One of the neat-o things about running a blog is that, through looking at analytic tracking number reports, you get an inside look at what types of idiotic and/or gross things people search for on the internet. My traffic numbers aren’t all that big, but we get a few tens of thousands of people stopping by on any given month. Most of them get here through the normal method of either knowing the site already and just clicking a bookmark or following a logical link path from Ball Don’t Lie, TrueHoop, Twitter or whatever.
Others webtubes users, however, arrive to this site through the wonderful power of Google searching. Honestly, most of these people get here through normal NBA-related search terms, like those involving Sheed, Starbury, MJ, Baron Davis’ beard, Switchblade, love poems to Chris Paul, Dwyane Wade or any of the other recurring topics round these parts.
But a small minority are just big old weirdos who get here through very odd, entertaining or off-topic keywords. And I just so happened to be looking through these last night and noticed some that I enjoyed.
And since I’ll probably be spending most of today away from BTPH and instead working on some long-form Pacers analysis like this over at 8p9s, I figured I’d share these with ya cause it’s easy to post and a possibly entertaining look behind the fourth wall
I’ll spare you from the more graphic and disturbing search terms, but here are my favorite 10 from the past month that are at least somewhat fit to print:
10. bill zorzi shove a broom up my ass
9. benjamin netanyahu nickname spelling
8. allan houston and notorious b.i.g.
7. birdman head tattoos
6. looking to buy a mansion
5. great action vacations asia
4. toothless nerves
3. girls driving naked
2. just like john holmes i don’t
1. donald sterling is an asshole
Even better than all those, however, are the questions that people asked Google to find me. Seriously, who actually asks Google questions anymore in the first place? Particularly these ones.
Still, I try to be accessible to all BTPH readers so I will do my best to answer the following ten fantastic inquiries that led you to to my humble little abode. If anyone else has any similarly insightful things they would like to know the answer to, please don’t hesitate to ask.
1. “how much can my julius irving trowback go 4”
I’m going to need more information, unfortunately. Nets or 76ers? What year? Is it new or used? More importantly, I would suggest not using numbers in place of words when you ask Google questions and perhaps spelling key terms properly will aid your next search.
2. “were to buy starbury shes in san antonio”
I’m going to presume you’re asking “Where can I buy Starbury shoes in San Antonio?” If so, probably nowhere. If not, that’s actually a pretty sweet haiku.
3. “what do they use to trap bears?”
My experience is that bear traps, nets, honey pots and pic-i-nic baskeets — perhaps when used in unison — work best.
4. “is larry bird left handed?”
Larry Bird was a righty.
5. “what is the security guards name in white men cant jump?”
Robert. And all the game shows are done on his lot, baby. All of ’em.
6. “whats up with steve novak”
What isn’t up with Steve Novak?
7. “why isn’t matt moore playing?”
Matt Moore is a very good basketball knowledge-having guy who runs Hardwood Paroxysm and blogs at various other websites. But he just does not have the requisite basketball skills to play in the NBA anymore. I don’t even think Memphis would sign him at this point.
8. “why is tyler hansbrough finding a dog”
Because when a dog needs finding, Tyler Bro Hands finds that dog. It’s science.
9. “brad miller dead?”
Despite what his footspeed might suggest, Brad Miller is very much alive. He plays for the Bulls of Chicago.
10. “why is brook lopez”
I could write a 450-page philosophy dissertation on this topic. And I think I shall. Thanks for the inspiration, weirdos.