And here he and Mikey Rocks are providing the music for a new spot Nike kicks spot with Amar’e Stoudemire, Chris Bosh, Desean Jackson and Ken Griffey, Jr. The best part? How short Desean looks compared to the two All-Star power forwards

Check out Chris Bosh as he gets Fresh Air from none other than Ken Griffey Jr. in this eye-popping Nike spot.

(AP Photo/Morry Gash)

I’m on record as being very pro-NBA Voltron. I really wanted to see LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh play on the same team. Not because I want them to succeed — or even care if they do — but just because I wanted to enjoy watching the moments of greatness that would be achieved by a team featuring two of the three best players in the world. Will they win a bunch of titles? It’s hard to believe they won’t take home a few based on skill alone, but I’m not even talking about that type of season-long, seven-game-series winning greatness. I just simply wanted to see several-minute-long stretches of amazing basketball being played.

My desire to see LeBron and Wade play together comes from purely selfish reasons. I love watching amazing basketball, and these two guys play it very often. Simple as that. Throw in Bosh and things could get historic at times. We might see some random, throwaway quarters and halves of basketball in December or February that rank among the best that have ever been played.

Never is this possibility more apparent than when these guys get out in the open court. LeBron on the break is the equivalent of Karl Malone times Latrell Sprewell with Shawn Kemp’s ability to finish. Dwyane is nearly as ruthless with the ball in the open court — just ask Anderson Varejao. Combine the two and the outcome can get just downright silly.

Well guess what? They are starting to run.

Looking at the data, the Heat stepped on the gas in Dallas after a series of sleepy games peppered with stagnant half court offense. Their transition rate (percentage of transition plays as part of their overall offense) over their last seven games has been above their seasonal average of 13.4 percent.

Thanks to their acceleration lately, the Heat now rank 12th in the NBA in transition rate which is still below where many think they should be. But if we believe their recent transition game is a permanent switch, then their 16.5 percent average over the past seven games would rank head and shoulders above the entire NBA; the Pacers and Bulls currently lead the league with 14.7 percent of their possessions in transition.

The writer of this piece, the excellent Tom Haberstroh, notes that as the run more, they are also improving at it. LeBron started out the season sloppy, turning the ball over too often on the break. “Maybe he was pressing in his new digs and trying to do too much for the fans,” writes Haberstroh. Perhaps. But whatever it is that made him turn the ball over a staggering 18 times in transition in Miami’s first 19 games seems to have been solved — he only has one giveaway in the open court in his last four outings.

And the players are starting to embrace the break. Look at the video below. A 2-on-1 break by LeBron and Wade after a made basket leads to an easy score.

That’s nuts.

Buckle your seat belts.

Still, no matter how bad the basketball is, all is not for naught. The occasion spurred Rob Mahoney of The Two Man Game, Hardwood Paroxysm, NYT’s Off the Dribble, NBC’s ProBasketballTalk, Voice on the Floor and probably soon the White House to create this epic video.

It’s the best thing you will find on the internet today and perhaps in your lifetime. (via Hardwood Paroxysm)

But while the whole world seems to be savoring this unanticipated opportunity to kick the big, bad, arrogant bully off his pedestal, the reality is that burying this team as a hollow contender right now is premature. Very premature.

The only thing less important than November basketball in the NBA is preseason basketball. So while we should continue to monitor Miami’s struggles, we should also remember these six reasons to not panic just yet.

1. They Haven’t Lost to a Bad Team Yet

The Heat obviously didn’t want to start off 6-4. But they have not lost to teams that are playing poorly. Their first and fourth loses came against the defending Eastern Conference champion Celtics, who are deeper than ever and look like they are going to actually try in the regular season this year. Their second loss came in New Orleans against a team that just suffered its first defeat last night. And their final loss came against Utah.

At the time, this looked like a monumental collapse by the Heat — and it was. But given that it took two three-pointers — and another jumper — from Paul Millsap in the final 12 seconds of regulation just to send the game into overtime, and considering that the Jazz have been causing a lot of other teams to “collapse” of late, this looks more like a tip of the cap for Utah than a wag of the finger for Miami.

2. They Have the Highest Scoring Margin in the NBA

Through 10 games, Miami’s average scoring differential is +9.4 ppg. They have definitely played a few cupcake teams (looking at you Minny and Jersey), but their strength of schedule as ranked by overall opponents’ winning percentage (.534) is actually the 10th hardest thus far. The 8-2 Lakers currently have the second-best scoring differential at +8.9 ppg while playing the 19th toughest schedule. (LA’s opponents are a collective .459 thus far.) The only other squads in the league that have even beaten other teams by an average of more than 5.5 ppg are New Orleans (+8.0 ppg), San Antonio (+7.78 ppg) and Orlando (+7.1 ppg). (And among those, only New Orleans has played a schedule with opponents that are over .500 collectively).

In many educated NBA circles, margin of victory is one of — if not the — best predictor of Playoff success. Part of this is the fact that very good teams regularly blow out the dregs of the Association. But it is also because good teams rarely themselves get smoked. That has so far been the case for the Heat.

Yes, the Heat lost to Boston by 8 points on opening night. But their other three loses have been by a combined 10 points (by 3 to NO, by 2 to Utah and by 5 to Boston the second time). Any loss is a bad loss, but we should probably reserve “the sky is falling” talk for those truly getting smacked around. Admittedly, the final score in both Boston games did not tell the whole story, as the Celtics thoroughly outplayed the Heat in both contests.

But importantly, even playing bad, they had chances to win both times.

3. Miami’s Preseason Was Unlike Boston’s in 2007

When Boston’s Big Three assembled like Voltron in the summer of 2007, there was a feeling of sudden, unexpected joy for Paul Pierce, Ray Allen and — especially — Kevin Garnett. They had all be languishing away their primes on mediocre-at-best squads and became caught up in a whirlwind Danny Ainge talent grab that shocked everyone. Then they met up before the season and headed off to enjoy a team-bonding preseason in Rome followed by another game in London. By all accounts, the three stars were able to kick back and dream on the upcoming season in a care-free European climate, soaking in the fact that they were now, on paper, the best team in the NBA. They also got to chill in Rome, which most people will agree is pretty relaxing.

The Heat’s assembly was almost the complete opposite.

There was no surprise. There was big unveil of The Decision, sure, but LeBron, Wade and Bosh all knew that the 2010 summer was their summer and that they very well might be playing with at least one of these two other guys. Then, after the paperwork was finalized, they faced perhaps unparalleled media coverage and scrutiny. Much of it they brought on themselves, no doubt. But it did happen, and they were never able to escape the cameras like Paul, Kevin and Ray were able to do when they flew across the pond to Italy.

