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Anchorman

KG Takes Two Weak, Unispiring Fadeaways

by Jared Wade on December 29, 2009 at 4:02 pm

I spent all my NBA writing time of late on two things for Hardwood Paroxysm, so despite my best efforts, there will be nothing new from me here today. But much of that stuff will interest all of yall just as much, so head over to take a gander.

In my opinion, the most interesting nugget was a note about KG’s decision to take back-to-back jumpers late in Boston’s loss to G-State last night, despite having two clear mismatches on the guys guarding him (Monta Ellis and Corey Maggette).

Here’s the full breakdown.

Lemon Face – KG Fading Away

After resting on the bench for quite some time, KG entered the game in the fourth quarter with about 6 minutes to go and his team down by 5. About three possessions later, he found himself with the ball being guarded by Monta Ellis. To be completely fair, he didn’t have a ton of time left on shotclock, but that does not forgive the terrible, awkward, off-balance fadeaway he opted to take over a 6?3? guy who weighs less than the sandwich Big Baby ate during half-time. Then, on the next trip down the floor, Garnett again found himself with the ball in the midrange and, again, had himself a nice mismatch, this time over Corey Maggette. What did KG do? He took and badly missed another off-balance fadeaway. Rajon Rondo was able to score the next 6 points for Boston and keep them within a few missed Ray Allen threes from coming back to steal the win on the road, but it’s inexcusable for the Big Ticket to ruin two key fourth quarter possessions — especially when Paul Pierce isn’t playing, Rondo is reluctantly not completely taking over and Ray Allen is shooting like Marquis Daniels. That’s just not a winning formula for the Celtics. In fact, I actually have the formula that proves it.

And, yes, the main reason I’m posting this is just so I can include the corresponding formula that explains why KG should not be doing this. It was devised by Rakim, who we know drops science like a scientist, so you know it’s good.

Most of all, however, you should head over to HP for another 1,000 or so words on who else had great or bad evenings last night. And once you’re there, you can also find another 1,000 words previewing tonight’s games.

The Kevin Garnett Winning Formula

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Brook Lopez Goes Trick or Treating

by Jared Wade on October 31, 2009 at 4:47 pm

My affinity for Brook Lopez is no secret. That probably goes back to the time I shouted it on a mountain. And probably the only thing I love more than Brook Lopez the human being is Brook Lopez the human being in an Optimus Prime mask. (via NetsAreScorching)

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Michael, Michael, Motorcycle

by Jared Wade on August 31, 2009 at 9:20 am

As you may have heard, Michael Jordan is widely considered a Hall of Fame-caliber basketball player. And in about two weeks, on September 11, Springfield will make it official by inaugurating him into the Hall. To ensure people don’t forget who Jordan was, the museum’s curators have even gone so far as to partner with Jordan Brand to put together an exhibit that will run through the rest of 2009 called “Becoming Legendary: The Michael Jordan Story.”

Not to be outdone, ESPN has seemingly also partnered with the Jordan Brand to put together a Jumpman-laden, online feature that presents Mike’s 23 greatest moments in both video and written form. While the inclusion of so many logos might make Sportscenter anchor Josh Elliot’s head explode, I kid about the sponsorship part (I think). Regardless, the thing looks very good thus far.

Unfortunately, they have made it a countdown where you can only see those videos that have been released already, meaning that you can only watch moments number 23, 22, 2 and 20 as of today. But the videos do come along with written commentary from the likes of Coach Bobby Cremins, whose Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets got lit up for 39 by Jordan in Greensboro, North Carolina, in 1983 for moment #23, and Joe Dumars, who got lit up by Jordan many, many times and had to watch helplessly from the ground as MJ drilled a 30-foot, game-winning three over him in 1992 for moment #20.

Writes Dumars:

It was only a matter of whether I’d be able to force him into a tough shot. I did. He was so far behind the 3-point line, but that wasn’t enough.

Keep your head up, Joe. You certainly did better than Craig Ehlo.

I’ll be looking forward to seeing/reading the rest, and ESPN advises us to “Check back daily as new videos are released, all leading up to his induction into the Basketball Hall of Fame.”

Slam magazine, too, is all about Jordan this month with a full issue dedicated to him that’s aptly titled “Slam Presents: Jordan.” I bought this “Hall of Fame Tribute” that’s “100% Mike” the other day and, while it’s nice to have all this stuff bound together in one place, avid Slam readers will soon realize that it is mostly just rehashed coverage from the past. It’s all good though, since we get to read some classic pieces from former editors @RussBengston and Scoop Jackson as well as relive some old Slamadamonths and “walk down memory lane” (wait for it…) in a feature that breaks down all the Air Jordan “sneakers” (…there it is) from I-XX3. (The piece is similar to Nike’s online timeline of Air Jordans, but even though it doesn’t have the cool interactiveness of the corporate spot, it does have some nice factoids and descriptions that you probably won’t hear about as succinctly elsewhere.) All told, this “Special Collector’s Issue” is probably worth your $7.99 — particularly if you haven’t previously read all the pieces that Scoop and Russ did back when Mike was actually playing. (And if you still have $24.99 left over, buy the Ultimate Jordan DVD collection. It’s the best value I’ve ever gotten out of a sports DVD set other than this one about Muhammad Ali.)

