I’m, like, weeks and weeks late to this party, but Cipha made a great list/time capsule of “The 75 Greatest Tunnel Bangers” and it is about as phenomenal as you could hope. For the uninitiated, The Tunnel was the legendary New York club that hosted an even legendary-er Sunday night hip hop party and the crowd was a highly discerning mix of drug dealers and other clientele who really, really went nuts for hard drums and street rap anthems.
And for anyone who was a hip hop head in the 90s, this list is great nostalgia. I never went to The Tunnel myself (only moved to NYC in 2000 and it was shut down permanently within a year), but more so than some of these songs still being great today (many still are), the visceral feeling of first hearing joints like “Simon Says,” “Ante Up,” “Wild Out” and “My Mind Right” is something that stays with you. There’s really no way to describe them other than “banger.” Most importantly, while clicking through this whole list over the past five hours was the first time I’d listened to NORE’s “Superthug” in like five years. Regrettable, I know, but at least it happened.
Predictably, the sports media burned a lot of calories talking about the fact that LeBron opted to neither shake hands with the Magic nor give a post-game press conference after the Cavs got eliminated last Saturday. I personally couldn’t give two shits so this will be the last mention of it you ever see round these parts.
Since we’re kicking off week two of March Madness tonight, it seems an apt time to mention that everyone and their moms have a bracket-styled contest in which you can witness the wonders of Web 2.0 first hand by voting on some arbitrary matchups.
Ball Don’t Lie is rocking its NBA Bedlam Tournament, which has thus far featured inspiring contests like “Spurs Beards vs. Luis Scola’s Hair,” “Baller-in-Chief [Obama] vs. Marbury’s Head Tattoo” and “Inside the NBA vs. NBA TV Gametime.” The fact that both Steph and GP/CWebb are both not only losing but getting blown out like Chattanooga just further proves my theory that I’m watching an entirely different NBA than most people who may theoretically be reading this sentence.
Zoner Sports has it’s own version of Madness going on, and this one actually includes me somehow. Their “Best Sports Blog Names Tourney” features an array of well-known sports sites like Kissing Suzy Kolber, The Sports Hernia and Mr. Irrelevent in addition to the Both Teamsters Union’s own Both Teams Played Hard. Despite the #12 seed I was given, we mounted a first-round upset over some site called “Pittsburgh Sports and Mini-Ponies” and now look poised to take down #2 seed “Five Ounces of Pain” to advance yet again. Thanks for the votes, voters. I play solely for stats not championships, so I can’t say I really care all that much about winning this thing. But for poetry’s sake, it would be kind of dope to see an Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Sheedtastic Supremacy in the Final Four, pinning me against Ball Don’t Lie. And, yes, if that does occur, I will guaranSheed victory. Vote early and vote often, Both Teamsters.
Conversely, our girl ticktock6 over at Hornet’s Hype is running the “First Annual NBA Hot Baller Tournament,” where I presume the ladies and the gays can debate beefcake matchups like Popeye Jones vs. Tyronne Hill.
I think we all know who would walk away with the Belt of Sheedtastic Supremacy.
In news sure to generate up to 36 hours of self-congratulatory boners in the Sports Guy’s Mansion, TNT has added a HORSE competition to this year’s All-Star Weekend. The players are as yet undetermined, but we do know that it can’t fail entirely since Kenny the Jet, CWebb and Ernie Johnson will all be involved.
The game will use a traditional format in which three NBA players will establish the playing order. Once a shot is made, the next player in the predetermined order will attempt the same shot. If that player misses, he is assign — look, if you don’t know how to play H-O-R-S-E, I doubt you’re reading this blog. All you really need to know is that there is no dunking allowed and ballers have just 24 seconds to create/mimic shots.
HORSE is pretty cool, but they shoulda gone with NPHRIDINGAUNICORN.
Since nothing but needless All-Star bickering is going on today and I have to post something to avoid the flaming dogshit on the porch treatment again (cut it out, mom), here’s a few videos from Inside the NBA last night.
The first features a remixed clip of Shaq who apparently was carried onto the court by the Suns’ scrub players last night. The TNT interns apparently thought it would be funny to put Chuckster’s head in front of Shaq and wait for Kenny to make “He’s fat” jokes. Unsuprisingly, it was a little funnier than it should have been. More importantly, we have Webber busting out his Tony Parker impression repeatedly, which is easily my favorite culturally insensitive but widely-embraced-regardless development of this NBA season
And here’s CWebb, Glove and Kenny throwing out some old school/new school NBA duos with somewhat similar games and deciding who is better. Predictably, the old-timers get unwarranted props. I mean, Tom Chambers was sorta sick wit it and all, but you’re really taking him over Dirk, GP? Although just as inexplicably, he takes Nate Robinson over Muggsy, who could flat out play D.
Someone mentioned the other day how it was weird that The Glove tends to be so dismissive of defense in his analysis when that is the exact thing that made him a Top 10 point guard of all time and a first-ballot Hall of Famer.
But since Gary Payton also tends to be fucking awesome constantly, it’s not really gonna sway my opinion. It’s sorta, how you say, like antlers on a hot chick. Whatever.
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