Both Teams Played Hard
Both Teams Played Hard

This photo cropped up after Game 4 in the Utah/Lakers series. And that may or may not be a horrible, horrible pun.

I would post it here, but it very may well be fake (”cropped”…get it?) as the hand looks a little dubious and possibly photoshopped if you zoom in even closer. The photo’s authenticity and this one fan’s level of douchebaggery is not really the point though.

The point is that the Jazz fans are notoriously crude and indeed booed Derek Fisher when he returned this season in a Lakers uniform. (Fisher, if you’re not up on things, played for Utah for the last few years and has a daughter fighting retinal cancer, yet flew back and forth from her treatments in New York last year during the Playoffs to play for them and would often get there minutes before tip-off and in one game famously arrived in street clothes while everyone else was already suited up only to come in and kick ass and hit a game-winning shot, but decided after the season that he needed to live in a city where he could be with his daughter and she could get proper treatment so the Jazz owner let him out of his contract and he then signed with Los Angeles, which is a city that has a good hospital to deal with this disease, yet the Jazz fans for some reason felt this deserved booing when he came back to play against them rather than the raucous standing ovation he would have gotten anywhere else. Got it? Cool.)

The assertion is that this fan was yelling “Cancer!” at Fish while he was shooting free-throws. Even if this photo is a fake, there are other allegations of fans chanting “cancer” when he had the ball.

The Jazz fans were also called out last year by Golden State Warrior players for using racial slurs during their series and also holding up signs of Stephen Jackson in prison stripes (he’s the headband-clad fellow throwing haymakers at fans here and the gentleman that shoots guns off in strip club parking lots as described here…So that one’s actually kind of funny).

There’s also this Kobe photo, referencing the rape allegations against him:

Essentially, these Mormons be wilin, son. Nahmean, cats is straight off the chain, dun.

In general, I’ve always felt NBA fans are a little tamer than most. The NFL is just brutal, from Oakland’s Black Hole to DC’s Hogs. And I may be biased since about 45 of the 50 or so MLB games I’ve been to have been played in either Yankee Stadium or Fenway (where “Jeter Has AIDS” t-shirts used to be prominent), but the NBA usually doesn’t get that bad either. Not anymore anyway…The widespread racism in arenas as recently as the 1980s is well-documented and was worse than anything in the Bronx in the past 40 years as far as I know.

Anyway, the point of this whole thing (surprise…there is one), is that as horrible as these Jazz fans are, NCAA fans are probably even worse. And to me, it’s about ten times as bad at that level since the fans are chastising 18-year-old kids to the point that a guy like Tennessee’s Chris Lofton didn’t even tell people he has cancer in part because he knew he would get mocked for having a testicle removed when he goes to play in Gainesville or Athens. At least Stephen Jackson and Derek Fisher ARE MEN…THEY ARE FORTY. The shit they have to put up with is deplorable, but it’s chastising “amateur” kids like that is taking it to another level of scumbagship.

SI took a pretty good look into how horrible college crowds are a few months ago. Here is the story by Grant Wahl.

And this is a list of some of the worst incidents from the past. These are probably the most heinous accounts:

• In February 1988, Arizona senior guard Steve Kerr was cruelly reminded of the murder of his father — Malcolm H. Kerr, the president of the American University of Beirut — by terrorists in Lebanon four years earlier. In a game against archrival Arizona State, in Tempe, Kerr was taunted by Sun Devils fans, who yelled “PLO, PLO.” (The Palestine Liberation Organization was never linked to the assassination.)

• Fifteen months after Maryland forward Herman Veal was accused of sexual misconduct toward another Maryland student, Duke’s Cameron Crazies wouldn’t let him forget it — even though formal charges were never filed against him. In a January 1984 game between the Terps and Blue Devils, Duke fans greeted Veal by throwing panties and condoms into the air when he was introduced, then yelled obscenities throughout the game.

• When Oregon visited Arizona in February 2006, several months had passed since Ducks coach Ernie Kent had denied rumors that he had had an extramarital affair. Yet whenever Kent’s son Jordan, a guard on the Oregon team, went to the free throw line, the Zona Zoo fan section chanted, “Who’s your mistress?”

And here is a photo gallery of some fans in action, although this one below will always be my favorite.

(On a much cheerier note…In looking for this SI story through Google, I may have found the greatest message board thread of all time. Post #9 is spectacular. And, yeah, probably NSFW…although you technically can’t see her howdoyoudo.)

Who knows what was going through Kevin Harlan’s mind when he yelled that phrase after LeBron touched the sky (perhaps the Bill Simmons suicide watch?), but that call now ranks right up there with “a spec-TAC-u-lar move” and “…underneath to DJ and he lays it in” on the All-Time list.

Okay, maybe not. And yeah, he has used it before.

How ’bout them Celtics?

This is getting ridiculous. I think we all thought LeBron would take over a game or two and stretch this to six or maybe even seven games. But the Cavs are winning without him even doing anything other-worldly. Sure, he played well late, hit some big threes and had that “no regard for human life” dunk that embarrassed KG’s kids, but he still hasn’t even “gone Bron Bron” on the C’s.

The real question on everyone’s mind, however, is did we ever find out why he yelled at that lady to “sit your ass down” after Paul Pierce tried to tackle him into the fifth row? Was that actually his mom? Was it his grand-daughter? Chris Bosh’s girlfriend?

Really, who cares about Boston’s road woes. They’re probably not even getting past Detroit at this rate and they’re certainly not beating whoever survives the San Antonio/New Orleans/Los Angeles/Utah gauntlet.

So let’s just solve this mystery of King James and The Kingdom of the Sit Your Ass Down by morning, eh?

UPDATE: Turns out that really was his mom. Good work, Mystery Machine.

In what many are calling the coup of the century, GM guru Donnie Walsh convinced Mike D’Antoni to take over the most dyfunctional clan of outcasts, headcases and overpaid gluttons in all of the Association. Well, I guess it’s not that hard to convince a guy of anything when you give him $24 million.

Still, no one expected Mr. Seven Seconds or Less to wind up on 34th Street when the situation in Chi-Town seemed so ready-made for success. Many though Hinrich, Gordon and Luol could have been a quality JV replica of Nash, Barbosa and Marion, with uber-athlete Tyrus Thomas doing his best Amare impression and human pinball Joakim Noah fitting in just fine. Put Larry Hughes in the Raja Bell role and you pretty much have Phoenix Lite. Plus you have Drew Gooden to stick jumpers, rebound and defend a little, and you have Andris Nocioni to add some blue-collar grit simply by being his douchebaggy self.

Trying to fit D’Antoni’s style into the Knicks roster is a little more square-peg-round-hole-ish. There are definitely a few things D’Antoni can work with. Jamal Crawford, Nate Robinson and Q, who led the NBA in three-pointers made under Mike, will all fit in well (when healthy, in Quentin’s case). David Lee can fit in anywhere. Balkman couldn’t hit water from a boat with his jumper, so that hurts, but he can play some defense and he can certainly fly around in transition. Wilson Chandler looked promising towards the end of the year and may fit in.

“Top Gun rules of engagement are written for your safety and for that of your team.They are not flexible…Nor am I. Is that clear?”

None of these guys are ideal for D’Antoni, honesly, but they can be servicable one would think. The real problem will be the three bozos: Starbury, Zach Randolph and Eddy Curry.

Steph has to be out, right? I mean, it wouldn’t matter who was coaching, I would hope. Donnie Walsh needs to trade his expiring contract away this summer or just suck it up and buy him out. Those are the only two options, right? You can’t let him suit up.

Eddy Curry, while still a good low-block scorer, can’t play in a D’Antoni system. His scoring would probably entice a few other clubs some considering his contract isn’t that bad…but he also can’t rebound. Still, they should be able to ship him somewhere out West, where even non-contenders are going to have to start thinking about how to compete with the Lakers frontcourt, Yao and even a few more seasons of Duncan.

The real problem — per usual — will be Zach Randolph.

Nobody’s taking this guy — not at $47 million over the next four years anyway. So it looks like they’ll be stuck with him. That said, and even with all the negatives understood, he can make 18-footers for days and he, even more than Curry can certainly score in the post. And it’s even possible he can even get up and down the floor a little bit if — a HUUUUGE if — he can be motivated.

Much like this sight, D’Antoni in New York will not be pretty. But it will at least be an improvement and bring hope back to MSG.

Nobody is going to mistake the Knicks upcoming season for the concerto of offense that D’Antoni and Nash orchestrated in Arizona. And those who thought Phoenix’s defense was porous are about to learn a whole new meaning of “soft interior.” But if they can package Curry and Lee or maybe Balkman and Stephon’s expiring deal, they could probably find another piece or two that can be part of the solution.

Anyone hoping for a big one-year turnaround is certainly deluding themselves, but this was a great move for New York. Kudos to Donnie Walsh and even if they are still struggling to make the East Playoffs come next April, at least those New Yorkers paying top-dollar for MSG tickets will have something entertaining to watch.

It might still be ugly, but watching your team lose a 124-116 shootout is at least a little better than showing up only in hopes that you might find out what exactly it is that Stephon knows about Isiah.

This video of Clyde Drexler’s most memorable dunks made the rounds on Fanhouse and Truehoop last week.

It’s worth checking out, as Glide’s tragic underratedness seems to grow by the day.

And more importantly, it rekindles the greatest debate in the history of the National Basketball Association:

Which inexplicable commitment to an improper hairstyle was most hilarious?

(A) Clyde’s refusal to shave his head while humorously balding for a solid four years

(B) Shane Battier’s refusal to stop shaving his head while humorously having a genetic scalp disorder

(C) all of the above

I’m going with B, as Drexler clearly resisted the shaved dome look solely because it was his arch-nemesis’ signature style.

Since being re-discovered by C-Notes the other day, this throw-back Delonte West master-interview has been making the NBA blogosphere rounds.

I am not sure exactly what he’s talking about the whole time, but what I am sure of is that he has a future as both a classical philosophy professor and a Tibetan monk when his playing career is done.

What a scholar.

But, that’s not all ladies. Oh, no, no, no.

As evidenced by this summary of of every woman’s Valentine’s Day dream date, he’s both a gentleman and a scholar.

Don’t be shy, girls…It’s only a birthmark.

I honestly have no idea how I missed this. I feel duped. Seriously, how do nearly four years go by without a single friend of mine forwarding this to me? You’re all on notice.

What I’m referring to is notorious asshole and LA Clippers owner Donald Sterling’s disposition about getting down with a hooker, which was first leaked by The Smoking Gun in August 2004.

Well, for all of those underpriviledged citizens such as I who somehow missed out on all this greatness at the time, here’s a mini re-cap (although I also suggest reading through all the select passages on Smoking Gun).

Frankly, I’m not even sure of the exact circumstances surrounding this whole thing, but apparently the first mainstream story was titled “NBA Owner Pays to Play” and for some reason, many of the questions center around whether he was just paying a trick to bust a nut, or whether he was actually in a “relationship” with her.

So, am I supposed to hate this guy or love him?

And apparently, the attorney questioning him wanted to know why he used such nice terms of endearment if she was only a prostitute. Well?

Q: Did you refer to her as honey on many occasions?

A: I call everybody. Every secretary is honey. I’m a flowery man. If you are having sex with a woman you are paying for, you always call her honey because you can’t remember her name.

Sounds logical enough.

Let’s hear some more.

A: When a girl seduces me and tells me all of these hot stories and dirty things and tells me how much she wants to suck on me and takes my shoes off and licks my feet and touches me. When I’m in a limousine and she takes [off] all her clothes. The limo driver said, “What is going on?” And she started sucking me on the way to Mr. Koon’s house. And I thank her. I thank her for making me feel good.

Q: Sir, the question was “Is this your handwriting?”

Sure, a simple “yes” or “no” would have been sufficient for most, but Donald Sterling is committed to telling the public the truth here. Being over-explanatory isn’t a crime is it? Oh, it is? My bad.

But one thing I’m still curious about, Mr. Sterling, is how was she?

A: The girl was providing sex for money. She was exciting. It was exciting. I have to tell you, and it was good. And it was delicious, and it was the best of the best. And maybe I morally did something wrong, but I didn’t…

That does sound exciting. How about another question?

Q: Did you tell your wife that?

A: I don’t know if I told my…I probably didn’t tell my wife that. Would anybody tell their wife that?

Again, it’s hard to dispute the man’s logic.

Q: And [you wrote] “I adore you more than words could express.”

A: Her best sex was better than words could express.

That does sound good. But exactly how good?

A: She was the best of the best…The best sex that anybody ever had.

The “best sex anybody ever had?” That’s a lofty claim, sir. Can you elaborate?

A: And she said, “Boy, you are going to have the best time that you ever had in your life. And then she just walked over to the bed. She lied there. Spread her legs out. And it was the most incredible sight. It was exciting, and it was stimulating.

Q: So you didn’t forget about that particular experience?

A: A man doesn’t forget about it because I never had an experience when I opened the door in a hotel room and the girl was standing there stark nude, you know, with her hands up in the air. You know, “Boy, am I waiting for you.”

Once again, you certainly can’t fault Sterling for his logic.

But still, we wonder, is she just a whore or did you have a legitimate relationship with this woman and want to have a family with her?

A: I wouldn’t have a child and certainly not with that piece of trash. Come on. This girl is the lowest form. Wait until the man testify as to…she is a freak. A total freak.

Q: Now when was it you became aware of the opinion that she is the woman of the lowest form? When was that?

A: Well, I will tell you. When a woman excites you, sometimes that part of your body that controls your mind. I knew from the day she came in that she was a total freak and a piece of trash. How did I know? The girl immediately told me she lived eight months with Mike Tyson. Not only she lived with him — he may be a fine gentleman — but the circumstances how she was “screened.” Before she could be with [Iron Mike], she had to screw this man and her girlfriend had to screw this man. And in screwing him, he had to decide — this man — whether she was a “qualified person” to meet Mike Tyson. So she gave it everything she could. She told me about each and every move — everything she did with “the screener.”

The defense rests.