Maybe most importantly, Dwyane got hurt in Miami’s first preseason game of the year. So the team never played together against NBA-level competition until the regular season began. You probably can’t find a person who thinks what happens in preseason is more meaningless than I do, but that has to matter. Rotations, offensive sets and just learning each other’s tendencies does require some time spent playing together — no matter how good the players are.

4. They Weren’t Supposed to Be Historically Good This Year

Forget what you have heard from the talking heads on TV and the new blogs that have been created solely to chart the 2010-11 Miami Heat season. When Pat Riley cleared his entire salary cap just to give nearly every dollar the league will allow him to pay in salary to three guys, it was a coup.

But it wasn’t a 2010-11 title-guaranteeing coup.

At the time, most NBA experts said “Wow. They might win three or four titles together.” Few thought they would be able to fill out the roster well enough to dominate the league and go take the title in year one. Just on talent alone, they might be able to “steal one” if the Celtics, Magic and Lakers came up with some bad injuries or just hit the skids for whatever reason. But there weren’t many who said “Dwyane, LeBron, CB4 and Chalmers? Champ-ion-ship.”

5. Mike Miller Is Injured

As noted above, depth was always going to be the Achilles’ heel of this team. One thing that actually made the case that a 2010-11 Heat title could become a reality was Pat Riley’s unexpected moves to acquire Mike Miller, Eddie House and Big Z while also retaining Udonis Haslem.

Initially, it looked like it would be LeBron, Dwyane, Bosh, Mario Chalmers, Joel Anthony, a few waaaay-past-their-prime guys willing to play for the minimum (looking at you, Juwan Howard and Jerry Stackhouse) and a roster filled out with D-League call-ups. By getting two very valuable role players in Miller and Haslem as well as LeBron’s very-shaky-but-serviceable-for-a-few-minutes-a-night former running mate from Cleveland, it started to look like this team could have an actual 7- or 8-man rotation.

Mike Miller was the guy that made it seem like the Heat could actually be a team rather than an incredible core surrounded by nothing. Without him, the team quickly reverts back to “this will be fun but I’ll start taking them seriously when I see who they can acqure next summer with the mid-level exceptions, minimum-salaries and the draft.”

6. The Struggles Are Strategic — Not Structural

Kevin Arnovitz knows a ton more about basketball than I do. Here, he poignantly breaks down three key flaws we have seen in Miami’s first 10 games: (1) an inability to stop the opponent’s second option in a half-court set on defense, (2) an inability to get easy buckets near the rim on offense, and (3) an inability to prevent points in transition.

These are major things indeed. Great teams don’t struggle with such fundamental concepts of high-caliber basketball. But they are not structural flaws based on the typical talking head rhetoric of things like “Chris Bosh is soft,” “LeBron is not an alpha dog, dawg” or “Wade and James cannot co-exist.”

Kevin’s conclusion on the nature of these strategic flaws must be remembered. “For Miami, each of these three shortcomings is imminently fixable.”

These are Xs and Os of basketball problems. And the fact that they are occurring to the degree that the are, while perhaps surprising, is not shocking. It’s a completely revamped roster featuring three of the best players on the planet trying to adjust their instincts (“it’s going to demand that Wade, James and Bosh each perform a little rewiring,” notes Arnovitz) and several guys who barely belong in the rotation of any NBA team. Yes, that includes the T-Wolves

None of this means that we will see a parade in Miami seven months from now. They very well might not win the title this year.

But this team is far from being a failure — not yet anyway.

So let’s just all calm down.

Anyway, while most things people get upset about just make me laugh (LeBron’s Yankee-hatgate perhaps being the most comical), there are some things that come up in this sports sector actually worth getting pissed off about.

This one might not even be one of ‘em, honestly, but the way that some — not most, not even many, but a very small few — Jazz fans treat Derek Fisher makes me kick a baby dolphin down the staircase. Seriously, look at these two oxygen thieves.

And it’s not just these trollops. There are others.

In case you’re wondering what all this is about, here is how I once characterized the (borderline psychotic) rationale of why some Jazz fans hate Fish:

The Jazz fans are notoriously crude and indeed booed Derek Fisher when he returned this season in a Lakers uniform. (Fisher, if you’re not up on things, played for Utah for the last few years and has a daughter fighting retinal cancer, yet flew back and forth from her treatments in New York last year during the Playoffs to play for them and would often get there minutes before tip-off and in one game famously arrived in street clothes while everyone else was already suited up only to come in and kick ass and hit a game-winning shot but decided after the season that he needed to live in a city where he could be with his daughter and she could get proper treatment so the Jazz owner let him out of his contract and he then signed with Los Angeles, which is a city that has a good hospital to deal with this disease, yet the Jazz fans for some reason felt this deserved booing when he came back to play against them rather than the raucous standing ovation he would have gotten anywhere else. Got it? Cool.)

The assertion is that this fan was yelling “Cancer!” at Fish while he was shooting free-throws. Even if this photo is a fake, there are other allegations of fans chanting “cancer” when he had the ball.

Just blood-curdling stuff.

Well, Derek Fisher has not only stayed well above all this nonsense and consistently taken the moral high ground in the face of a situation that would probably have me making an Artestian romp through the stands, but on his way to the game in Salt Lake tonight, he just made perhaps the greatest statement that any man has ever made with a piece of clothing.

Best thing since the piano-key necktie.

That’s a picture of his daughter on his tie. (h/t @stackmack)

1. Creative Artists Agency Stands at Head of 2010 Free-Agent Class

In the back on my mind, I’ve secretly been hoping that there is indeed a backroom pact made by LeBron, Flash and Chris Bosh to take less money and all sign with the same team to form a Super Franchise that would win the next six NBA tittles. It’s probably unlikely and no matter how much at least LeBron and Dwyane are guaranteed to make in endorsements, my cynicism can’t really allow me to expect two guys who could make close to $20 million per year to “settle” for closer to $10 million.

One thing — in addition to LeBron and Wade’s well-publicized friendship, the fact that all three played on the 2008 Redeem Team in Beijing and all three being signed to Nike — that does make a pie-in-the-sky Voltron-like reality still seem so possible, however, is Creative Artists Agency.

Here’s the background:

For 35 years, Creative Artists Agency has represented many of Hollywood’s top power brokers. Steven Spielberg. Tom Cruise. George Clooney. Will Smith. Tom Hanks. Brad Pitt. Julia Roberts. Nicole Kidman. Bruce Springsteen. The list goes on and on.

As you may have noticed, three of those names (Clooney, Pitt, Roberts) were among those who joined forces to enjoy the ensemble cast success of Ocean’s Eleven, Ocean’s Twelve and Ocean’s Thirteen, which combined to take in more than $1 billion in box office receipts worldwide.

