Jeff Teague – From Wake Forest To Heavenly Ascension

Jeff Teague has been a bit player for the first two seasons of his career. Atlanta’s coaches never helped with this matter – Jeff saw himself stranded on the bench while Mike Bibby’s corpse or shoot-first-pass-never Jamal Crawford played the point behind him – but when you are a point guard who can’t score, can’t pass, can’t make decisions, and can’t defend, you usually aren’t an NBA caliber player, even if you have the athletic ability and raw potential to overcome such severe limitations.

As is usually the case with NBA bit players, when Jeff Teague followed up two games of fantastic basketball with a scorching start to Game 3 of the Bulls-Hawks series, commentors in the Daily Dime Live chat room went bananas with newfound Teague love. However, due to my inclination to side with 2 year sample sizes over 9 quarter sample sizes, I pointed out just how unlikely this was to sustain. When Chicago took a commanding lead in the 2nd quarter, prompting me to declare the series over (“Chicago is finally playing like Chicago! The Hawks are the Hawks!”), the suddenly present Hawks fans to go with plain ole Teague bandwagoners wanted my head on a platter.

The compromise, as always, was a wager: if the Hawks win another game in this series, I will write a loving ballad on Jeff Teague’s masterful exploits. Of course, as DDL’s very own overlord Zach Harper often says: “Never trust the Hawks”. Atlanta took Game 4 of what is now a competitive series, Teague has remained phenomenal and projects to be a starter in Atlanta from here on out, and the results of my epic failure follow this paragraph.

In a basketball league,

Brimming full with intrigue,

Above all, stands Jeff Teague,

Of the Hawks.


He can dribble and drive,

He can blossom and thrive,

He can dance, he can jive,

And he rocks.


He may look pretty small,

But the dude can enthrall,

More than Horford, Jamal,

Or Josh Smith.


And his stints on the bench,

Fill my nose with a stench,

That is worse than Revenge

Of The Sith.


As this brave Demon Deacon,

Is revealed as a beacon,

To convert all the heathens,

And pagans.


One is left to give thanks,

Name drop one Marcus Banks,

Watch the rhyming scheme tank,

And eat bacon.


So play Jeff, Larry Drew,

Bid Kirk Hinrich adieu,

Pinch yourself, see it’s true,

And Rejoice.


As this marvelous player,

This MVP slayer,

Makes the biggest naysayer,

Change his voice.


No one else will prevail,

Not Lebron, not JaVale,

Not the Blazers of Trails,

And not Dwight.


They might as well take vacation,

As Jeff Teague sweeps the nation,

A roundball manifestation,

Of light.

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