One of my favorite lines in movie history occurs in Fight Club after Tyler Durden asks [spoiler alert] Tyler Durden what historical figure he would most like to fight. “I’d fight Gandhi,” says Tyler Durden to which Tyler Durden responds “Good answer.”
That was my first thought after hearing what LeBron had to say about whom he would most like to dunk on during a Q&A in the latest issue of Maxim. (via Hooped Up)
If there was one guy on the planet you could dunk on, who would it be?
If it doesn’t have to be a basketball player, George W. Bush. I would dunk on his ass, break the rim, and shatter the glass.
The next logical step is for The Decider to show up at All-Star Weekend this year to not only be the sole judge scoring the Dunk Contest, but to also participate by trying to swat LeBron’s attempt to dunk on a 12-foot rim. We can even give Dubya a trampoline if need be. I mean, I know the brush in Midland isn’t gonna clear itself, but All-Star Weekend is right down the road in Dallas this year and I think the ranch will be ok unattended for one weekend.
Get on the phone, Mark Cuban.
Known Associates:
All-Star Weekend 2010,
Cavs,
Cubes,
Dubya,
LeBron,
Mavericks,
Photoshop
The most depressing part about this story from my perspective is that I’m posting it while watching the end of the 2006 WCF game between the Spurs and Mavericks where Dirk dropped that dunk plus the harm to propel Dallas to the victory. During the game, the Mavs blew a huge lead and looked poised to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory throughout the 4th quarter, only to mount a ferocious effort and out-will the at-the-time World Champs. (NBA TV was showing the game this afternoon to hype us up for the Spurs/Mavs game tonight.)
Since that’s clearly irrelevent to you, however, the actual story is that Mav owner and Both Teams Played Hard spokesman Mark Cuban was none too happy about his players’ effort of late, particularly in Monday’s loss to the Oklahoma City Thunder. Since I never once changed the channel away from the Flash vs. LeBron Gala of Unrelenting Brilliance that was occurring on another channel that night, I have no idea whether Cubes’ displeasure is entirely warranted. But based upon the fact that Nenad Krstic had 26 points on 10/14 shooting, I doubt I would be all smiles and butterfly kisses either.
Cuban’s thoughts: (via Slam)
“If each player can’t take the personal initiative to make every game important and play like it, I don’t see them being here next season. The ball won’t always bounce the way we want it to, but every player can control their level of effort. If it’s not important enough to them to lay it out every game the rest of the season, they won’t be back.”
“I don’t care what their contract is. I would rather turn over the roster 100 percent than subject fans to another game like last night. This team has the talent to win in the playoffs. But that’s only going to happen if all 15 guys know and execute their assignments and play every possession like it’s important.”
Even though Cuban was undoubtedly the lever man behind the horrible, horrible Jason Kidd-for-Devin Harris deal that set back this franchise about five years (and I still like JKidd), you gotta feel for this team. They made a great run to the Finals in a year when Dirk had one of the better non-LeBron/Kobe individual seasons in recent memory and immediately fell into a tailspin from which they’ve been completely unable to recover.
In fact, watching Dallas play is so “meh” that I haven’t even bothered to spend all that much time monitoring my man Brandon Bass. If anyone has any thoughts on Senor Brolic’s play of late, leave em in the comments.
But in cheerier news, this photo:
Known Associates:
Cubes,
Devin,
Dirk,
JKidd,
Mavs
(Un)official Both Teams Played Hard spokesman Mark Cuban is now branching out beyond simple branding endeavors for this here website and is trying to bestow his ad wizard wisdom to players throughout the League.
And what was the main piece of advice offered by this known fashionista?
To become a successful brand you have to do any number of thousands of different things to reach a level that leads to marketing and off court/field success.
On the flipside, all it takes is one mistake to bring it all crashing down. I have noticed a trend that is creeping through the NBA that truly disturbs me. It disturbs me because its the equivalent of burning 100 dollar bills. That is how debilitating to any hopes a player may have of making money through endorsements.
In the spirit of partnership as an NBA owner, I am asking the commissioner to extend the dress code to exclude the…
The Dreaded FroHawk
Friends don’t let friends wear the FroHawk. If you are a soon to be pro athlete and are considering hiring an agent. Just do the “FroHa Search”. If they have any clients with Fro Hawks, pick a different agent
The opinions expressed in this post are those of their author, Mark Cuban, owner of the Dallas Mavericks, and do not necessarily reflect the views of Both Teams Played Hard.
And in fact, you’re sort of dead to me for even suggesting such lunacy. Much like leprechaun lawyers, cotton candy trampolines and pinatas full of Salma Hayek, frohawks are what dreams are made of.
If you're scoring at home, frohawks are out, but airbrushed tees tucked into your jeans, cowboy hats and friendship bracelets are a-okay.
Known Associates:
Cubes,
Dirk,
Mavs,
Steve Nash
As it’s probably safe to assume in the case of all billionaires, Mark Cuban may have allegedly engaged in insider trading.
Like the Shaq ejection, the Ballersphere is treating this like Watergate or something, but according to some random dude that Henry Abbott dug up, the only likely recourse against Cubes — if he isn’t exonerated outright — will likely be that he has to pay back $1 million. Stop the presses.
So if you’re scoring at home, kiddies, the lesson here is that unfairly manipulating the capitalist system that is the foundation of this country for your own personal financial benefit is an offense roughly on par with repeatedly criticizing referees. Sounds about right.
Besides, we all know his role in the Devin Harris trading incident was much more egregious and unforgivable.
And for what it’s worth, here’s Cuban’s official statement:
“I am disappointed that the Commission chose to bring this case based upon its Enforcement staff’s win-at-any-cost ambitions. The staff’s process was result-oriented, facts be damned. The government’s claims are false and they will be proven to be so.”
"I wipe my ass with a million dollars."
Known Associates:
Cubes,
Devin,
Mavs
In order to help advance the Mission, official Both Teams Played Hard pitchman Mark Cuban has literally reached out to Steph and will certainly be casting his ballot to get the best point guard in the NBA into the game. (via Ball Don’t Lie)
About an hour before tip-off, an Internet billionaire strode across the Madison Square Garden court to shake hands with a basketball millionaire. It could be the first gesture in a marriage of convenience, an example of what happens when two dysfunctional relationships become one.
“I’m a Stephon Marbury fan,” Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban said, placing himself in a realm in which he’s quite comfortable — the fringe — but certainly not alone. Cuban and Marbury had a brief handshake and chest bump, and Marbury pitter-pattered his fingers to let Cuban know he’ll be in touch.
Chest bump? Pitter patter? Somebody needs to get me a a photo of this immediately.
Known Associates:
Cubes,
Knicks,
Mavs,
Mission: All-Starbury,
Starbury