I think you know where this is going:

James, Wade and Bosh, of course, are the names on the tongues of every NBA executive these days. All three will be free agents this summer, the headliners of what promises to be the deepest and most heralded free-agent class in league history. That all three are represented by the same agency only adds to the drama and intrigue. It stands to reason that CAA – an agency which wasn’t doing much sports business as recently as five years ago – will now have some influence on how the NBA’s power structure shifts for the future.

The piece goes on to discuss what happened when Tim Duncan and Grant Hill were both being repped by the same guy when they were free agents in 2000. Timmy has some interesting quotes as do several others.

2. Maybe the Dunk, Not Just the Dunk Contest, Is Losing Its Luster

Good stuff from Eric Freeman at The Baseline:

The excitement around Shannon Brown’s inclusion in the dunk contest arose from his several fantastic slams on bigger players this season, and his disappointing performance on Saturday shocked many. But the dunks that made Brown’s reputation have very little to do what happens in a dunk contest. In games, his throwdowns over and on defenders are about reorienting time and space to fit his needs. A contest dunk is about defying expectations of what can be done, but it also depends on near-limitless imagination from the dunker. To put it another way, in games, the dunking Brown is thrown into an ever-shrinking box with one small opening and told to crawl out of it. On Saturday, he had to define the dimensions of the box and throw every other competitor inside it. One task is fit for a human overcoming difficult obstacles — the other is about his transformation into godhood.

A lot of this has been said before, but he says it better than most with the conclusion essentially being: Minus trampolines, we’ve seen almost everything that can be done while dunking, and we’ve now seen it sooooo many times that it’s hard to make it exciting — both in a dunk contest and in a game.

3. Omri Casspi: The King of a Nation

Noam Schiller waxes prolific on my boy — and his Israeli compatriot — Omri Casspi.

Regardless of how Casspi’s career unravels from this point forward, he will always be the first one who made it. And all words and all the articles and all the TV pieces that have aired in the American media since that night late in June – and some of them are really really good – can’t even begin to describe the impact this has had in Israel. Kings games have become a matter of national importance – except nobody cares if they win or lose. David Thorpe’s rookie rankings are monitored on a weekly basis by every major sports website in the country. Tyreke Evans is on Casspi’s team, and is having one of the most impressive rookie seasons in recent memory, and yet if you watch a Kings game on an Israeli feed, the only thing you’ll hear the commentators saying is “WHY WON’T HE PASS?!”. Kevin Martin is public enemy number one, and this is for a country surrounded by people who want to kill us. New Casspi interviews and analysis pieces are published by the hour, and nobody is sick of it, because all they want is more and more information of how their promised son is doing in the scary outside world.

Good stuff. Go read the whole thing.

4. The Trade Value List: No. 40 to No. 1

This year’s Trade Value column from Bill Simmons. Speaks for itself. His Durant facts are particularly interesting. Not sure why he needs to continually scheme up new ways to not like Kobe though. Overall, it’s what you would expect from a Simmons NBA column and this was probably my favorite line:

The Zombies could absolutely win a title some day with Durant as their No. 1 and Westbrook as No. 3. They just need a No. 2. Not to be confused with the No. 2 that Clay Bennett took on Seattle.

It’s a must read, naturally.

5. The NBA in 3-D: Coming Soon to a Living Room Near You

The headline of this Brett Pollakoff piece pretty much explains itself. And more than likely, this stuff is probably already further along than you think.

The NBA has been recording events like the All-Star game and the Finals in 3-D since 2007, but until now, has only been able to showcase them in a movie theater setting. As with most new technologies, the obstacles to getting them to market are based in price, as well as the ability to get televisions capable of handling the broadcasts to market. Additionally, the glasses required to view the 3-D programming are expensive — currently estimated to cost around $100 per pair to produce.

Brett was able to watch a preview and was pretty impressed:

There was a demonstration of the 3-D technology at this event, where highlights from the 2009 All-Star weekend were shown on what looked like your standard HD screen of about 42 inches in size. If watching sports in HD is the equivalent of feeling like you’re viewing the proceedings through the window of a luxury suite in the arena, then seeing things in 3-D is like having a courtside seat.

They really did this just right: the 3-D isn’t at all gimmicky like what we’ve come to expect from movies, where everything possible is done to overuse the 3-D effect by having things needlessly appear to be flying out of the screen right into your face. Instead, the front of the screen is used as the beginning point for the action, and everything appears to go deeper into the television, with the depth of the experience being accented like never before. If they had players or the ball flying out at you it would detract from the actual game itself; the way they have seemed to decide to do things makes the technology the ultimate enhancement.

Let’s hope I don’t die before this happens.

(Photo by Ron Turenne/NBAE via Getty Images)

Some guys in sports, of course, are legitimately funny. Bill and Johnny toss around names like Peyton Manning and Charles Barkley as potential candidates.* I’m not sure about those guys, but I’m fairly certain that Steve Nash is hilarious. I always prefer a dry wit with some self-deprecation to a class-clown persona anyway, but Steve’s understated subtlety has always been great. (Particularly during all these spectacular commercials.) Tim Duncan supposedly has a similar sense of humor. And Yao has definitely killed me with this brand of funny in both The Year of Yao and during the epic press conference he shared with Ron Artest last month. (The truncated 1:42 in this clip really doesn’t do this press conference justice. It was like 15 minutes long in actuality and both Yao and Tru Warier were dropping comedy nuggets throughout. I’ve made several requests to my NBA press contact to get a link to the entire thing with no luck. Some day it happen, however. I’ll letcha know.)

The reason I bring this all up is because the following video where Steve serves as NBA Finals roving reporter for the Late Show with David Letterman is pretty comical. You should watch it.

* (Jacko easily has the best line of the podcast when, after Simmons asks him who might possibly be the least funny athlete of all time, he drops a “Ty Cobb?”) (video via Ball Don’t Lie)

And much like the Raptors win total this season, Bosh is dealing with some pretty low numbers. Wocka, wocka, wocka.

And here’s the muse.

BDL: Your girl heckled LeBron last year during a game and he went off for 24 points in the fourth quarter and ended up beating you guys. Do you still laugh about that with her, or have you tried to forget it ever happened?

CB: It’s kind of old news. I just put it behind me. A lot of people get mixed opinions about that. I just wish we had won the game. Then it wouldn’t be a big deal. [LeBron] really turned it on [at the end of that game]. LeBron’s one of those guys, he’s just so talented. If he feels that he has a challenge, he loves a challenge, he’ll jump right into it. Most of the time he’s going to do well.

BDL: So you’re not going to have her heckle anybody this season.

CB: That’s another story.

BDL: Is that a yes … or a no?

CB: (Smiles) There will be none of that.

