In what is easily the greatest news that I somehow missed, Nike’s Hyperize sneaker line released two pairs of White Men Can’t Jump themed kicks last month. Not since Schindler’s List beat out the Woody Harrelson/Wesley Snipes opus for the Best Picture Academy Award has there been a greater injustice than these shoes not currently residing on my feet.
Nice Kicks breaks down the logistics.
One pair, drawing inspiration from Wesley Snipes’s character Sidney Deane contains a primarily black upper with multiple laser blue and red details throughout the base. If you recall, Sidney Deane’s basketball gear contained plenty colors on the Venice Beach playground. In addition, Woody Harrelson’s character Billy Hoyle is represented by the predominately white Hyperize. It possesses minimal neon accents throughout the base as well. However, one of the more interesting features on Billy Hoyle’s PE (if you will) is the tongue logo which reads, “I’m in the F*#@!ng Zone!”. If you recall, this was one of Hoyle’s memorable lines in the film.
While the “What are you worried about? I’m in a fuckin’ zone. They’re pissed off. I’m in a zone” moment during the Two-On-Two For Brotherhood Basketball Tournament (also know as the TTBBT) is an epic cinematic moment on par with “Rosebud” or “I’m no good at being noble, but it doesn’t take much to see that the problems of three little people don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world,” the Sidney shoes are the more impressive of the two.
Not only do they have the phrase “YOU CAN LISTEN TO JIMI BUT CAN’T HEAR HIM” written on the insoles, but they also have a tongue that flips up to mimic Sid’s iconic cycling hat, which is an astounding display of engineering genius.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to figure out a way to wear four sneakers at the same time.
It’s hard goddamn work.
UPDATE: This WMCJ audio quote repository is good times.
I’d much rather look good and lose.
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