Nets

by Brook Lopez,

The NBA is awesome. Man, it’s so cool. My brother Robin always told me it was gonna be so great, but I really didn’t know it was gonna be so awesome or so cool. It’s like a dream come true but better cause it’s a dream you didn’t even ever have cause nothing this sweet has happened while you’ve ever been sleeping. It’s like if you could dream in 3-D, I think. Did you ever see that Captain Neo thing at Disney World? Me and Robin’s parents took us there when were super little kids and I don’t really remember anything that happened as in the plot stuff but it had Michael Jackson back before he was a kiddie rapist and when he was still the King of Pop and it had all these crazy things that came out of the screen and jumped at you like “Blaaah.” If you didn’t see it you should go cause it’s really friggin’ sweet. That’s kinda what the NBA is like.

The State of the New York Knicks
by Walt “Clyde” Frazier

The moves and grooves to shake-up the make up of the New York Knickerbockers this summer were exhilarating and stimulating for Big Apple fanatics. The hiring and firing commenced when master harasser Isiah Thomas was terminated in order to orchestrate a change of regime and a change of scene for long-time Pacer General Manager Donnie Walsh. But that wasn’t the only aggressively impressive transition via addition.

Jim Dolan went strolling across the pond to the nation known for tailoring a fine suit and looking like a boot to draft the versatile Italian kid with style, Danilo Gallinari. Then he headed to the desert to find the mustachioed connoisseur of pistachios, Mike D’Antoni. In Italy, they called Danilo The Rooster and, in Phoenix, D’antoni was an offensive booster, so we should be in for a three-point barrage from the Garden entourage all season long.

Cats like Nate the Great, Jamal and Q are guaranteed to thrive and jive in the new system, but we know a guy like Eddy Curry, who I’ve personally witnessed piss liquid butter and kiss fluffernutter, is gonna struggle to juggle the fast pace. And who knows if Steph can be stay in step with the new crew or if the New York faithful will just show up to boo?

Inevitably and regrettably, the season is all gonna hinge on whether the fox in the box gets Sam I Am to eat green eggs and ham here or there, but as an objective and elective journalist I can neither presuppose or now compose the answer to such an always-timeless, never-rhymeless inquisition.



The State of the Philadelphia 76ers

by Elton Brand

You guys might have heard about my summer. Some things got blown out of proportion and the media really ran with all that he-said, she-said stuff out in Los Angeles, but that’s all in the past now. I’m in Philadelphia. And I’m proud to be a Sixer. The only other thing I have to say about the whole situation is to wish all the players, the assistant coaches, the trainers and the waterboys the best of luck. That franchise is lucky to have those people courtside. They have the chance to be a good team if they can overcome their one weakness.

Who else is going to be a good team is the Philadelphia 76ers. I was thrilled to get the opportunity to come to a team that has so many young, athletic guys. They were already successful last year and you could really see why when they all came together after the All Star Break. I just want to jump in and fit in and help us be even better.

Igoudala is one of the most athletic guys in the League. Thaddeus Young and Louis Williams are both beasts. There’s no limit to how far we can go if those guys can continue to improve. Iggy’s almost an All Star already and he’s still getting better everyday. But the real key to the whole team last year, I thought, was Andre Miller. He’s been so great in this League for so long and never gotten his due. He’s had like 14 ppg and 8 apg like five times and never even been an All Star. That’s crazy. He’s maybe the most underrated player in the whole League.

Half of what makes him so good is that he doesn’t care about the stats and All Star Games and all that. I’ve known him forever and he’s just a really laid-back, professional guy. That’s one of the things that really made me wanna come here. Trying to be the one vet on a team of young kids is tough, but with me, him, Reggie Evans, Theo Ratliff and Donyell, we have a bunch of guys to show the younger guys what the Playoffs are like and teach them how to win.

I mean, these guys almost beat Detroit last year and a kid like Thaddeus was a 19-year-old playing 25 mpg and averaging like 10 ppg and 5 rebounds. That may not sound like a lot, but just from seeing him in camp I’ll guarantee he’s going to put up some 30/10 games this year. Just watch. You already know about Andre and Sam. And now that we can run the offense through me a little more, it’s going to allow them to focus on defense. That’s Sam’s forte already, but Iggy can lock it down too. Now that he doesn’t need to take 20 shots every night, it’s going to be bad news for the guys he’s guarding.

All in all, I couldn’t be more excited to be back in the Eastern Conference and — more importantly — in Philadelphia. The East is wide open outside of Boston and we all feel like we have a definite shot at the Finals.

The State of the Toronto Raptors
by Chris Bosh

Attention, attention, attention.

This is Chris Bosh and I’m offering you an Opening Day special, a Halloween special and pre-Thanksgiving special look at the 2008-09 Toronto Raptors. LMAO!!1!!

Seriously though, I couldn’t be more ready for this season to start. All me and Jermaine have been doing is counting down the days. We’re hungry. Last year we made the Playoffs and although it was a tough series with the Magic, I got the feeling that a few of the guys here were just happy to be there. I don’t fault them for that — I felt the same way the first time I was there — but there’s a feeling in camp this year that things are different. This year things are serious.