Much more importantly, it also references a video of Bosh doing the Arab Money dance that I have somehow never seen before. And if you watch til the end, it looks like he even throws in a few Mac elbow moves as well.

In missing this occurrence when it dropped, I have disgraced myself and my family. I’m just glad I don’t live in Japan.

Here it is — belated, yet still glorious.

He at least had a good concept and the dubbed English was not bad, although the overall execution proved fairly sloppy. (via FanHouse)

In fairness, Bosh set the bar unreasonably high with his last effort, so we shouldn’t be too hard on dude, especially when he undoubtedly won this “comedy off” against Baron.

1.

A very special message from CB4 (via Fanhouse)

2.

I wonder who Steve Francis voted for? KG and TMac too? (via Ball Don’t Lie)

3.

What did Obama do yesterday before becoming President? He played ball at Attack Athletics, MJ’s stomping grounds.

Hoops heads see “Attack Athletics” and one name jumps to mind: Michael Jordan. Attack is Tim Grover’s famous gym, where MJ went from phenom to Greatest of All Time. Grover was MJ’s personal trainer for years; these days, Grover’s summer clients include Kobe Bryant, Dwyane Wade, O.J. Mayo … pretty much the brightest guards in the world. Attack might be the most cited dateline in the run-up to the June draft — besides IMG in Florida and Joe Abunassar’s joint in Las Vegas, Grover trains the cream of every draft class.

Was Attack just the most convenient gym to play at this morning? Maybe. I prefer to think of the decision as a magnificent display of swag. At the very least, it’s good vibes.

4.

Two great t-shirts from Undrcrwn. You can buy them at their website: www.undrcrwn.com. (via Slam and Slam again)

5.

Last night, KG and the rest of the Celtics were amped more by Obama’s win than their own. (via TrueHoop)

HOUSTON – Doc Rivers kept his focus on game preparations before the Celtics’ 103-99 win over Houston last night. But afterward he turned his attention to the presidential election.

“The guys are celebrating in there,” Rivers said of his players’ reaction to Barack Obama’s victory. “I told them this isn’t a black-and-white thing, don’t look at it that way. It’s good for America. I don’t care who you voted for, America got involved.”

Before the game, Rivers had observed, “This is the first time I can remember in sports so many guys being so interested in the results. I’ve never seen anything like this, ever.

UPDATE: Wrote Rondo on his blog:

OBAMA IS THE PRESIDENT! I can’t even explain how I feel right now. All I have to say is that we have to repeat, because we have to go back to the White House to meet Obama.

6.

Mark Cuban is proud to be an American and, as happens on occasion, he wrote something I agree with wholeheartedly.

On the economic side, other than being ok with him raising my effective tax rate to 40pct, there isn’t a lot of his economic policy that I do agree with him on. So why did I vote for him ?

Its simple. Having an elected black President will do more to energize this country than any economic or social policy ever could. In a single day of voting, our amazing country once again reinvigorated the dream that any child in this country, no matter what circumstances they are born into, can grow up to be anything they want, including President of the United States.

That dream, staying viable, being reinvigorated, will do more for this country than any economic policy or any legislation that could ever be passed.

7.

Brown Recluse, Esq.’s reaction last night at 10:17 pm on freedarko.

It’s Over

8.

Not Obama-related but still political…On the strength of the Both Teams bump, the new mayor of Sacramento is Kevin Johnson. The Sacramento Bee (a newspaper, not a spelling contest) showed it’s canny penchant for cleverness and originality with an opening line that, shockingly, used two basketball/athletics cliches.

The opening tipoff of the Kevin Johnson era is barely in the books, but the mayor-elect is off and running today, making the rounds of media events, waving to morning commuters on J Street, and promising to stop the financial bleeding at City Hall.

KJ’s main focus seems to be the city budget, but he had a nice quote about him being an unlikely person to become Sacto’s mayor.

“A little knucklehead kid, a poor kid from Oak Park going away and coming back and being the mayor of the city he grew up in — that’s the American dream,” he said. “I hope it’s a great example for every young person in our community that if you work hard, you get a great education and have good character, anything is possible.”

9.

Greg Oden’s call to Barack the Vote (from Monday). He sounds very scripted and, surprisingly, somewhat homosexual.

10.

Another message and video, this one of Hawks reserve PG Acie Law voting yesterday. Thanks to “scout,” without whom none of this riveting footage would have been possible. Someone call the Academy.

Man i voted for the 1st time today and to show u how serious i was about it I had my boi (scout) sneak a video camera in so we could get some footage for you all. Im excited about this whole change movement I really believe its goin to happen. I know its early but if the numbers are any indication Sen. Barack Obama is goin to be our guy for the next four years. I dont really have alot to say about my 1st experience, it went smooth i was worried tht i mite be late for practice but i was only there for about half an hour. I was expecting to be there much longer thinking tht the crowd would be huge but it wasnt bad at all. This is something ill be able to tell my children about tht i was apart of history, i was apart of gettin Sen. Obama in office THE FIRST BLACK PRESIDENT!!!

UPDATE:

11.

I just found this so we’re doing eleven. And I really wish I would have voted for Nick Young. He sounds intelligent. (via Bullets Forever)

UPDATE:

12.

Why not? Despite the fact that Obama isn’t a kid dying in a hospital with cancer or anything, Melo is playing for our new President tonight. (via Slam)

At the Nuggets’ shootaround, there was a post-election buzz. Carmelo Anthony smiled and said, “I’m going to try to score 44 tonight,” in honor of president-elect Barack Obama, who was elected Tuesday as America’s 44th president.

Since they are playing GState and he no longer has to let Ivy take 18 shots per night, his biggest problem will probably be keeping it that low.

And how bout we just say, let me know if I missed any other good ones in the comments.

JO summed up this sentiment in this succinct Yahoo! Sports article by Johnny Ludden yesterday:

“It was like a morgue,” O’Neal said last weekend. “You walk into that arena every day, and people just knew it was a bad situation. They knew that it wasn’t going to get better anytime soon. I was just worn … I was begging for a change.”

Things got so bad that the once-proud Pacers could only draw a League-worst 12,500 fans per night in the most basketball-crazed state in the Union (some 1,000 fewer than the preparing-to-abandon-the-city Sonics). By the All Star Break, it had become painfully obvious that the only solution for everyone — Jermaine, the Pacers front office, Indiana’s players and the fans populating the Hoosier state — was for JO to be moved this summer. It was an answer years in the making and the only way to lift the pervasive malaise of the post-Malice at the Palace Era and all the absurdity, bad luck and lawlessness that it entailed.

According to Ludden, Jermaine knew his time in Indy was over from the minute he stepped foot out of Conseco Fieldhouse after the team’s last game.

