The city that bares his name gave us Jesus. Bethlehem Shoals gave us season previews.*
It’s difficult to say which is more significant.
After last year’s stunning Every Player Preview, the Free Darkoers this year have bestowed upon us their brilliant Every Game Preview, which essentially makes the upcoming season moot as we now know exactly what will happen in every single NBA contest this year. Such as:
Oct 29 Miami @ New York. Woody Allen and Spike Lee dress up as Mario and Luigi to celebrate halloween. Mike D’Antoni is offended.
Nov 02 Milwaukee @ New York. Stephon Marbury lectures Chris Duhon about the end of days.
Nov 05 Chicago @ Cleveland. Larry Hughes gets his sweet revenge by scoring 13 points on 20 shots, with 4 steals, 4 turnovers and an ankle sprain.
Nov 11 Denver @ Charlotte. Fight breaks out after Raymond Felton refers to Nene as “Maybyner.”
Nov 12 San Antonio @ Milwaukee. Tony Parker shakes Bud Selig’s hand, thinking that he is Bill Gates.
Nov 12 L.A. Lakers @ New Orleans. Kobe says something offputting to a reporter about the city’s beignets, covers it up with assholish smile.
Nov 15 Oklahoma City @ Philadelphia. During a timeout, Saer Sene finally recognizes Coach Carlesimo as “that guy who got choked” who he read about in Sports Illustrated for Kids.
Nov 19 Sacramento @ New Orleans. Peja reveals to team before game that he never learned to read.
Nov 25 Golden State @ Washington. Etan Thomas pumps up crowd with a slam poem about gentrification.
Nov 26 New York @ Detroit. Mike D’Antoni kind of can’t believe that Q-Rich is still doing the knock-on-his-head thing after a made three-pointer.
Okay, I really didn’t even want to post that many but it’s hard not to get carried away. Head over there for scores more, including, of course, more MJ gambling hilarity. And this list so far only takes us through November; they are supposed to post the rest of the season over the next few days. Bethlehem also brought his Quotemonger back last week over at Slam Online.
* Props also to Recluse, Dr. Lawyer IndianChief and the others who all combine to put these things together. No disrespect…Your names just didn’t work as well for an intro, which is sorta hard to believe considering Dr. Lawyer IndianChief is the best name I’ve ever heard. And since I’m fellating them with verbiage anyway, go pre-order their book.