Predicting things is, by and large, a stupid endeavor.
Its sole purpose is generally to make predictors think they’re smarter than people dumb enough to listen to what they say/read what they write when clearly neither party actually knows what they’re talking about in the first place. And, in the second place, the predictor generally fails to mention all the stuff he or she got completely wrong in the past but generally loves to continually rehash all the stuff they “predicted.”
Essentially, it’s just an exercise in confirmation bias that’s used to make the predictor feel superior to others.
Me, I don’t need that. When I want to feel superior to others, I just look in the mirror. Because I’m so handsome, you see.
So it’s with this in mind that I point out my clairvoyance about last year’s All-Star Game rosters.
Indeed, my personal confirmation bias alerted me to the fact that I nailed all 14 reserve selections before they were announced last season. (It also informs me that I picked Princeton over UCLA the year I won my high school’s March Madness pool as an eighth-grader. Calm down, ladies.)
Due to my remarkable achievements in prior predictology, then, I may as well try to keep the batting 1.000 and make some selections for this year’s game in Phoenix before they are announced in about an hour.
And, no, I don’t have any insider leaked information — no one sends me things like that.
The only caveat of note is that these are the players I think the coaches will actually vote in as reserves, not necessarily the 14 I think should be suiting up. Then again, I seem to be the only one who doesn’t really care that much who plays in an exhibition game for fun (aside from Granger).
But enough ado:
East:
G – Joe Johnson
Mr. Anonymous is a no-brainer.
G – Ray Allen
The least heralded Celtic has easily had the best season for the leprechauns thus far.
F – Danny Granger
He invented puppies after all.
F – Rashard Lewis
Dwight Howard won’t be the only All-Star on a 34-10 team. And Jameer aint gonna make the cut even if he is having a career year.
C – Chris Bosh
The coaches were told they can consider him a center. They will.
WC – Devin Harris
A lock for Most Improved Player of the Year. And the best player on an over-achiever. Shouldn’t be much question on this one.
WC – Paul Pierce
He’s Paul Pierce. Coaches aren’t gonna really care that he’s been a little bit off most of the season.
Only legitimate snubs: Vince Carter (deserves to be there), Mo Williams (best acquisition of the 2008 summer), Tayshaun Prince (best Piston season thus far), Antawn Jamison (not enough wins), Rajon Rondo (his brilliance has been fading the last month anyway), Mike Bibby (40% from three, best FG% since 2004, best AST/TO of his career, Hawks are 26-19) Jameer Nelson (he’s been playing well, but really isn’t an All-Star), David Lee (see Jameer), and Derrick Rose (see Rondo).
West:
G – Chauncey Billups
He’s the type of gentleman who heterosexual coaches would fellate — with generous ball cuppage.
G – Steve Nash
The game’s in Phoenix. Coaches love him. He’s white. He’ll make it.
F – Dirk Nowitzki
Insert non-comical Boogie Nights reference here.
F – Pau Gasol
What’s that? You know I don’t speak Spanish. (Although I’d prefer the second Laker rep to be Switchblade.)
C – Shaquille O’Neal
He’s playing Superman ball this year. No-brainer.
WC – Brandon Roy
He dropped 50 this year and had that Houston game winner. Good enough for me.
WC – Al Jefferson
Minny’s 7-2 record in January should push him over the top.
Only legitimate snubs: Carmelo Anthony (better than all these guys but likely too hurt), Kevin Durant (too young and OKC is too shitty), Paul Millsap (noble first half but too boring and too many forwards), Deron Williams (ankle injury hurt his chances), Tony Parker (he’s French), Manu Ginobili (too hurt), and Tyson Chandler (just wanted to see if you were still reading. I wouldn’t be. These lists are retarded.)
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Nobody goes 28 for 28…but nice try, and a pretty good batting average, by my COUNT…and amusing as usual.
Ray Ray got hosed. Good for Jameer, Tony and Dave. Surprised about Nash — he hasn’t been all that special this year, but probably still the second best point in the League. And still white while playing in Phoenix. Al Jeff’s really, really ugly…so whatever.
You lose. But good try nonetheless. I would have had Steph listed somewhere.