His season over, his career at a crossroads, Jermaine O’Neal walked out of Conseco Fieldhouse and into the night. He lingered outside the exit just long enough for his wife, Mesha, to see the nostalgia flicker in his eyes. O’Neal knew this much: He wasn’t coming back.

A draft-day trade to Toronto gave Jermaine the change he was begging for and although it wasn’t an ideal situation for either front office — Bryan Colangelo now owes the creaky kneed vet $44 million for the next two seasons and the Pacers have a point guard who, while a great fit for Jim O’Brien’s three-point-barrage offense, has an incurable spine disorder — it was about as good a scenario as either team could expect.

For the Pacers, JO’s departure is the magnum opus of Larry Bird’s great purge. Though the transition of power in the front office from long-time franchise patriarch Donnie Walsh to Bird had been underway for years, Larry Legend first flexed his complete control of the organization with this move. Earlier this week, he spoke to Marc Spears of the Boston Globe about his new outlook on the organization.

“Now I have my opportunity, so let’s see what I can do. Donnie had his opportunity for a lot of years. And not only was he was a great basketball man, but a great man, period. I admired him. I learned a lot from him. But we just had different styles. Now I get my opportunity to do what I want to do with the team.

“It ain’t going to happen overnight. We have a plan. We have to stick to it. In two or three years, we’ll have a team that is going to compete at the highest level.”

For his part, Jermaine’s continual stumping on his leadership abilities to the media in addition to the occasional cacology never helped raise his standing amongst the fan base. These public pronouncements without on-court production — fairly or not — gave many fans the impression of JO as a failed leader and flawed player whose commitment to the team waned further with every passing day folllowing the brawl.

To many, Jermaine was all talk, no walk.

His long-contentious rapport with Bird was also problematic, but, ironically, it was the decision to part was that finally provided something on which they could see eye-to-eye. (via Ludden)

“Everybody knows me and Larry didn’t have the best relationship,” O’Neal said. “We just didn’t have an open line of communication…but this summer we knew exactly what was the best situation and we worked pretty well together. We had some phone conversations that went very, very well, we kind of laughed and joked about some things, and that’s something we hadn’t done ever in my stay there.”

Finally, they agreed.

But for both JO and the Pacers, that is all in the past. And for both, it is this legacy of disappointment that they will spend the next seven to eight months — and, really, much longer — trying to escape.

With the unreasonable burden of recent history lifted, Jermaine can begin anew in Canada. Similarly, the Pacers can end their water-treading charade of faux-contending and begin anew with a strategic rebuilding plan to return the franchise to its 1990s glory.

Despite the temporary reprieve gained by shedding the final symbols of an era the franchise would like to forget (Jamaal Tinsley, who has been effectively quarantined from the NBA until he can be traded, being the final relic), the Pacers have a long way to go.

The franchise is bankrupt of A-list talent and, other than Danny Granger, has a rotation of: (A) cast-offs who were unsuccessful or unwelcome elsewhere (Mike Dunleavy, Jr., Troy Murphy, TJ Ford, Jarrett Jack), (B) promising, yet unspectacular, rookies (Brandon Rush, Roy Hibbert), and (C) flawed, if mostly dependable, filler (Rasho Nesterovic, Marquis Daniels). Plus, as always, there is rebounding savant Jeff Foster, who represents the sole survivor of what has to be among the swiftest roster overhauls in the history of profession sports and, incredibly, the only player remaining from the team Indiana put on the court in May 2005.

None of this is particularly promising for the upcoming season, but it is at least different — and for now, that is enough in Indianapolis.

For the Raptors and Jermaine, there is much more potential. A Bosh/JO interior could be truly dynamic, but the team’s perimeter players aside from Jose Calderon remain too dubious for the team to realistically expect much beyond another 1st or 2nd Round Playoff exit.

And what if JO and Bosh, who both have eerily similar styles, can’t coexist offensively? While putting the two bigs on the block would seem like a can’t-fail proposition, there are doubters. When talking about the possibility of playing Andrew Bynum and Pau Gasol together in the Lakers front court, for example, Tex Winters recently questioned the Twin Towers philosophy altogether.

“I don’t know if the twin towers has ever been effective, has it?” he asked. “It kind of puts one of ‘em (Bynum or Gasol) out of position, particularly defensively. That’s what makes it tough.”

Obviously, Hakeem and Sampson had some success as dual bigs, and The Admiral and Groundhog Day won a title. And neither JO nor CB4 are really even centers — rather, they are agile, slender power forwards who both like to play in the midrange offensively. So the same skepticism may not even rightly apply.

Regardless, the real question isn’t about style; it is about Jermaine’s body.

He rehabbed and trained rigorously this summer with a strength guru, slenderized thanks to two months without sugar or dairy, and has been generally talking like he’s as healthy as he’s been since he was terrorizing the League and finishing third in MVP voting in 2004. Nobody expects that JO to ever return, of course, but if the Raptors can simply get the JO who brings a nightly intimidating paint presence on defense and provides enough offensive firepower to exploit the opposing team’s weaker post defender, that should be enough to push this squad to the next level.

But it’s all predicated on staying healthy, of course. For us Pacer fans, that “if” had become a yearly mantra and is something none will believe without seeing.

Ultimately, I believe most Pacer fans hope that “if” comes true, however.

What happened to that Pacer team, which had won 61 games and lost in the Eastern Conference Finals the previous year, on November 19, 2004 was truly devastating to both the franchise and Jermaine.

The fate of the Indiana Pacer franchise at large affects many more people, so it is the true tragedy in all this, but the Malice in the Palace was the trigger that began a downward spiral of JO’s career that culminated with him becoming an albatross contract shipped to the highest bidder.

In Indiana, despite its early promise, the JO Era will never be remembered fondly. Nonetheless, many Pacer fans still hope that, when it’s all said and done, Jermaine’s career is, and that in its waning moments, he will never be seen riding in the back of a cab, reminiscing on the brawl and telling Ron Artest that he could have had class; that he could have been a contender.

We’ve perused our (non-existent) Rolodex and narrowed down the selections to a veritable Mount Olympus of NBA experts to lend their authority to this season preview, including players, coaches, owners, legends, announcers, fans and possibly even a mascot. Over the next two weeks several months, we’ll be sharing their (mock) e-mails to give you a completely unique perspective on all 29 NBA teams, plus those dudes in Oklahoma.

We begin with The Atlantic Division, featuring:

• Darius Miles, new back-up forward of the Celtics
• Brook Lopez, rookie center of the Nets
• Walt “Clyde” Frazier, color commentator for the Knicks
• Elton Brand, new starting power forward of the 76ers
• Chris Bosh, All Star power forward of the Raptors

Take it away, (poorly impersonated) gentlemen.