A lot of that should be credited to JO. He’s a pro’s pro and he’s already taught me a lot. People have always compared us, I guess, since we’re the same size and have similar all-around 20/10 games to show, and both take a lot of jumpers. We’ve of course been melding on the court and getting our Twin Towers on, but guess what NBA? Blane Harrington’s got a new friend too. You won’t see the YouTube until the All Star game, but I’ll give you a four-word hint: “Theodore Von Excalibur VII.”

And, oh yeah, even though none of em can act, Jose, that Andrea chick and a bunch of these other European dudes are really good too. I think we have a good shot at the Finals if we get by Boston.

Yup, it’s gonna be a good year.

Yee-Haw!!!!!!!
CB4

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Deep Background on Montagate

by Jared Wade on October 15, 2008 at 4:31 pm

I’ve been meaning to post on how absurd it was to suspend Monta Ellis for thirty games since last week. This suspension, of course, isn’t even really a suspension, yet a $3 million fine, as Monta will be rehabbing well into the New Year and not suiting up for at least that long anyway.

Yes, he technically breached his contract by riding a moped and then lied to the team after he fell off said moped and wrecked his ankle, but did such foolishness really warrant pissing off and potentially alienating the 23-year-old tweener you just made the face of Warrior nation when you gave him a $66 million contract this summer?

I’m sure Monta knows what he did was wrong. And there certainly should have been some recourse against the kid for his actions and the fibbing…but wouldn’t have ten games (by my math, a $1 million fine) been enough?

Whether or not Monta and his agent will appeal the suspension remains up in the air (via Slam) but, regardless of if he does or does not file a grievance, I don’t think it’s a lofty assumption that Monta is in no way happy about losing $3 million. I suppose it is sort of a sad statement about the state of the NBA to assume he may be immature enough to own up to actions and take the fine like a man…but does anyone really think that’s his state of mind right now?

Ultimately, $3 million is a small percentage of the $66 million he has coming to him, so let’s hope he takes the noble route and rehabs just as hard as he would otherwise. But considering how minor that figure is to a billionaire team owner, it seems like an awfully bold — and foolhardy — move to hope he doesn’t just Tim Thomas his way through the next half-decade. (Usage Note: Throughout most of its history in English, “Tim Thomas” was used only as a noun, describing the given name of a 20th Century NBA basketball player. Around the 2001-02 NBA season, it began to be used in hoops articles and NBA blogs as a verb, meaning “to phone in an entire NBA contract and ostensibly decide that you care much more about being a filthy rich, twenty-something millionaire than any sort of legacy you might have as a professional athlete” as in Looks like Tim Thomas pulled another fast one when he Tim Thomased it again in Los Angeles. This poetic, verb usage has since become so well entrenched generally that many people have come to consider it as the only correct use.)

Maybe six-year guaranteed contracts are a problem in the League and should be addressed in the next CBA if guys can’t be counted on to man up and play through them regardless of circumstances (and, by the way, I’m not insinuating Monta is any more apt to behave this way than anyone else his age/income bracket in this League would). But until that happens, G-State is playing a dangerous game.

To me, all that just seemed to make logical sense — especially when you factor in the corrosive possibilities the whole thing could have on other team members and presumed friends like, say, Stephen Jackson, who we know “rides together.”

But now, as El Duderino would say, new shit has come to light, man.

I suppose it’s been apparent that there were some problems brewing in Oaktown’s front office, but today’s scathing accounts from Fear the Beard and Kelly Dwyer of Ball Don’t Lie certainly make a decision that seemed a little foolish seem even more scary for Warrior fans.

Not only that, but Golden State exec Robert Rowell is coming off as the organization’s financial hatchet-man, bent on minimizing expenditures wherever possible, even if that means inexplicably vetoing a $39 million/3 year extension for Baron Davis, and letting both GM Chris Mullin and coach Don Nelson play out the final, lame-duck year of their contracts without even attempting to negotiate an extension. (There are rumors that he’s also personally negotiating an extension with an agent-less Stephen Jackson without the blessings of anyone else in the front office).

This is how Fear the Beard sums it up:

Are you starting to feel like this dude just really doesn’t give a shit? I am. Or maybe competent coaches, thoughtful and capable front office personnel and happy superstar guards grow on trees where he lives in Candyland.

And this is his final message to Rowell:

Mr. Robert Rowell, you clearly seem intent on taking as much liberty with the goodwill generated by the Warriors teams of the past few years as you like in the service of goals that seem more like those of a petty tyrant than those of a basketball visionary. … Try to stick to the marketing stuff. I personally don’t care much for your tendencies in that department either, but at least pizza-delivery dudes get off of the floor when the game starts. Now, we are starting to feel your influence on the hardwood after the horn sounds, and I’m not much enjoying the feeling. And seriously bro, no matter who you put in a damn rubber suit to shoot t-shirts at me next year, for the good of the fans whose interest you allegedly represent, you had better start leaving the basketball decisions to the people who actually understand them. Some of us are actually there to watch the game.

