Posts tagged as:

Chappelle

Most people have no idea what Jay-Z is saying in his near-ubiquitous song “Empire State of Mind” when he name-drops LeBron and Dwyane Wade. The exact line is:

“If Jeezy’s paying LeBron, I’m paying Dwyane Wade”

Understandably, the presumption by most is that Jay, who has a small ownership stake in the New Jersey Nets, is essentially saying that “If I can’t sign LeBron as a free agent this summer, I’ll just sign Dwyane Wade — the next best thing.”

But that’s not correct.

The chart below basically tells you what’s going on, but this guy at The Awl breaks it down for you in full, which will help ensure you aren’t like one of those people walking around singing “excuse me, while I kiss this guy” or “the girl with colitis goes by.”

The lyric in question is usually misconstrued in one of two ways. Either:

1) It’s misheard as: “If Jesus paying LeBron, I’m paying Dwyane Wade.”

Or:

2) It’s heard correctly, but taken literally, as: “If Jeezy’s paying LeBron, I’m paying Dwyane Wade.”

Here’s how the different scenarios break down:

1) “If Jesus is paying LeBron, I’m paying Dwyane Wade.” A lot of people assume that this means that there’s someone named Jesus who owns a large equity stake in an NBA franchise who is vying for LeBron James (one of the best NBA players of all time, and close friend of Jay-Z) when James hits the market as a free agent in 2010. Well, you know what they say about happens when you assume, and that’s just what you’ve done. No one named Jesus, pronounced like the son of God and not in the more commonly used Hispanic way, owns any part of any NBA team. Sorry.

2) “If Jeezy’s paying LeBron, I’m paying Dwyane Wade.” So now you might think, okay, maybe the popular rapper Young Jeezy owns a bit of an NBA team, just like Jay-Z does, and he’s saying that if Jeezy signs LeBron, Jay-Z will then settle for Dwyane Wade. Again, you could not be anymore incorrect, I’m sorry. Young Jeezy also does not have any points in an NBA franchise. It seems weird that you even thought that.

So what they hell is Jay talking about then?

Well, it actually has nothing to do with the NBA. He’s just bragging about how cheaply he can purchase cocaine, which since he doesn’t actually sell drugs anymore is just really him saying he’s kind of a big deal.

See, Jeezy made a song called “24 23 (Kobe LeBron)” in which he repeatedly said that while other drug dealers had to pay “Kobe” (meaning Bryant’s  jersey number of 24 aka $24,000 per kilo) for their wholesale coke purchases, he had now climbed the blow-slinging kingpin ladder to such a degree that he now only had to pay “LeBron” (aka $23,000 per kilo). And Jay is countering that he only pays “Dwyane Wade,” which at $3,000 a kilo means that would pretty much have to be Pablo Escobar’s son. He may as well be saying he picks up his drugs along with Tyrone Biggums at the Five O’clock Free Crack Giveaway.

ANYWAY…

The only real point here is that I just came across the chart below at Doomztastic. Which pretty much says all this same stuff a lot quicker and includes a joke or two that will likely only be funny to people who already knew all this stuff to begin with. (via I Love Charts)

And what does THAT mean?

That I just wasted a bunch of my time typing all this out. What else is new?

jay-z lebron kobe jeezy cocaine price

Sources:

via, a rising star in the chart game, doomz

{ 2 comments }

Superman That

by Jared Wade on November 8, 2008 at 1:51 pm

I just might hafta change the running title of the Weezy updates.

Because, much like dude did in his Superman cape at the Dunk Contest, Dwight Howard is elevating this NBA blogger game to new heights.

On Halloween:

I had a Halloween outfit, but my teammates were like, “Don’t wear it because we lost the first game. When we win tonight you can wear the outfit.” I had a Sho’nuff outfit from The Last Dragon. I had the wig, the mustache, the sunglasses. I had it specially made to fit me. For those who don’t know, Sho’nuff was the villain, he was like the big tall black guy … “Who’s the man??” “Sho’nuff!” Ha. So if any of you haven’t seen The Last Dragon, you’ve GOT to go see it. This dude is like the ghetto version of Bruce Lee but he’s called Bruce Leroy and Sho’nuff was like the bad guy, like the Kareem Abdul-Jabbar of it. And then, matter of fact, the lady from the Cosbys was The Last Dragon’s girlfriend! Bill Cosby’s wife from The Cosby Show! And I was like, Wow, I did not know that was her at first!

But I didn’t get a chance to wear that costume. I had two outfits I wanted to wear on Halloween and I’m upset we had a game on Halloween because I really wanted to go out. My OTHER outfit was Tyrone Biggums. I know a lot of people watch The Chappelle Show. Tyrone Biggums was the little guy on the show with the powder lips always drinking this stuff called Red Balls. “Red Balls, they give you wings!!” If you’ve never seen Tyrone Biggums, you’ve got to get the first season of The Dave Chappelle Show. He’s on there and they were doing The Fear Factor, it was hilarious. So I had both of those outfits and I’d been planning it for like a month and a half, and I didn’t even get a chance to wear them

On the Playa from the Himalayas:

We were in Memphis, I have to tell this story … We were going to eat, me and my teammates, we were walking back on Beale Street and this one guy, he was like 5-9, 5-10 and he was built like an action figure, all ripped up and everything. And he was doing flips for money … all he was doing was running up and down the street doing flips. He’s got a bowl in the middle and everybody’s just watching him doing flips. And then, we’re walking back to the hotel, we almost get there and there was this other dude, he was calling himself the Playa from the Himalayas and he was dancing his butt off, he’s dancing, moving, I don’t know what he was doing, and he was all yelling, “I’m the Playa from the Himalayas!” He was like Jerome from Martin — “Jeromey Rome!!” — that’s who he was like! I’m like “Man, look at this dude!” I got it on film, so when DwightHoward.com gets up and running that’s gonna be one of my first videos … The man from Memphis, he’s walking the dog, doing the superman. It was crazy.

Okay, just one more before I end up posting the whole thing:

My teammate … with no neck
My teammates are cool. I love my teammates. I love ‘em. Our new vet, he’s the best. Anthony Johnson. I said last time, but we call him ‘Little Neck Johnson.’ We were in Memphis, Tennessee last week and before the game … I thought I would never see the day that I saw someone that had literally no neck. We thought Anthony Johnson had no neck, but this dude right here, oh my God! Like, if he had a mock turtleneck shirt on, it would have come up to his nose. And I’m like, Anthony Johnson ain’t got no neck, but at least he can wear mock necks. And this dude, his shoulders were at his ears. He was telling everybody. “Hey, yo, playas don’t go that way, come back this way!” And you can imagine somebody talking with their shoulders, I’m like, “Dude, relax your shoulders, man, chill out!” But he couldn’t do it, he didn’t have no neck!

He also talks about some real stuff like how it affects him when hometown fans boo and how great it was for him to take some kids to Toys R’ Us for the first time. Plus, there’s some decent anti-Skip Bayless material, which is always nice.

Just go read the whole thing.

I'll never forgive you for not letting this happen, Dwight Howard's teammates.

I will never forgive you for not letting this happen, Dwight Howard's teammates.

{ 0 comments }

Is Tony Allen Gonna Hafta Choke a Bitch?

by Jared Wade on October 25, 2008 at 1:59 pm

Kobe and Lamar want a Finals rematch with the Celtics.

Rajon just wants his RING!

Rondo will be getting his wish first, and the Celtics unveiled a little preview of the bling that the players will eventually receive during the Shamrock Foundation’s Championship Celebration Gala last night. The players will officially have the rings presented to them before Tuesday’s season opener against the Cavs, but the best part about the whole thing is that when the team did their fittings, Tony Allen had his molded to be a pinkie ring.

“You never know with TA,” said Ray Allen. “I told him that it might be pretty intense. That little pinkie will have to do some weight training to keep that thing up.”

Says Tony:

“It ain’t like I’m gonna wear it,” he said, clearly tired of the pinkie jokes. “It’ll get put up. Then if I get another, I’ll put it on my ring finger. But I won’t wear this except to banquets.”

Banquets like the Players Ball, he means. (Photos via Red’s Army; music via Bun B and the late, great Pimp C)

{ 0 comments }