——————————————————————

The State of the Boston Celtics
by Darius Miles

The CHAMPS is here.

Yeah, baby, it’s great to be in Beantown.

Not since I was starring in The Perfect Score have I seen so many hard-working folks dedicated to their craft. The message of that film — and the lesson I learned when we was making it — is that nothing comes easy in this here life. You really gotta work your tail off if you ever wanna find success.

Scarlett Johansson motivated us all on the set and kept us on point. And KG is that dude here in the Land of the Leprechaun. And did you see his new commercial? Oooh-wee. The Kid’s got some acting chops. Dude nailed it.

And that’s the message for us this year. The Little Things. Keep working. Keep going. Keep pluggin. Keep on keeping on. I mean, me and the rest of the The Big 4 know it aint gonna be easy to make it back to the top of the mountain again, but we’re committed and we’re not overlooking anybody. We know that Deeee-troit basketball is always tough. LeBron and them will be doing their thing. Flash, Matrix and now Mike BEASTley will be tough. Atlanta, Philly, DC…they’re all a problem.

But we feel like if we play our best, no one can beat us this year. Like I said, we just have to do the work. The little things. Kevin says that’s what makes the champs the champs.

And you best believe that’s just what I’ll be doing on the court once I get back from that little time-out Stern gave me for my little mysterious transgression. I just want to show all the DMiles fans — and all the haters too, LOL — that DMiles is back. I’m ready. I’ve been working hard. Me and Scalabrine have been working on the coordinated fist-bump-to-the-dome too and it’s rejuvenation time for that. Believe that. Q’s out…B’s in. What, what.

We’re all just ready for the season to start. Paul says he’s healthier than he’s been in years after the summer. My man Ray Ray is on a mission to prove he isn’t washed up — that’s really brought us together, ’cause people were saying that about me like four years ago. Kendrick is a load inside. Rajon reminds me of Z-Bo the way he be thievin’ in practice. Quick hands on that kid. Leon and the Notorious BIG Baby keep it rollin’. And you should see this Billy Sky Walker, kid. Oh my god. He’s like a young me out there the way he bangs on people. There’s really no weaknesses if we keep healthy.

All that plus DMiles equals: “Look out rest of the League.” I’m not tryna be cocky or give no one any bulletin board material or nothing. Cause that’s not the Celtic way and we do have a long road ahead. And we’re the Champs so we got the big ol’ bull’seye on our back now. It’s gonna be tough.

But we’ve got the nose to the grindstone and we are still the Champs. We might have lost Posey, but when you got the Big 3 plus D (Miles), it’s good things. Real good things.

Aint nothing that can hold me back now.

Shout out to Eddie House.

The State of the New Jersey Nets
by Brook Lopez,

The NBA is awesome. Man, it’s so cool. My brother Robin always told me it was gonna be so great, but I really didn’t know it was gonna be so awesome or so cool. It’s like a dream come true but better cause it’s a dream you didn’t even ever have cause nothing this sweet has happened while you’ve ever been sleeping. It’s like if you could dream in 3-D, I think. Did you ever see that Captain Neo thing at Disney World? Me and Robin’s parents took us there when were super little kids and I don’t really remember anything that happened as in the plot stuff but it had Michael Jackson back before he was a kiddie rapist and when he was still the King of Pop and it had all these crazy things that came out of the screen and jumped at you like “Blaaah.” If you didn’t see it you should go cause it’s really friggin’ sweet. That’s kinda what the NBA is like.

The State of the New York Knicks
by Walt “Clyde” Frazier

The moves and grooves to shake-up the make up of the New York Knickerbockers this summer were exhilarating and stimulating for Big Apple fanatics. The hiring and firing commenced when master harasser Isiah Thomas was terminated in order to orchestrate a change of regime and a change of scene for long-time Pacer General Manager Donnie Walsh. But that wasn’t the only aggressively impressive transition via addition.

Jim Dolan went strolling across the pond to the nation known for tailoring a fine suit and looking like a boot to draft the versatile Italian kid with style, Danilo Gallinari. Then he headed to the desert to find the mustachioed connoisseur of pistachios, Mike D’Antoni. In Italy, they called Danilo The Rooster and, in Phoenix, D’antoni was an offensive booster, so we should be in for a three-point barrage from the Garden entourage all season long.

Cats like Nate the Great, Jamal and Q are guaranteed to thrive and jive in the new system, but we know a guy like Eddy Curry, who I’ve personally witnessed piss liquid butter and kiss fluffernutter, is gonna struggle to juggle the fast pace. And who knows if Steph can be stay in step with the new crew or if the New York faithful will just show up to boo?

Inevitably and regrettably, the season is all gonna hinge on whether the fox in the box gets Sam I Am to eat green eggs and ham here or there, but as an objective and elective journalist I can neither presuppose or now compose the answer to such an always-timeless, never-rhymeless inquisition.

The State of the Philadelphia 76ers
by Elton Brand

You guys might have heard about my summer. Some things got blown out of proportion and the media really ran with all that he-said, she-said stuff out in Los Angeles, but that’s all in the past now. I’m in Philadelphia. And I’m proud to be a Sixer. The only other thing I have to say about the whole situation is to wish all the players, the assistant coaches, the trainers and the waterboys the best of luck. That franchise is lucky to have those people courtside. They have the chance to be a good team if they can overcome their one weakness.

Who else is going to be a good team is the Philadelphia 76ers. I was thrilled to get the opportunity to come to a team that has so many young, athletic guys. They were already successful last year and you could really see why when they all came together after the All Star Break. I just want to jump in and fit in and help us be even better.

Igoudala is one of the most athletic guys in the League. Thaddeus Young and Louis Williams are both beasts. There’s no limit to how far we can go if those guys can continue to improve. Iggy’s almost an All Star already and he’s still getting better everyday. But the real key to the whole team last year, I thought, was Andre Miller. He’s been so great in this League for so long and never gotten his due. He’s had like 14 ppg and 8 apg like five times and never even been an All Star. That’s crazy. He’s maybe the most underrated player in the whole League.

Half of what makes him so good is that he doesn’t care about the stats and All Star Games and all that. I’ve known him forever and he’s just a really laid-back, professional guy. That’s one of the things that really made me wanna come here. Trying to be the one vet on a team of young kids is tough, but with me, him, Reggie Evans, Theo Ratliff and Donyell, we have a bunch of guys to show the younger guys what the Playoffs are like and teach them how to win.

I mean, these guys almost beat Detroit last year and a kid like Thaddeus was a 19-year-old playing 25 mpg and averaging like 10 ppg and 5 rebounds. That may not sound like a lot, but just from seeing him in camp I’ll guarantee he’s going to put up some 30/10 games this year. Just watch. You already know about Andre and Sam. And now that we can run the offense through me a little more, it’s going to allow them to focus on defense. That’s Sam’s forte already, but Iggy can lock it down too. Now that he doesn’t need to take 20 shots every night, it’s going to be bad news for the guys he’s guarding.