While it’s great that all this stuff is out there, fear not, sports fans; Springfield, Bristol and the Slam Dome aren’t the only ones getting in on the predictable commemoration/coronation/nostalgiation of the man widely viewed as the best to ever lace em up. Yours truly is also writing about the one they call Air Jordan aka MJ aka Money aka Hir Airness aka Johnny Kilroy aka Motorboat Jones aka Superman (?) aka Mike … … Okay. Wait? What? Basketball-Reference actually lists “Mike” as an official nickname for the man on its Michael Jordan page? That seems like overkill, particularly when the well-known, French point guard in San Antonio whose full name you probably don’t even know (William Anthony Parker) doesn’t even get a “Tony” mention. (Nor is there a “Fiery Francophile,” a “Parisian Torpedo” or a “Main Butter & Egg Man” mention, it should be noted. Watch this video if that previous sentence understandably makes no sense.)

Sorry. Where was I?

Oh, right. Here’s the MJ piece I wrote for Hardwood Paroxysm.

It’s about how even if someday someone somehow comes along who is better at the sport of basketball than Mike, it will be very hard to convince anyone of that fact given that we all lived through MJ’s perfect career trajectory and are still experiencing the expanding mythos of MJ everyday. For evidence, see all the stuff discussed above. Keep in mind, however, that in no way is any of this at all intended to be disparaging to the G.O.A.T.; the post is just talking about how it will be nearly impossible to ever change the perception of perfection that is so deeply ingrained into our collective fan psychology.

Whoa. Sorry for all those polysyllabic words. I blacked out for a minute. Will not happen again.

UPDATE: In related news, the fine print regarding an upcoming Michael Jordan mini-golf tournament might be the best thing I’ve read in weeks.

MJ 23 Moments ESPN

You guys hear about this Jordan guy? I believe it’s “Jordan” … or “Your-dan.” It might be a soft “J.” Apparently, he’s going into the Basketball Hall of Fame. It’s supposed to be wild.

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YouTube Was Created…

by Jared Wade on July 28, 2009 at 4:15 pm

…so that I could watch Hedo Turkoglu spit bars in a Turkish posse cut/cell phone commercial along with someone’s grandmother, three faux-mannequins rocking bridal gowns, a female yuppie, a balding escalator-runner, some mustachioed dude and a tuba trio.

Confused? So was Hedo. Just watch.

And in unrelated news, Bill Simmons has a very good, two-part rundown of the NBA off-season (Part 1 and Part 2) set to the backdrop of quotes from Almost Famous, which is inexplicably his favorite movie of the 2000s. As I put it on Eight Points, Nine Seconds:

Bill Simmons’ favorite movie of the 2000s is inexplicably Almost Famous. I mean, it’s a good flick and all, but better than City of God, Anchorman, Adaptation., There Will Be Blood, X2, Children of Men, No Country for Old Men, Snatch, Old School, Ocean’s Eleven, The Assassination of Jesse James, 25th Hour, The Savages, Zoolander, The Wrestler and Thank You For Smoking (among others)? Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion, I suppose, but that’s a pretty odd movie to choose as a favorite, especially if you factor in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Dark Knight and Iron Man.

Yes. I just quoted myself.

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Much like his big homie Jay-Z, LeBron doesn’t like to waste time. He always makes sure he does things right the first time.

For example, here he is chilling on a basketball court with Steve Kroft of 60 Minutes for a special piece the show is doing on the soon-to-be MVP. And in the middle of a discussion about whether or not Bron thinks that he has yet reached his peak, he casually drills a 65-foot, underhand shot.

Luckily, the 60 Minutes cameraman was on it and captured the entire flight of the incredible shot. “How many times can you do that in a row? asks a dazzled Kroft. “I’m one take, baby, that’s all. I’m just one take,” smirks James.

Way better than any of that, however, is his explanation of 60 Minutes.

Apparently, LeBron didn’t really understand how influential and wide-reaching Sports Illustrated was back when he graced the magazine’s cover as a high school junior in February 2002. He thought is was “just another sports magazine.” Aside from the fact that this admittance probably reveals a little bit about the bubble that LeBron lived in as a high school prodigy, it also quickly made the interviewer wonder if LeBron, now seven years older and wiser, realizes that 60 Minutes is kind of a big deal.

With a twinkle in his eye, Kroft asks, “Do you know what 60 Minutes is?” “Yeah,” replies James, who then waits for effect, “It’s an hour, right?”

I must have missed the twinkle, but I’ll take your word for it Mr. CBS Online Synopsis Writer.

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Circus Fam: Boys Gossiping ‘Bout Boys

by Jared Wade on March 6, 2009 at 8:43 am

circus-fam-21

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