Brad Miller Is Dead…On the Inside

After literally hours spent wondering why a 7’0″ dude with a wide-open lane to the rim would pick up his dribble at the foul line and attempt a floating finger roll instead of dribbling one more time and trying to dunk, we have found our answer.

Brad Miller shaved off his beard three weeks ago and is now dead…on the inside. Ever since, his game has suffered tremendously. All his significant stats have dropped aside from his rising turnover numbers and he has generally been seen moving with about as much grace as your friend’s 54-year-old dad who always insisted on playing pick-up with you on Sunday morning when you were in junior high. Not only that, everything else in Brad’s life has gone haywire as well:

And he didn’t really like the movie Earth.
And he still hasn’t seen the Susan Boyle YouTube clip.
And he burned his hand on his waffle maker.
And he can’t get his DVR to stop recording every episode of The Soup.
And his Geocities account was closed.
And he had high hopes for the Asher Roth album.
And the Hipster Grifter stole $800 from him.

Here’s the tragic death blow.

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