On the subject of Montagate, he also includes some telling quotes from a Q&A Rowell did with a local reporter that I can’t imagine will be particularly refreshing to Monta Ellis and his $3-million-lighter bank account:

TK: Is voiding the contract now out of the question in the future?

ROWELL: Our expectation is that Monta fully recovers, he’s back on the floor and he has a prosperous career as a Golden State Warrior. That’s our goal and that’s what our focus is.

TK: But if he doesn’t fully recover, you can take further actions?
ROWELL: I think that that is something that we obviously have our rights reserved but other than that, that’s something that really isn’t an issue at this moment. We feel that it’s an injury he’s going to fully recover from.

TK: So you’ve retained the ability to suspend him again?

ROWELL: Those are questions that I don’t have answers too today.

TK: If he comes back in a lesser version of himself can you take another bite out of contract?

ROWELL: That’s something that we’ll review at that time but again our position right now is that that’s not what our goals and objectives are here.

For more-informed and better takes on all the rumors and innuendos flying around about the Dubs front office infighting, check Dwyer and Fear the Beard (who has a great Easter egg at the end for ya).

The only other thing I have to add is historical perspective. Because I’m a Pacers fan, and even I said “Holy Shit” when I heard Monta got 30 games. Again, it’s breach of contract as opposed to on-court fighting or off-court drug/jailhouse shenanigans, so I understand the legal underpinnings of the whole thing, but it’s just hard to believe falling off a scooter and then fibbing to your boss about how you hurt your ankle is twice as bad as Jermaine O’Neal cold-cocking a chubby Detroit Piston fan in the face.

The following are the only other double-digit suspensions in NBA history that I could find. (I’m sure there are some 80s drug ones, among others, that I missed; let me know of any others.)

Lifetime ban – Jack Molinas, Fort Wayne Pistons
1953 – Molinas was barred for life by the NBA soon after he arrived there for gambling on his own team while playing for Columbia University.

Lifetime ban – Michael Ray Richardson, New Jersey Nets
1986 – Richardson, who had publicly struggled with a drug problem for years and got numerous suspensions, eventually got banned for life by young Commissioner David Stern.

3 years – Roy Tarpley, Dallas Mavericks
October 6, 1991 – Tarpley’s “lifetime ban” for violating the league’s drug abuse policy (it was alcohol, no?) was overruled on September 30, 1994, when he was reinstated.

2 years – Chris Anderson, New Orleans Hornets
January 25, 2006 – The Birdman was grounded (sorry about that) for a little over two-years (reinstated March 5, 2008) for failing a drug-test (allegedly coke) and doing this.

73 games – Ron Artest, Indiana Pacers
November 21, 2004 – Malice at the Palace. The suspension was actually the rest of the season, not a specific number of games.

68 games – Latrell Sprewell, Golden State Warriors
December 3, 1997 – Spree was originally suspended for a year two days after choking out PJ Carlesimo, but he ended up only serving out the remainder of the season and suiting up for the Knicks the following year.

30 games – Stephen Jackson, Indiana Pacers
November 21, 2004 – Malice at the Palace.

26 games – Kermit Washington, Los Angeles Lakers
December 9, 1977 – Kermit shattered Rudy Tomjanovich’s face with a sucker punch during an on-court fracas.

15 games – Carmelo Anthony, Denver Nuggets
December 18, 2005 – MSG fight where Melo punched Mardy Collins of the Knicks and then backpedalled across the court.

15 games – Jermaine O’Neal, Indiana Pacers
November 21, 2004 – Malice at the Palace. JO originally got 25 games, but it was dropped to 15 on appeal.

11 games – Dennis Rodman, Chicago Bulls
January 17, 1997 – The Worm kicked a cameraman in the junk.

10 games – Darius Miles, Boston Celtics
September 9, 2008 – Smoking weed.

10 games – J.R. Smith, Denver Nuggets
December 18, 2005 – MSG fight

10 games – Nate Robinson, New York Knicks
December 18, 2005 – MSG fight.

10 games – Lindsey Hunter, Detroit Pistons
March 7, 2007 – He tested positive for “phenermine,” an apparently banned weight-loss drug.

10 games – Vernon Maxwell
February, 8 1995 – Mad Max ran up the stairs into the stands and punched a fan.

* Connie Hawkins, while not suspended per se, also deserves mention. I honestly don’t know much about all this, but Hawkins got a bum rap throughout his career stemming from simply knowing Jack Molinas and testifying in the 1961 point-shaving scandal trial. He got kicked out of the University of Iowa and NBA commissioner J. Walter Kennedy made it be known that the Hawk was black-balled from the NBA. He was officially banned from the NBA in 1966 after several years in the ABL, with the Globetrotters and finally in the ABA. He filed a law suit against the NBA and won in 1969, after which he joined the Phoenix Suns.

* Richard Dumas was suspended multiple times over several years for drug violations but I didn’t bother looking it up.

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