Danny Granger Invented Puppies

As Danny Granger’s continued assault on reason grows more intense by the day (per-game averages of 33.3 points, 5.0 boards, 4.2 assists, 1.7 steals and 1.7 blocks through eight January games), more and more people are trying to figure out just exactly who this guy is and how good he can become.

Given that I’m a Pacers fan who has been watching him for the past three-plus years, I figured I would help shed some light.

Here are 25 Things That You Probably Didn’t Know About Danny Granger:

  1. Danny Granger invented puppies.
  2. Danny Granger perspires sunshine.
  3. Danny Granger’s laughter won the Nobel Prize for Economics.
  4. Danny Granger fucked with the Wu-Tang Clan.
  5. Danny Granger discovered bacon
  6. Danny Granger knows why black people love menthols.
  7. Danny Granger’s mother is a unicorn.
  8. Danny Granger sleeps in a tuxedo.
  9. Danny Granger’s favorite food is kindness.
  10. Danny Granger was Gandhi’s idol.
  11. Danny Granger knit the Shroud of Turin.
  12. Danny Granger’s poetry eradicated small pox.
  13. Danny Granger’s suggested retail price is virtue.
  14. Danny Granger directed Casablanca.
  15. Danny Granger has never used an exclamation point
  16. Danny Granger’s empathy created the Himalayas.
  17. Danny Granger chews enriched-uranium gum.
  18. Danny Granger orchestrated the Invasion of Normandy.
  19. Danny Granger’s equilibrium is crescendo.
  20. Danny Granger speaks only in pluperfect.
  21. Danny Granger is indigenous to the Costa Rican rainforest.
  22. Danny Granger’s car runs on wisdom.
  23. Danny Granger uses a controlled burn to shave.
  24. Danny Granger’s tonsils excrete gummy bears.
  25. Danny Granger’s first kiss ended the Cold War.

Let me know if I missed anything.

A dozen doves are released whenever Danny Granger enters a room. (Photo by Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images)

A dozen doves are released whenever Danny Granger enters a room. (Photo by Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images)

4 thoughts on “Danny Granger Invented Puppies”

  1. Great list, homie, but I think your printer might have cut these ones off:

    The capital of Zamunda is Danny Granger.
    After he met Danny Granger, Diogenes finally stopped searching for an honest man.
    In Buddhism, life is suffering and the key to ending suffering is Danny Granger.
    When the Temptations visited Cloud 9, they stayed at Danny Granger’s house.
    The square root of Danny Granger is buckets.

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