Posts tagged as:

CWebb

“Who Did Your Wife Just Bone?”

by Jared Wade on June 3, 2009 at 11:44 pm

Predictably, the sports media burned a lot of calories talking about the fact that LeBron opted to neither shake hands with the Magic nor give a post-game press conference after the Cavs got eliminated last Saturday. I personally couldn’t give two shits so this will be the last mention of it you ever see round these parts.

Complex magazine, however, did an in-response rundown of some of the sorest losers of the NBA past and it included the following phenomenal video of my boy CWebb throwing around adultery metaphors, which, like adultery itself, are always fun for the whole family. (from @N_C_B via @HarleyBlock)

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Since we’re kicking off week two of March Madness tonight, it seems an apt time to mention that everyone and their moms have a bracket-styled contest in which you can witness the wonders of Web 2.0 first hand by voting on some arbitrary matchups.

Ball Don’t Lie is rocking its NBA Bedlam Tournament, which has thus far featured inspiring contests like “Spurs Beards vs. Luis Scola’s Hair,” “Baller-in-Chief [Obama] vs. Marbury’s Head Tattoo” and “Inside the NBA vs. NBA TV Gametime.” The fact that both Steph and GP/CWebb are both not only losing but getting blown out like Chattanooga just further proves my theory that I’m watching an entirely different NBA than most people who may theoretically be reading this sentence.

Zoner Sports has it’s own version of Madness going on, and this one actually includes me somehow. Their “Best Sports Blog Names Tourney” features an array of well-known sports sites like Kissing Suzy Kolber, The Sports Hernia and Mr. Irrelevent in addition to the Both Teamsters Union’s own Both Teams Played Hard. Despite the #12 seed I was given, we mounted a first-round upset over some site called “Pittsburgh Sports and Mini-Ponies” and now look poised to take down #2 seed “Five Ounces of Pain” to advance yet again. Thanks for the votes, voters. I play solely for stats not championships, so I can’t say I really care all that much about winning this thing. But for poetry’s sake, it would be kind of dope to see an Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Sheedtastic Supremacy in the Final Four, pinning me against Ball Don’t Lie. And, yes, if that does occur, I will guaranSheed victory. Vote early and vote often, Both Teamsters.

In vagina-ier news, NBA.com has its “Dance Team Bracket,” where you can vote on which NBA franchise has the best team of future strippers dancers. (via Heels on Hardwood)

Conversely, our girl ticktock6 over at Hornet’s Hype is running the “First Annual NBA Hot Baller Tournament,” where I presume the ladies and the gays can debate beefcake matchups like Popeye Jones vs. Tyronne Hill.

rasheed-wallace-belt

I think we all know who would walk away with the Belt of Sheedtastic Supremacy.

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We’re Playing HORSE

by Jared Wade on February 3, 2009 at 5:27 pm

In news sure to generate up to 36 hours of self-congratulatory boners in the Sports Guy’s Mansion, TNT has added a HORSE competition to this year’s All-Star Weekend. The players are as yet undetermined, but we do know that it can’t fail entirely since Kenny the Jet, CWebb and Ernie Johnson will all be involved.

JE Skeets over at Ball Don’t Lie explains it best:

The game will use a traditional format in which three NBA players will establish the playing order. Once a shot is made, the next player in the predetermined order will attempt the same shot. If that player misses, he is assign — look, if you don’t know how to play H-O-R-S-E, I doubt you’re reading this blog. All you really need to know is that there is no dunking allowed and ballers have just 24 seconds to create/mimic shots.

Pretty much.

HORSE is pretty cool, but they shoulda gone with NPHRIDINGAUNICORN.

HORSE is pretty cool, but they shoulda gone with NPHRIDINGAUNICORN.

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Since nothing but needless All-Star bickering is going on today and I have to post something to avoid the flaming dogshit on the porch treatment again (cut it out, mom), here’s a few videos from Inside the NBA last night.

The first features a remixed clip of Shaq who apparently was carried onto the court by the Suns’ scrub players last night. The TNT interns apparently thought it would be funny to put Chuckster’s head in front of Shaq and wait for Kenny to make “He’s fat” jokes. Unsuprisingly, it was a little funnier than it should have been. More importantly, we have Webber busting out his Tony Parker impression repeatedly, which is easily my favorite culturally insensitive but widely-embraced-regardless development of this NBA season

And here’s CWebb, Glove and Kenny throwing out some old school/new school NBA duos with somewhat similar games and deciding who is better. Predictably, the old-timers get unwarranted props. I mean, Tom Chambers was sorta sick wit it and all, but you’re really taking him over Dirk, GP? Although just as inexplicably, he takes Nate Robinson over Muggsy, who could flat out play D.

Someone mentioned the other day how it was weird that The Glove tends to be so dismissive of defense in his analysis when that is the exact thing that made him a Top 10 point guard of all time and a first-ballot Hall of Famer.

But since Gary Payton also tends to be fucking awesome constantly, it’s not really gonna sway my opinion. It’s sorta, how you say, like antlers on a hot chick. Whatever.