All in all, I couldn’t be more excited to be back in the Eastern Conference and — more importantly — in Philadelphia. The East is wide open outside of Boston and we all feel like we have a definite shot at the Finals.

The State of the Toronto Raptors
by Chris Bosh

Attention, attention, attention.

This is Chris Bosh and I’m offering you an Opening Day special, a Halloween special and pre-Thanksgiving special look at the 2008-09 Toronto Raptors. LMAO!!1!!

Seriously though, I couldn’t be more ready for this season to start. All me and Jermaine have been doing is counting down the days. We’re hungry. Last year we made the Playoffs and although it was a tough series with the Magic, I got the feeling that a few of the guys here were just happy to be there. I don’t fault them for that — I felt the same way the first time I was there — but there’s a feeling in camp this year that things are different. This year things are serious.

A lot of that should be credited to JO. He’s a pro’s pro and he’s already taught me a lot. People have always compared us, I guess, since we’re the same size and have similar all-around 20/10 games to show, and both take a lot of jumpers. We’ve of course been melding on the court and getting our Twin Towers on, but guess what NBA? Blane Harrington‘s got a new friend too. You won’t see the YouTube until the All Star game, but I’ll give you a four-word hint: “Theodore Von Excalibur VII.”

And, oh yeah, even though none of em can act, Jose, that Andrea chick and a bunch of these other European dudes are really good too. I think we have a good shot at the Finals if we get by Boston.

Yup, it’s gonna be a good year.

Yee-Haw!!!!!!!
CB4

Unfortunately, even the world’s most famous hall monitor cannot save the Chinese National Team. So let’s get to it.

(Saeed Kahn/AFP/Getty Images)

1st Quarter

10:00 – They’re playing the John Tesh-orchestrated NBA on NBC theme in the stadium, which used to be my favorite song until the moment just now when play-by-play guy Mike Breen said to color commentator Doug Collins, “Hey, they’re playing your song.”

Also…What is Bushie doing in the Team USA huddle? Is he suiting up? Ball boy? Craig Sager tries to shed some light on this by contemplating who would win in a one-on-one game between Dubya and the Chinese President. I do think they should have put Obama on Team USA though. I’ve heard he can actually ball. And, yes, that is the only reason I’ll be voting for him. (Calm down, Republicans. I’m only kidding. I’ll once again be voting for Eric B.)

9:38 – Kobe is ball-hawking ferociously to start the game, forcing his man to give up the ball. Too bad it’s Yao who gets it at the top of the key and drills a triple. “How apropos,” says Doug Collins.

8:37 - Kobe takes a corner three and hits nothing but…the side of the back-board. Ouch. Melo missed one earlier so it’s 0-2 from three so far for the Americans. This may be an issue.

8:15 – USA gets off in transition and Dwight Howard finishes with a strong dunk. This won’t be an issue.

8:02 – China, looking fantastic in their Ronald McDonald-inspired uniforms, hits another trey to take a 6-2 lead.

7:20 – LeBron gets to the hoop and finishes plus the foul. He knocks down the freebie to put the USA up 7-6. Let’s hope China doesn’t lead again.

6:40 - China hits a jumper. Takes the lead. Then Golden Boy Jason Kidd turns it over and China scores again. USA trails 11-7.

6:15 - LeBron makes a slick move left and finishes off the glass. Down 11-9.

5:35 – Kobe goes to the hoop and gets his shit swatted badly by Yao. A billion-three go absoultely nuts. China breaks out in transition but LeBron makes a Tayshaun-esque trailer block and pins some weak nonsense against the glass. A timeout gives me time to realize that Team USA looks like crap.

4:45 – LeBron puts down a ridiculous leaner, tomahawk fastbreak finish after a CP3 dish.

4:35 – Kobe hits a three in transition off a CP3 drop pass.

3:50 – Flash takes the ball from a Chinese perimeter dribbler and takes it to the house. Team USA better hope for like 20 points per game this way if they’re gonna continue to play as badly as they are in the halfcourt game.

3:06 – Chen Jianghua penetrates all the way to the hoop with a sweet move to tie it up at 16-16. I like this guy.

2:47 – For the first time since he played at Marquette, Flash gets called for a walk.

1:10 – After a minute-and-a-half of sloppy ball and boring commentary, Flash breaks some ankles and dices through China’s zone. He can’t finish but gets hammered and knocks down two from the line. USA now up 18-16. This better be the lead that never gets relinquished.

0:26 – Dwight backs down a large Asian dude and dunks young-Shaq-style in his grill, embarrassing him in front of a billion and change. Plus his mom.

0:05 – In trying to explain what Team USA needs to get back to dominating international competition, Doug Collins says, “the word I always use is synergy.” Please don’t.

0:00 – The quarter ends: USA 20 – China 16.

2nd Quarter

10:00 – In talking about how the world was able to catch up with Team USA, Collins and Breen pontificate that the first signs came when the Americans just barely survived Lithuania in a 2000 Olympic game after Sarunas Jasikevicius narrowly missed a buzzer-three that could have won the game. When the camera shows a shot of JKidd on the bench, Collins mentions that Kidd was the one guarding Sarunas on that play, along with help from Antonio McDyess. I think we pinpointed the problem then. What the hell was Antonio McDyess doing on Team USA?

Team USA should have re-evaluated its whole philosophy as soon as this guy almost beat them in Sydney.

8:34 – Mamba saves the ball under his own hoop right to a Chinese player who lays it in. Then, KB10 misses a three on the next trip down. My high school coach is having flashbacks — minus the “Venessa” with a crown tattoo, of course. Mine says “Mom” with a heart because I’m a good son. Also, I have this one.

8:14 – LeBron makes another absurd, pin-it-against-the-backboard block after a nice drive by some Chinese dude. He throws a full court chest-pass to Flash who dunks all alone.

7:06 – After China hits a three, Dwight gets to the line while trying to dunk. He’s already in double digits. While he’s shooting, the camera shows Bush I, Bush II, Laura Bush and the Chinese foreign minister all sitting in the same row. Henry Kissinger is also sitting right behind them and appears to be napping.

6:02 – China hits a three to tie the game. How apropos.

5:15 – Michael Redd (surprisingly) misses a three (he was 12-24 in the prelims). Bosh grabs the O board, however, and dunks on three guys. Collins mentions that, if JO can stay healthy next year, the Raps could be very good. As a Pacers fan, I chuckle.

4:45 - Kobe gets back-to-back dunks, one on his own penetration over a dude and one in transition after a (sloppy) behind-the-back Bron dish.

