Why Is This an NBA Blog? Because There Are No Fours
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If it wasn’t before, it’s now officially official that Kenny Smith is the only guy we’re calling The Jet. You just lost all your Jet privileges, Mr. Terry. (video via FanHouse)
And just because I wasn’t posting during All-Star Weekend, below that is the video of Shaq putting it through Superman’s legs, which I’m pretty sure was the best All-Star Game play I’ve seen since Magic hit that post-HIV fadaway three to end the 1992 game with time still remaining on the clock.
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I’ve been out of the NBA loop for a few days, but I still don’t believe that TNT has set its lineup of participants for the HORSE contest set to occur at this year’s All-Star Weekend.
But for the love of all things holy, they better at least be sending an Evite to Sheed — something to which I expect he will respond by clicking the “+1″ box and writing the comment: “Me and the Ruckus will be there. Bet that.”
Here he is displaying his skills, which include hitting simultaneous threes with both his left and right hands, hitting a rainbow shot from behind the basket frame and hitting really far-away shots. Okay, the first one is really the only impressive one, but it’s pretty awesome. Plus, much like my birthday party and annual Flag Day spectacular, inviting Sheed should just be the default setting for every televised NBA event.
Another guy who definitely should get the nod to display his barnyard shooting contest acumen is Kevin Love aka Klove (help me out here Both Teamsters), who as you can see below would probably dominate the field.
Although, if they invited Thunder Dan Marjele, no one would stand a chance.
UPDATE: In an attempt to keep this thing completely devoid of personality, TNT has chosen Joe Johnson, Kevin Durant and OJ Mayo. (Two-time All-Star Joe Johnson characteristically didn’t even make ESPN’s headline.) These three guys? Really?
This was probably gonna be really boring regardless, but c’mon.
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Ray Allen is now headed to Phoenix for the All-Star Game after David Stern gave him the golden nod to replace Magic PG Jameer Nelson, who’s done for the season after tearing the labrum in his shoulder.
I don’t normally get too worked up about this stuff, but it’s about damn time.
Allen is receiving his ninth selection in a year where he’s shooting a career high 50% from the floor, an impressive 41% from three and a near-perfect 94% from the line. Meanwhile, he has been Boston’s most consistent offensive player all season and dropped a “Fuck this bullshit” 36 points in victory over the Raptors on January 11, prior to which the Celtics had lost seven of their last nine. And they haven’t lost again since.
Coincidence? Possibly.
Eastern Conference All-Star? Yessir.
Yes, Michael Finley, that is the prettiest jumpshot you've ever seen in your life. (With apologies to Shawn Respert.)
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(Photo by Jesse D. Garrabrant/NBAE via Getty Images)
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In news sure to generate up to 36 hours of self-congratulatory boners in the Sports Guy’s Mansion, TNT has added a HORSE competition to this year’s All-Star Weekend. The players are as yet undetermined, but we do know that it can’t fail entirely since Kenny the Jet, CWebb and Ernie Johnson will all be involved.
JE Skeets over at Ball Don’t Lie explains it best:
The game will use a traditional format in which three NBA players will establish the playing order. Once a shot is made, the next player in the predetermined order will attempt the same shot. If that player misses, he is assign — look, if you don’t know how to play H-O-R-S-E, I doubt you’re reading this blog. All you really need to know is that there is no dunking allowed and ballers have just 24 seconds to create/mimic shots.
Pretty much.
HORSE is pretty cool, but they shoulda gone with NPHRIDINGAUNICORN.
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Predicting things is, by and large, a stupid endeavor.
Its sole purpose is generally to make predictors think they’re smarter than people dumb enough to listen to what they say/read what they write when clearly neither party actually knows what they’re talking about in the first place. And, in the second place, the predictor generally fails to mention all the stuff he or she got completely wrong in the past but generally loves to continually rehash all the stuff they “predicted.”
Essentially, it’s just an exercise in confirmation bias that’s used to make the predictor feel superior to others.
Me, I don’t need that. When I want to feel superior to others, I just look in the mirror. Because I’m so handsome, you see.
So it’s with this in mind that I point out my clairvoyance about last year’s All-Star Game rosters.
Indeed, my personal confirmation bias alerted me to the fact that I nailed all 14 reserve selections before they were announced last season. (It also informs me that I picked Princeton over UCLA the year I won my high school’s March Madness pool as an eighth-grader. Calm down, ladies.)
Due to my remarkable achievements in prior predictology, then, I may as well try to keep the batting 1.000 and make some selections for this year’s game in Phoenix before they are announced in about an hour.
And, no, I don’t have any insider leaked information — no one sends me things like that.
The only caveat of note is that these are the players I think the coaches will actually vote in as reserves, not necessarily the 14 I think should be suiting up. Then again, I seem to be the only one who doesn’t really care that much who plays in an exhibition game for fun (aside from Granger).
But enough ado:
G – Joe Johnson
Mr. Anonymous is a no-brainer.
G – Ray Allen
The least heralded Celtic has easily had the best season for the leprechauns thus far.
F – Danny Granger
He invented puppies after all.
F – Rashard Lewis
Dwight Howard won’t be the only All-Star on a 34-10 team. And Jameer aint gonna make the cut even if he is having a career year.
C – Chris Bosh
The coaches were told they can consider him a center. They will.
WC – Devin Harris
A lock for Most Improved Player of the Year. And the best player on an over-achiever. Shouldn’t be much question on this one.
WC – Paul Pierce
He’s Paul Pierce. Coaches aren’t gonna really care that he’s been a little bit off most of the season.
Only legitimate snubs: Vince Carter (deserves to be there), Mo Williams (best acquisition of the 2008 summer), Tayshaun Prince (best Piston season thus far), Antawn Jamison (not enough wins), Rajon Rondo (his brilliance has been fading the last month anyway), Mike Bibby (40% from three, best FG% since 2004, best AST/TO of his career, Hawks are 26-19) Jameer Nelson (he’s been playing well, but really isn’t an All-Star), David Lee (see Jameer), and Derrick Rose (see Rondo).
G – Chauncey Billups
He’s the type of gentleman who heterosexual coaches would fellate — with generous ball cuppage.
G – Steve Nash
The game’s in Phoenix. Coaches love him. He’s white. He’ll make it.
F – Dirk Nowitzki
Insert non-comical Boogie Nights reference here.
F – Pau Gasol
What’s that? You know I don’t speak Spanish. (Although I’d prefer the second Laker rep to be Switchblade.)
C – Shaquille O’Neal
He’s playing Superman ball this year. No-brainer.
WC – Brandon Roy
He dropped 50 this year and had that Houston game winner. Good enough for me.
WC – Al Jefferson
Minny’s 7-2 record in January should push him over the top.
Only legitimate snubs: Carmelo Anthony (better than all these guys but likely too hurt), Kevin Durant (too young and OKC is too shitty), Paul Millsap (noble first half but too boring and too many forwards), Deron Williams (ankle injury hurt his chances), Tony Parker (he’s French), Manu Ginobili (too hurt), and Tyson Chandler (just wanted to see if you were still reading. I wouldn’t be. These lists are retarded.)
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