And just because some of you theoretically come here to find out information about what is actually going on in the NBA, here’s their takes on the Spurs this season. Boring.

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Jalen Rose and Jimmy Walker

by Jared Wade on January 26, 2009 at 12:04 pm

Based upon the way the Lakers and Celtics utterly sonned the Spurs and Mavs yesterday, respectively, today’s article on the the best father/son NBA pairings over at The Hoop Doctors is particularly apropos.

Dr. Anklesnap gives the number one spot to Rick/Brent Barry, although I would imagine most people would give the nod to Kobe/Jellybean Bryant based on the strength of Mamba alone.

Regardless, the most interesting duo by far to me is Jalen Rose and Jimmy Walker.

Both were NCAA legends.

Both scored more than 10,000 career NBA points.

And both never met the other person.

After years of no contact, they eventually did speak on the phone a few times, but before they ever got around to making time for a face-to-face, Jimmy Walker died of lung cancer. Jalen went to the funeral, and that scene (along with a stellar account of their detached relationship) is detailed in this article:

As the service ends, and as the many who’ve come to remember two-time NBA All-Star Jimmy Walker exit the Kansas City funeral home, Jalen Rose remains seated, his head partially bowed, his emotions visibly scrambled.

He is closest to the podium, where a steady stream of family and friends — representing Walker’s 63 years of life — sang his father’s praises moments before. …

Rose, had he stood to speak, would have represented Walker’s athletic gene. Had he addressed the crowd, Rose could have bragged about how for a long time the two were the top father/son scoring duo in NCAA Division I history, or boasted about how they are the only father and son tandem to each score over 10,000 points in their NBA careers.

Rose, however, sat silent.

His bewildered state is for good reason. Unlike the nearly 100 people gathered, Rose never knew Walker. Never even met him.

So this funeral on this July afternoon represents the first time Rose and Walker have shared the same room. Yet even now in Walker’s death, Rose is unable to set eyes on the man who gave him life. Walker, his body ravaged by lung cancer, has been cremated. Rose is able to look only at a photograph of Walker perched next to an urn.

Walker, who had a very brief relationship with Jalen’s mom, first reached out to Jalen at one point during the 1992 March Madness that vaulted the entire Fab Five into iconic status. He gave him a letter. But Jalen never brought himself to read it until eight years later. And during those eight years — as throughout the rest of his NBA career — he encountered countless reminders of his slick-scoring pops who had first made his name as a Friar at Providence College in Rhode Island.

In 1997, Rose’s second year in Indiana, the Pacers drafted Austin Croshere out of Providence. Croshere had won the school’s most valuable player trophy (the Jimmy Walker MVP Award), and his presence became a steady dose of Jimmy Walker tidbits:

“You look just like your father. … You should come visit Providence, everything at the school is named after your father. … I’ve got a couple of trophies with your father’s name.”

That aforementioned letter from Walker was delivered by Detroit Free Press writer Mitch Albom, who had recently interviewed Jimmy for his upcoming book Fab Five: Basketball, Trash Talk and the American Dream — one of the best sports I’ve ever read. In addition to going into even greater detail about Jalen’s emotional struggles growing up without a father, it’s an excellently structured, written and researched book in which Albom used his great access to these five teenagers to truly encompass what it’s like to walk around a campus as a universally heralded expected-legend when you’re 18 years old.

Essentially, it’s a book-form, Bizarro World sequel to Hoop Dreams had those kids “made it.” And had there been five of them. And had they revolutionized college basketball. And defined hoops fashion. And gone to back-to-back NCAA title games (and three straight Elite Eights). And had three of them later gone on to make a combined $300 million.

So, yeah, just like Hoop Dreams.

One other interesting note about Fab Five is that Kobe’s current agent, Rob Pelinka, was also a Michigan Wolverine during the Fab Five-era and he’s featured fairly prominently throughout the book.

In sum, it’s a phenomenal piece of sports journalism. Buy it here used for $5 and don’t tell me I never did anything for you.

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Chuckster to Take a Leave of Absence from TNT

by Jared Wade on January 10, 2009 at 5:41 pm

His upcoming sabbatical is the result of his recent DUI arrest and has been reported as “a minimum of several weeks,” which is obviously horrible news for Inside the NBA fans. The only silver lining here is that a month without Sir Charles won’t be quite as difficult to take this year as it normally would be since we at least have Tuesday Fan Night over on NBA TV as a fill-in.

No word on who will fill-in for Barkley, but I bet CWebb will be involved on a few occasions — and it will at least be interesting to see how Webber and Kenny can run things without Barkley around.

Regardless, hurry back, Charles.

UPDATE: The T-Mobile campaign featuring Charles has been at least postponed and, me thinks, they may drop the Chuckster altogether. It’s their company so whatever, but I’m really perplexed as to why this whole thing is such a big deal. Aren’t outrageous and sophmoric antics half the reason why he was hired in the first place? (via FanHouse)

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