4:38 – Craig Sager interviews Jerry Colangelo on the sideline. Sages looks so depressed that they made him wear a standard-issue Olympic polo shirt instead of a Dumb and Dumber tuxedo. How can they do that to this guy? Asking him to give horrible courtside reports without looking ridiculous is like asking Iron Man to save the world without his suit.

Seeing Sager sans silly suit saddens souls.

3:23 – LeBron freighttrains his way to the hoop and finishes plus the harm.

2:48 – Kidd makes a slick thread-the-needle pass through the lane to Bosh for a lay-in.

2:21 – USA scores on an obscene alley-opp in transition from Flash to Bron. The pass was way off, but King James went and got it anyway like that Grant Hill dunk at Duke and just turned it into an vicious tomahawk. The next play is a Kobe to Bron alley attempt that gets broken up. Kobe grabs the loose ball and dunks anyway. China might wanna stick to table tennis and diving.

1:40 – Bosh dunks to culminate a 16-3 USA run.

1:05 - Yao hits two free throws. USA up 47-36. Wade then scores on a pretty drive with a double-clutch lay-in, and Yao subsequently abuses Bosh in the post. He doesn’t score but gets fouled, and in the process looks about 80% back from the stress fracture.

0:04 – Mike Krzyszaeswsraswekski calls a timeout to set up a final play. The Redeem Team has now used more timeouts in the first half of its first game than the Dream Team did in the Barcelona Olympics.

0:02 - And, boy oh boy, is it a great play. Kobe travels.

3rd Quarter

10:00 - The Marvin Gaye Star-Spangled Banner Nike commercial is the best Olympic ad since Dan vs Dave.

9:35 – Kobe makes a sick move to the hoop and dunks with two hands. LeBron swats yet another shot on the other end.

9:12 - JKidd turns the ball over in transition once again. That makes eight turnovers for Team USA thus far, which nicely complements the squad’s 1-12 shooting from three. Jason Kidd might not even be the third best PG on this team.

8:14 – In the middle of Doug Collins ripping Yi for his poor play (with good reason since he’s, I think, 0-11 from the floor) the Chairman throws down a monster dunk on an offensive rebound tip in over Carmelo. Yi may not be able to bring the Soon To Be Brooklyn Nets to the Playoffs, but he’ll now always have a place in my heart for further proving my theory that Doug Collins is a nitwit.

5:50 – Not much interesting happens for a while aside from me eating eggs until LeBron goes coast-to-coast and dunks. USA is now up 55-39. Feel the excitement.

5:07 – USA breaks out a full-court press. They don’t get a turnover, but China misses a three after a long, hurried pass upcourt. I’m not sure why Coach K doesn’t just press the whole game like a high school team who’s clearly more athletic, talented and deeper than its opponent.

3:56 – After yet another missed three by USA, Bosh grabs another O board and scores. He’s looking solid.

3:37 – LeBron scores on a breakaway. USA back up 17.

2:02 – As Flash finishes at the hoop plus the foul, Yao goes down and is grabbing his formerly fractured foot. Uh-oh. That’s really not good. Meanwhile, Wade is 6-6 from the floor and 5-5 from the line. Being able to bring both Chris Paul and Dwyane Wade off the bench is insane.

0:52 – Kobe does the LeBron tomahawk on a breakaway. I mean, seriously, it works as a non-bourgeois, signature finish for LBJ and all, but can everyone else in the League please go back to breaking out windmills, reverses and double-clutches when its one-on-none?

0:22 – Now that’s what I’m talking about. Right on cue, Flash picks the pocket of a perimeter dribbler and does a nice little rockababy, double-clutch reverse on the breakaway. Really, that’s all I’m asking for here. Team USA is now up 25.

4th Quarter

10:00 – I’m already sick of the animated LBJ/Yao Coke commercial.

8:58 – Deron tries to dunk on Yao’s head. It doesn’t work. The crowd cheers.

8:02 – Deron hits a pull-back jumper, then gets fouled on the next play down on an aggressive drive. It looks like he’s the only one out that who isn’t bored of this game. God knows I am.

7:24 - Sure enough, Deron scores on a transition up-and-under lay-up. Meanwhile, Dubya and Laura have had enough and get up to leave. Surprisingly, he doesn’t get the same star treatment Kobe did when he trying to walk through the crowd earlier today. The low-level of visible Secret Service is encouraging, however.

Dubya, his pops and his wife all showed up. Unfortunately, he had to leave midway through the 4th Quarter. I mean, Misty May’s ass isn’t gonna spank itself

5:32 – Michael Redd misses another three. I’m sure he’ll do fine and all, but I’m shocked that Coach K and Colangelo didn’t bring one more shooter. What happened to Mike Miller? Is Tayshaun really necessary?

3:34 - After a nice finish by Yi, Redd misses another three.

3:14 – Then, Redd again misses another three and Yi again dunks.

2:32 - Yi scores again. Is “Jianliang” Cantonese for “ARod”?

1:09 – CP3 hits a trey to keep everyone on the edge of their seats for this thrilling conclusion.

0:33 – Redd finally hits a three. Team USA is now 7-24 for the game. That’s not getting it done against Spain or Argentina.

0:00 – And…The most watched basketball game of all-time is now officially complete. Team USA wins 101-70, and 1.3 billion plus are underwhelmed.

Okay, maybe not. And yeah, he has used it before.

How ’bout them Celtics?

This is getting ridiculous. I think we all thought LeBron would take over a game or two and stretch this to six or maybe even seven games. But the Cavs are winning without him even doing anything other-worldly. Sure, he played well late, hit some big threes and had that “no regard for human life” dunk that embarrassed KG’s kids, but he still hasn’t even “gone Bron Bron” on the C’s.

The real question on everyone’s mind, however, is did we ever find out why he yelled at that lady to “sit your ass down” after Paul Pierce tried to tackle him into the fifth row? Was that actually his mom? Was it his grand-daughter? Chris Bosh’s girlfriend?

Really, who cares about Boston’s road woes. They’re probably not even getting past Detroit at this rate and they’re certainly not beating whoever survives the San Antonio/New Orleans/Los Angeles/Utah gauntlet.

So let’s just solve this mystery of King James and The Kingdom of the Sit Your Ass Down by morning, eh?

UPDATE: Turns out that really was his mom. Good work, Mystery Machine.

Really, all we know thus far is that he’s an English dude that rocks bow-ties, composes in composition books, maintains a debonair hair cut and will soon be interviewing Chris Bosh.

Don’t fret, though. I have a feeling that the thrilling conclusion will be revealed during All Star Weekend.

The only downside is that this multi-part Blane Harrington saga can’t possibly live up to CB4′s last effort. Here it is in case you somehow missed it: